to think the newborn phase might actually be quite fun?!

[takethatlady]

Hi!

I'm 35+1 with DC1 (a DD) and everyone I talk to keeps telling me how 'awful' the first few weeks are - how you don't know what you're doing, how your baby barely responds to you and 'gives nothing back', how you are filled with perpetual fear that something bad will happen, how terrible bfing will be, and how you'll feel nothing but physically and emotionally drained and stressed and all your other relationships will suffer.

I know these people mean well and I'm really glad they're not lying to me and pretending it will all be a bed of roses, but having seen a few similar threads on MN I am just wondering if anybody out there had a really positive experience of the first few weeks? I'm lucky because my DH is a teacher and what with paternity leave and the summer holidays he's likely to be around full time for 8 of the first 10 weeks. We're both really really excited about spending the summer getting to know our new baby, however sleep deprived we're going to be, and I'd love to hear more from people who enjoyed this time despite its difficulties ...

Manage your and your DH's expectations. Convince yourselves that the first few weeks are going to be as bad you've been told (with extra bickering and more tears than you've mentioned so far).

Then, when it turns out to be quite manageable you will be very pleasantly surprised and enjoy it all the more.

But if you try doing it the other way round and find that it's worse than you had imagined....well that is very hard to cope with.

Good Luck - I hope you really enjoy the good bits and glide through the tough bits.

Oh, you might be fine. But if you're not, at least you know it's a common experience and not just you being crap.

If your DP is with you for all that time then you really might enjoy it.

cmot I'm definitely not expecting it all to be bonding and loveliness ... I know I can't expect anything (good or bad) until I'm in it and start to learn what I'm like as a parent (God knows what that will be like!) and what she's like as a baby. I just wanted a bit of balance to the 'your life is going to be so shit for so long you'll wish you could just crawl under a rock and stay there forever' kind of comments I've been getting!

I loved the newborn stage!

They are so tiny and gorgeous and scrunchy and amazing.

I loved not being pregnant anymore, because I was so bad at pregnancy, and had pre-eclampsia and swelled up so much, so I got to see my ankles, feet, etc come back as the fluid drained! (This takes a few weeks). And I just felt so light and liberated and so comfy in bed! (had not been able to sleep easy in the final weeks)

The babies were both easy peasy (I had 2 easy ones) and they just fed and slept. That's all they did. So I could just waft around in between feeds just pleasing myself.

The only tended to feed twice in the night after I'd gone to bed, which they dropped to once a night at 5 weeks. So whilst my sleep was broken, it wasn't ridiculous.

People kept sending presents!

Old ladies keep looking in your pram and praising you!

I loved it!

WishIWasRimaHorton my DD2 who is almost 2 years old does that now, she just will not stop the CONSTANT whining, that I cant cope with. A wide awake all night newborn I can cope with. I am hoping DD2 will snap out of it sooner or later.

I I found it hard with the first DC, but by the time I had the third it was fantastic.

Morning Itinerary

Take the older two to school

Go to shop and buy lemon drizzle cake

Return home

Make cup of tea

Turn on Homes Under the Hammer

Feed DC3, eat cake, drink tea, watch Homes Under the Hammer (I understand this is known as multitasking )

Put baby in Moses Basket to have morning sleep, do some desultory housework

etc

,

I don't think you can take any notice of anyone else's opinions on the first few weeks. Babies are sooo different. I have 2 and would happily go through labour many more times but never ever want to go through another 'first' six months! Both mine were non- sleepers and I really struggled with feeding. However, I have plenty of friends who loved it. It just. Depends on you and your baby.
Big warning about your dh and time off- send him out without you occasionally and yo u must go out with baby without him, otherwise it is a huuuuge shock when he goes back to work!!! My dh had 8 weeks with dd and it was lovely, but reality hit hard when He went back! I had got so used to having him around!

It is all the things you described. But someone once said to me (when I was childless and carefree) whatever the negatives (and yes there are many, sleepless nights or whatever it that gets you) they are ALWAYS outweighed by the positives. Maybe not at the same time but they are. The feeling in hospital of holding my DD still makes my heart melt.

I also think that people try to make it out to be tough so it isn't a surprise. In the same way that you 'cannot imagine how awful it can be' neither can you 'imagine how amazing it can be'. See, balancing again!

