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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the newborn phase might actually be quite fun?!

216 replies

takethatlady · 23/05/2011 14:24

Hi!

I'm 35+1 with DC1 (a DD) and everyone I talk to keeps telling me how 'awful' the first few weeks are - how you don't know what you're doing, how your baby barely responds to you and 'gives nothing back', how you are filled with perpetual fear that something bad will happen, how terrible bfing will be, and how you'll feel nothing but physically and emotionally drained and stressed and all your other relationships will suffer.

I know these people mean well and I'm really glad they're not lying to me and pretending it will all be a bed of roses, but having seen a few similar threads on MN I am just wondering if anybody out there had a really positive experience of the first few weeks? I'm lucky because my DH is a teacher and what with paternity leave and the summer holidays he's likely to be around full time for 8 of the first 10 weeks. We're both really really excited about spending the summer getting to know our new baby, however sleep deprived we're going to be, and I'd love to hear more from people who enjoyed this time despite its difficulties ...

OP posts:
mellymooks · 23/05/2011 15:52

The newborn stage was wonderful, relax, let your baby lead you and cherish every moment. I felt calm, peace and overwhelming joy that what I had longed for for so long was finally here. Breastfeeding was incredible, enjoy it all.

Finallyspring · 23/05/2011 16:01

One of my new born children was incredibly hard work. I felt like a drudge, a zombie and also BORED. With my other child, I look back on it still as the happiest time of my life. It felt easy, exciting and wonderful.

If you believe the advice you read you might believe that the secret to enjoying newborn phase is knowing lots of facts plus 'positive thinking.' You hardly ever hear about the fact that so much of it is luck. My first child slept badly, fed badly and I had little help. My second child was born with an easy going disposition, slept well and I had lots of help. These factors are largely unpredictable.

How will it be for you ? Nobody has any idea until it happens. Good luck !

kirrinIsland · 23/05/2011 16:04

I told myself the first 6-8 weeks would be hell on earth and made no plans to do anything during that time - the reality, by comparison, was a pleasant surprise :) I got out and about pretty quickly, even if it was just to the supermarket, and I can honestly say I mostly enjoyed it. I did get a bit bored and had to get out of the house everyday but once I got into the swing of things it was great. And there was no better feeling than sitting on the sofa with a snuggly newborn asleep on my shoulder, with Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter to me :)

RitaMorgan · 23/05/2011 16:08

I loved the newborn phase too, although to say so seems to be blasphemy on mumsnet!

Breastfeeding and co-sleeping definitely help, carried my baby in a sling a lot. They sleep 16+ hours a day at first anyway. Lots of snuggling up in bed, watching movies, visitors bringing presents Grin

MalkieFraser · 23/05/2011 16:25

I LOVE the newborn stage! Tiny babies are so portable, stay where you put them and only require the minimum of equipment (despite what retailers try to tell you) They don't argue or backchat, a cuddle fixes EVERYTHING, you don't have to watch cartoons or do 'stuff' with them, you can tell them your deepest darkest secrets, and that newborn smell is like a drug.

I'm 36 weeks with my last baby, and while I'm really sad about my pregnant time coming to an end - I also love being pregnant - I'm incredibly excited about having a new tiny to cradle.

Anythingwithagiraffeonit · 23/05/2011 17:08

I think the best thing to do is not to listen to horror stories.

The best time of my life was when my DD was a newborn. Like you I had DH around for a long time, 3 ish months, and it was completely blissful, hours of sleeping baby on me while DH and I watched movies, then taking her out for a walk most afternoons to Starbucks and showing her off.

When I look back (not that far, DD is 7 months) I realise how great it was to have a baby that was so sleepy and just wanted cuddles and milk. Now she wants constant attention!! I don't think DH and I will ever watch all the back to the futures in one day again :p

I bet you'll love it.

And congratulations!!!!

ledkr · 23/05/2011 17:19

just coming out the other side 16wks with 5th dc,have never liked it but so wish i had,loved the cuddles and fuzzy hard little head but the rest was bleur.
I really hope you do enjoy it tho.

SnuffleTurtle153 · 23/05/2011 17:34

Ah I have a newborn! He's 9 weeks tomorrow and he's gorgeous - everyone kept telling me how horrible it would be too, and my bf, who had a little girl a year ago, warned me I'd probably spend the first 5 months crying Confused

It's not been one massive party or anything and I did go slightly nuts during week 2, but it's nowhere near as awful as I was expecting - and they start 'giving things back' really soon; DS was giving full on smiles at 4 weeks and now at 9 weeks he laughs all the time and it just makes everything massively worthwhile.

I did struggle enormously with bf-ing though and got no support whatsoever from the hospital. That was definitely the hardest thing about it all.

So lovely that your DP is going to be off with you for ages too. Congratulations!

DorisDoesntDance · 23/05/2011 17:43

i've loved it. it's made me broody even though it's not over yet.

BF has been wonderful and the only thing i regret is that i'll have to go back to work before he's a year old.

