to think the newborn phase might actually be quite fun?!

[takethatlady]

Hi!

I'm 35+1 with DC1 (a DD) and everyone I talk to keeps telling me how 'awful' the first few weeks are - how you don't know what you're doing, how your baby barely responds to you and 'gives nothing back', how you are filled with perpetual fear that something bad will happen, how terrible bfing will be, and how you'll feel nothing but physically and emotionally drained and stressed and all your other relationships will suffer.

I know these people mean well and I'm really glad they're not lying to me and pretending it will all be a bed of roses, but having seen a few similar threads on MN I am just wondering if anybody out there had a really positive experience of the first few weeks? I'm lucky because my DH is a teacher and what with paternity leave and the summer holidays he's likely to be around full time for 8 of the first 10 weeks. We're both really really excited about spending the summer getting to know our new baby, however sleep deprived we're going to be, and I'd love to hear more from people who enjoyed this time despite its difficulties ...

Hmmm now I can't rem much of the 1st 6 months with my twins I was soooo exhausted,fun it was not I know that much. However when they turned 6 months my rose tinted glasses came on too and I threw contraception to the wind,queue dd 9 months later. Boy,my rose tinted specs were removed big time then with 3 under 18 months.

It all comes down to personality(baby/babies and mummy)and circumstances(ie money,family on hand helps).One size does not fit all so I think op it's a little silly thinking you can think yourself into a fun time on the back of other mum's experiences during the early weeks. Obviously since your dp will be there for the 1st 10 weeks it'll obviously be easier than it is for most but you'll just have to wait and experience it for yourself.

What I would do is take as many photos,recordings of your new bundle as you can as it's gone in a wink of an eye positive experience or not.

OP, to be fair, we could tell you anything and you still would be completely unprepared. It is everything everyone has said on this thread and more. It's like being hit by a freight train. It's like the world goes from black and white to colour. It's feeling you would happily kill a man for sleep.

But-

If you've never eaten chocolate, somebody describing in minute detail to you how good it tastes is pretty meaningless until you taste it. Someone may even tell you how awful it tastes and then you're confused. The thing is, when you taste the chocolate it will be a whole new experience for you and one which you could never have anticipated or prepared yourself for.

So, to surmise: you may as well sit around eating chocolate for the rest of the pregnancy because trying to prepare for how you'll feel is like a blunt pencil: Pointless.

I loved the newborn stage, baby never cried. I had no problems breast feeding.

I was on such a high, I had loads of energy. I would wake up before baby and wait for him to wake up.

I don't know if it is because I had 11 failed pregnancies before I got him or if I am bonkers, but I loved every second.

See you already have one op,the difference with a 1st baby and the next is you have to be there for your 1st too ie being up all night is a problem as you won't be able to sleep when your baby sleeps in the day as your other dc will need you then. You then get in a cycle of total exhaustion.

Life goes on,it doesn't stop when you have a second as your first dc need you even more.Lunch boxes need to be made,uniform ironed etc.I know very few mums who've managed to enjoy these babymoons with subsequent births I read about on here.

Sorry to be neg but just saying how it is .

My DD was an easy baby compared to many and slept alot and fell into a routine very very quickly. But then a number of problems kicked in 1st colic (which only lasted a few weeks but made my experience of her early weeks hell) and 2nd silent reflux. By 3 months she was sleeping through and had recovered from these but consequently I enjoyed her much more after 12 weeks.

Survival tips? 1. Sleep whenever you can 2. Chant constantly, "This too will pass" because really it will 3. Enjoy cuddling and singing with and staring at and whispering sweet nothings to your baby as soon s/he'll be a non-stopping, ever-moving manic toddler .

I would not have described myself as a baby person at all, but honestly, the newborn stage is really lovely: I remember just gazing at them, full of overwhelming love for them, and they are so helpless (and can't move or talk); just lovely, despite broken sleep and all the other stuff.

Don't worry and just enjoy the newborn time, it really does pass so quickly. Relax about stuff like having a tidy house and keeping on top of the ironing, sleep when you can and make the most of yout baby

I think the newborn stage is mind blowing. You will be utterly knackered, you will be hormonally challenged, and the work of looking after a newborn is neverending, but its also an amazing time and every little thing they do just rocks your world.
With DS, I had severe PND so all I remember is feeling totally overwhelmed with everything. With DD I didnt have PND until I stopped BF at 6 months, and I remember thinking that the newborn stage was pretty damn amazing. It made me sad that I missed that first time around with DS.