I think it depends on the baby. It was hard with my first as she had reflux, not that I knew it then, and I couldn't put her down without her screaming. It was better with DS as he was so much more settled but he was extremely hungry so BF him was very hard going. I'm hoping my next baby feeds as well as my first, and settles as well as my second LOL. Then I reckon it'd be pretty easy . The thing to remember though, is however hard you find those first few weeks, it is only a few weeks. Things soon settle to a new normal and then you can enjoy it. Also if your DH is good and supportive that will make a big difference.

I have a 9 month old DD and honestly the first 6 - 8 weeks of her life were brilliant for me. The only issue was breastfeeding hurt for the first two weeks but then we were flying along. To be fair I think I may have been one of the parents a PP talked about where it came naturally (from comments made)

Second the questions "How are you" said very searchingly by the nurse at DD's 6 week checkup - I think they may have been worrie dbout PND though.

I do think it depends on you, how relaxed you are about things in general and also how much sipport you have. Sounds like you'll have your DH on hand and that's definitely a bonus

At the moment I think it is worse with my DD as we have the 9 month sleep regresion/teething/crawling combo and no one is getting any sleep or rest.

It is exhausting, painful, emotional, even more exhausting and totally WONDERFUL!

I love the first few weeks and am already missing them even though DS is only 14 weeks.

Please do sleep as much as you can and be prepared to be shocked physically and emotionally.

Congratulations and enjoy. :-)

Lots of good advice on here on all sides :) - especially from boattobolivia - I hadn't really thought of that and you're right. It'll be hard for him too when he goes back to work (it's bad enough after normal summers!)

i think with babies the worst thing for me is the anxiety. at least with a 2 yr old you can just ignore. safe in the knowledge that there is nothing you can do to stop it, and the kid won't die or come to any harm if left crying and mauling at your legs. but a newborn screaming. there is something terrible about a newborn screaming. perhaps it's just me - but the anxiety mounts and i become irrational. i feel like it's MY fault that they are crying. whereas i can shrug off the 2yr old limpet on my ankle, or limp across the kitchen dragging the child along with me. and that's fine!

I'd say its just the first few days as your body adjusts to broken sleep. I had loads of trouble bfing but due to the tiredness its all a blur.

Even when I was knackered and my nipples were bleeding all I had to do was look at DS and there was that melty feeling!

What worked for us was me getting up in the night and DH taking the baby downstairs for a few hours so I could get some sleep knowing the babies cared for.

Its amazing. My DS is only 10 weeks old but I've loved every minute of it even trhough the tears!

I can't bear the way people feel the need to piss on expectant parents' strawberries by telling them how shit it's going to be! It is very hard work and exhausting but also wonderful, in my experience. Absolutely bloody wonderful.

It would be much more helpful if the naysayers would tell you WHY it's hard and how to make it easier. My top tips would be: accept all offers of help esp if it involves making dinner; really do try to nap when you can; and most importantly remember it will not last forever. That is the most important thing. You will get very little sleep but IT WILL NOT LAST FOREVER. Sorry to shout but I wish I had understood this at the time.

Best of luck, it's going to be amazing!

I quite enjoyed the baby stage, just breastfeeding no sterilising, no pureeing then worrying about healthy eating, being on maternity leave, but still not sure I would want to do that plus toddler/pre-schooler stage again with a third, or be splitting my brain three (or more) ways, I have enough to think about as it is!

I loved the newborn stage, breast feeding was really easy, I loved just being in bed with the babies and loosing all sense of time.

I did not like the recovery part, felt so weak I had to have baths instead of showers, lots of muscle pain and v painful piles, also hated post partum bleeding, like a never ending period :(

As long as I could have 2 hours sleep at each stretch I could get through - with lots of cups of tea!

I felt quite like you but then found the first few weeks very hard i'm afraid (sorry to be bearer of bad news!)

I didn't feel the 'rush of love' so I was worried that I didn't love my baby as much as everyone else did. I found breastfeeding very hard and beat myself up about it, (now ex)DP was around as he is self employed but he didn't seem to understand what I needed. I was in quite a lot of pain and bled for ages. I felt constantly on edge and scared that something bad was going to happen because they are just so small and helpless. I was surprised by how much time I had on my hands, I enjoy being busy but seeing as they sleep so much I was actually bored

This reads very doom and gloom but I am telling you I can look back and see it was al worth it.