I'm afraid I hated it. Especially first time round. I just couldn't get my head round the enormity of just how much my life had been ruined. And my body.

Ten years on, DD1 is quite delightful, though.

tethersend and milamae I'm not sure if you've read most of my posts but I have said exactly the same thing all the way through. I'm not asking people to prepare me for something for which I am aware I will be totally unprepared until it's too late and I'm already doing it/have done it! What I wanted to hear was a bit of balance - it's very easy to get lost in the negatives - people giving you their horrifying birth stories, people telling you how awful the newborn phase is, people telling you that toddlers are awful, that the teenage phase is even worse. I have consistently said that I know 'one size does not fit all' and been really interested in everybody's responses - and I have nowhere said I want to 'think myself into a fun time on the back of other mum's experiences'! I think there might be a bit of projecting going on here. I just wanted to start a nice thread and hear some positive experiences as well as the negative ones I hear more often. No harm in asking for a bit of hope, is there?!!!

I know the horror stories - I just wanted to entertain the possibility that it isn't always like that for all people at al times! Of course I know, too, that it's totally different for different people (as this thread has abundantly confirmed). It's just that it's nice to hear some reassuring stuff, some tips on how to get through, and from people who did actually enjoy it - I never said that I would infer from that that I would actually enjoy it. As i have stated many times, who knows? But my impression from lots of people is that it is a totally unenjoyable time no matter who you are or what your circumstances. Clearly from reading this thread that isn't the case.

boattobolivia did you mean me? I was being honest in my preious post - I really meant that your advice was great! (On reflection i don't think you can mean me - I'm definitely not dismissing anything anyone says on here - really pleased to hear all sides, and all tips!)

Can't remember the first 2 weeks - a blur of painful bf and not knowing whether it was day or night (DD or me).
Following 6 weeks - some days were mindnumbingly dull, frustrating, depressing -I'm used to being active, getting loads done, but once I accepted that my aim for the day was to care for DD and sod housework/anything else, things got much easier. Other days were ridiculously easy and fantastically happy - we'd get along just fine, amble round the shops, meet friends, play games.

DD is 14 weeks now, and the fun times are getting more and more common. We have a nice routine (not a la Gina Ford, we just do our own thing). She's full of chatter and smiles, and I feel a lot more capable (first nappy/bf/ff/pram walk/day out, etc etc all under my belt), and happy as I've met some nice mums. Even starting to feel broody to do it all again!

It's just brilliant.

You learn what love is

Yes, you will be shattered like you have never felt before, but you will be so in love

Enjoy every second

I didn't realise how hard the newborn stage was until I look back. I am adoring the toddler stage much to my utter surprise and falling deeper and deeper in love with my cuddly, affectionate son everyday. But newborn? My goodness even though I found breast feeding a joy, one of the very few, I was so near PND and never knew it.
I think you can enjoy newborn if your baby is a sleeper, if you have an awful lot of support on hand like it sounds like you will OP and if you didn't nearly die during labour and have to recover from that too. But most of those factors are out of your control. My son had awful colic after the second week and would cry for hours each night, he was literally inconsolable and we would pace each night for hours and hours wondering frankly what on earth we'd done to ruin our lives. We were told to wake him every three hours because he lost so much weight after the birth so no sleep in our house, and after a huge haemorrhage I couldn't leave the house unaided for about two weeks. Loving the newborn stage? Not really.
And yet here I am expecting number 2 in November. Darn these hormones

I loved it. You are just totally in love with your new baby and yes it's tiring but amazing too. The first two weeks it was just me, DH and DD and it was wonderful - tiring but wonderful.

Well, I found the Newborn stage lovely as far as the baby was concerned. With DS I literally spent hours holding him, kissing him, smelling him, took long walks with him in the pram and a smug grin on my face. DDs were not quite so much fun as I had one and then two other DC to deal with. Even so, I spent hours staring at them being stunned that I'd grown something so amazing.

It's really not like me to be so gushy but, honestly, they are the BEST thing that ever happened to me.

I will warn you though that during the first 6 months with each DC I HATED my DH. He is now my ex DH so this may be why, but several friends have confessed to feeling the same and their still with their DH/P's. I found his general uselessness really irritating and could have happily put a pillow over his face and suffocated him when he was snoring and I was awake feeding .

They really are tiny for a very short time so be sure to sit and stare as often as possible. And ignore any housework except the bare essentials...your house will always need tidying but your baby won't be tiny forever.

HOWEVER, 2nd time round - I would not repeat what I said ^above!! . 2nd time, with toddler in tow, it is a SLOG!!!

I found it hard with DC1, but I also loved it.
DD had reflux so it was very hard at times (evenings were hell) but I still think back fondly about sitting up in bed feeding DD at 5 in the morning watching random telly on mute with subtitles. And lazy mornings in bed staring at DD sleeping in her basket. Not to mention HAVING to go shopping all the time cos DD slept best in the pram, and HAVING to watch lots of daytime tv cos DD took nearly an hour per feed!!!

DC2 is a whole other ballgame. Juggling everything, military manouvres and certainly no sleeping when the baby sleeps!!!!

It totally depends on all the many variables involved - what sort of person you are, how much support you have, what your birth experience is like, how you get on wit breastfeeding, how well your baby sleeps and his.her temperament generally. The list goes on.

Personally, I found the newborn stage with my first baby crushingly hard. Everything about it was hard for me. I had an emergency c-section after a long induction, so was physically battered to start off with and then had to cope with a colicky baby who wouldn't sleep and hideous problems with feeding. The hardest thing, though (that was just compounded by all the health-and-sleep-deprivation-related misery) was the absolute shock of having this tiny being reliant on me for everything. I wasn't prepared or it. Not really. It was a huge adjustment for me. My first baby was very much wanted and planned for, so I just wasn't prepared for how unprepared I would feel.

However, my second baby was a different kettle of fish. I absolutely adored the newborn stage. yes, it was partly because I 'knew what to expect' and was more confident and relaxed. But I also had a much more serene birt experience and, crucially, a baby who slept like a dream. For me (and a lot of people, I'm sure) sleep = sane, rational, calm person. No sleep = borderline mental health breakdown (I say this seriously, not humorously!).

Newborn phase was great for me all three times and would have been even better if DH had had loads of time off work.

All three of my DC BF well. All were calm during the day (hardly any crying). Slept fine (ie 3-4 hour stretches), yes had a few nights when they wouldn't settle but if your DH is around then at least you can take turns.

2.5 years seems to be a particularly challenging time, though

I quite liked the newborn stage. THey don't need to do anything other than look at you to make you melt at that age.

I was so worried about it I had to ask my friend to list the good things about having a newborn as it seemed all I'd read about were the bad things.

Anyway, I loved every second of it and was (and still am) so, so proud and happy.

redandyellow exactly! It's nice to hear all the possibilities and all the variables (and not just stories about how uniformly and unequivocally terrible it is).

Definitely taking away from this thread the advice to prepare to be unprepared :)

And really and truly, I don't give a flying f* about housework so that's one potential problem down :)

I loved the newborn stage. However I was very lucky not to have any problems at all with breastfeeding. Neither of my DSs slept for any length of time (Ds1 in particular never slept for longer than 2 hours at a stretch until he was about 5 months!) but I just remember it being a really easy, lazy time - I think this was in part that with DS1 I was doing a very high pressure job til 2 weeks before he was born, and hadn't had any real time off in well over a year. Being able to put my feet up with a breastfeeding baby and cup of tea was actually quite nice :)

Sleep deprivation gets easier the longer it goes on - and I co-slept with both mine when they were tiny so wasn't as disturbed as if I'd had to get up, out of bed, walk to cot, pick up baby etc.

The worst thing for me was never leisurely eating a hot meal. I could guarantee as soon as my dinner was ready, baby would need feeding. Used to end up often holding plate above breastfeeding baby's head, or else frantically scoffing dinner in case they woke up!

first time round the newborn stage was lovely, second time it was hard - no napping in the day and no sleep at night really did me in.

v much depends on how you recover from the birth, temperament of lo, how they feed etc.

My first-born is 16 weeks now, and I can barely remember the first six weeks already! My top tips would be to drink plenty of water and, especially if you're breast-feeding, eat lots of chocolate to keep your energy up! Also, try to have some 'you' time every day (I remember having a leisurely bath...felt like I'd been soaking for over an hour but when I got out, it'd been 14 mins, ha ha!). I'm sure with the help of your partner, you'll enjoy the first few weeks - good luck with it all! x