DD is 13 months now and a joy! I love love love being a parent now, and it is so easy compared to the start.

My favourite survival tip. Make sure that all meals can be eaten one-handed with no needed for cutting etc. Freeze batches of pasta sauce, casseroles and curries trimmed into bite-size pieces etc.

There is nothing worse than sitting helplessly (for the fifth, sixth or seventh night running) watching DH stuff his face while your own meal congeals because you are holding the baby and can't cut your own food.

I loved the tiny baby stage. Absolutely loved it. Both times.

But I never tell anyone, becaue they shout at me. Or they assume that I'm lying. Or they assume that I was really depressed and I'm covering up. At the time people kept warning my mum and my dp that "she's just on an adrenalin high and she's was going to hit the wall soon "- "She's going to really depressed soon" and stuff like that. I didn;t and I wasn't.

Don;t expect too much of yourself. Remember that you are an animal and your baby is a baby animal and there are biological systems in place to stop animals going extinct if only you let them take over.

I haven't read all the thread but I have to say I really resent all the comments people make about the beginning being so awful.

With DD I had a rough pregnancy and when she was born I was positively high on life.. And even though we had awful evenings with colic I would still say it was one of the happiest periods of my life..

When DS came along I was obviously a lot busier but it was still really special.

Now, has anybody talked to you about trying to reason with a threenager??

I will get virtual rocks thrown at my virtual head, but I am entering week 11 with DD2 and could quite delightedly hit rewind and keep doing it again and again.

She is a magnificent baby - she doesn't cry at all (her six week vax appointment was the first time I heard her really howl) and has been sleeping through the night since she was five weeks old. We loll around on the sofa breastfeeding and watching Antiques Roadshow and Bargain Hunt, we pop into the local charity shops for a nose around and a chat with the old ladies, we have a sandwich and possibly a cake at a local cafe.

To the immense surprise of my boss (whose baby I gather was slightly less obliging) I am even getting in some revision for an economics exam I have coming up when I get back to work.

You too could win the baby lottery and get a placid one! It could be YOU!

I agree. Savour every moment. I think what is helpful is not to have high expectations, then you will probably find it much easier than you'd feared.
That was my experience. I thought the newborn stage would be horrendous - no sleep, screaming baby, stuck at home in my pyjamas all day... And it is tough and tiring, don't get me wrong. But I coped by focusing the majority of my attention and energy on the newborn and letting all else take second priority. So if housework didn't get done, or there was no milk in the house or no dinner cooked, so be it. I matched my day to my baby's rhythms and slept when he slept, etc. Of course you may need some help to achieve this and my husband was very supportive and helped out practically. Then when I had DS2 my mother came to stay for a while to help out, especially with toddler DS1.

But that would be the best advice I can offer - lower your expectations of baby and yourself and you may just be pleasantly surprised. Don't try to do too much - so what if the bed remains unmade or you don't have time to have a shower. Just spend the time attending to your baby, getting to know him/her and bonding. Accept that he/she will be time consuming with feeding, nappy changes, burping, etc. Try and take a little walk with baby as much as possible as the fresh air/change of scene will do you both good but don't push yourself to do this if you really don't feel up to it. Just take it as it comes. It is a huge transition time for both you and your baby as he/she adjusts to life outside of the womb. It will have it's challenging moments but just remember that anything from the first 4 - 8 weeks will be the hardest and then gets progressively easier as the two of you fall into a rhythm together. Remember to enjoy the cuddles and quiet reflective moments as they are only newborn for such a short period and it is really very special [DS2 is now 3 months old and I am a little nostalgic for those newborn moments although I felt a little frazzled at the time!]

Newborns are wonderful.

don't let anyone tell you they aren't!

newborn stage was the easy bit for me, once the horror of the first 2 or 3 weeks had subsided

i just used to strap him in a sling and go about my normal business but not go to work - hurrah

coffee, cake, glass of wine in the pub, nice walk, watch a movie, visit a friend. they are SO portable, and sleep loads. Now he moves and expresses an opinion i am less keen