JustcallmeMummyPig · 23/05/2011 18:07

with my dd (now 6) i hated it, i had a really traumatic birth, looking back i'm sure i had PND, have no family that live around me, dh went back to work and had no friends with babies and was basically on my own with her from waking til 6pm every day. I bf (and struggled the whole time) because i thought i had to til she was 4months and i could take it no more.

with ds (now 3) i adored it, had a fabulous elective section, bf only for first 2 weeks after i realised i was obv not a natural breastfeeder and not once felt guilty, learnt i wasn't super woman, had made loads of fab friends.

and would love to have more dc

i honestly think having support around you is so important,i am so jealous of people having helpful mums and dads around the corner!

Bogeyface · 23/05/2011 18:13

I love the newborn bit and enjoyed it with all of mine.

The only bad bit was DD1 who developed colic at around a month old and that WAS hell on earth as she screamed constantly for 5 hours every night no matter what we did with her. But still, the time she wasnt shouting from the colic was lovely and I am really looking forward to this one coming so i can do it again :)

Its such a teeny tiny amount of time out of their whole lives, and I know I will miss it when it is gone especially as this is my last baby.

Bogeyface · 23/05/2011 18:14

I am having number 6 any day now btw, and the newborn bit is a major factor in my broodiness for a big family :o

koekje · 23/05/2011 18:21

I also had a great newborn experience. Pretty straightforward natural birth but was kept in hospital for a few days as DD had the rhesus anti-body problem (still don't really understand how this could happen with a 1st baby but she didn't need any treatment). So I didn't even change a nappy until she was three days old, and trollies kept coming round with food and drink every 90 minutes or so, and there was plenty of help on hand all the time (I live in the Netherlands and hospitals are really good here).

We sort of fell into a routine (ish) when we got home and BF came very easily to us both. I didn't get the hang of daytime naps (hers) for ages but once we cracked that, she started sleeping through at about 11 weeks, just before I had to go back to work.

Biggest tip, (two in fact), if you don't have one, get a really good coffee machine, you're going to need it. And secondly, don't obsess about how little sleep you've had, I found that once I stopped keeping track and just accepted it as a temporary fact of life, it became a lot easier.

Congratulations and enjoy every minute!

SoupDragon · 23/05/2011 18:24

Nothing screams "fun FUN FUN" like sleep deprivation and a baby with wind.

pigletmania · 23/05/2011 18:28

For me it was hell. DD now 4, was crying constantly (colic) at it would be from 9am-9pm most days, very hard to sooth, and not what you would call a contented baby. Then when that was over came the teething, and the crying started all over again, actually since she got older I am finding it so much easier as you can reason and communicate with them. She is great now, a loving a caring little girl, with not a mean bone in her body bless her. It now transpires that she has possible ASD (awaiting a dx) and speech and language delay, so mabey that is why she was so difficult as a baby.

ledkr · 23/05/2011 19:14

if life could just stop and house not need mildly maintaining and other dc's picked up from school and taken to brownies dancing etc and you could just look after your newborn it would be a far nicer experience. This was my last baby too and i was so determined to enjoy it and relax but everyday life intruded and reflux didnt exactly help,i am very sad that its over now but am really enjoying her smiles and first giggles and her wonderous stares at the world. All the more enjoyable after some sleep and less crying.

CurrySpice · 23/05/2011 19:17

I adored the new baby stage. Like a new love affair - couldn't get enough of them!

You will be tired but that too will pass (mine slepy through at 5 weeks and 6 weeks respectively) and you will be fine

ShuffleBallChange · 23/05/2011 19:21

The lack of sleep is a killer, but you get used to it. I would also recommend a sling/ baby carrier. My Babybjorn was a lifesaver with DS2, he was permanently attached to me for 12 weeks, we co-slept and he was in the carrier all of the bloody day, when not attached to my boob! It was worth it though, hei s now a happy 5 month old who (gasp) self settles himself in the evenings. Enjoy every moment, even the birth no matter how painful, because they grow up so fast Smile

BoattoBolivia · 23/05/2011 19:21

I find it a bit sad that some people can dismiss other people's experiences so quickly. How can you resent others legitimate feelings?

Although I found it incredibly hard with my newborns, who were both 3-4 weeks early, very small and poor sleepers, I absolutely accept that that was just my experience, and I was very unlucky. I know others who had very different babies and therefore very different experiences, which is what you need to take away from this thread.
( and the need for one handed food, lots of support, no housework, good books, CDs and DVDs and lots of fresh air!)
Enjoy all the bits you can and remember the mum's manta of 'this is a phase and it too will pass'!

RhinestoneCowgirl · 23/05/2011 19:26

Honestly? With my first I found it a big shock going from full-time work in a busy office to at home on my own with a tiny baby who kept me pinned to the sofa feeding for much of the time. I was knackered and I was lonely. I cried a lot and had fairly extreme mood swings

Second time was better, I had more support structure in place, and DH had nearly a month off. I was much more confident and those early weeks are happy memories.

HappyAsASandboy · 23/05/2011 19:30

I loved the early days with my twins. It was one endless round of change - feed - wind - settle, with no time for anything else ( I ate while I fed a baby!), I was so so tired an hormonal, but I would do it all again in a heartbeat. They're 7 months now, and as much as I am enjoying them now too, I'd like to go back and do it all again :-)

That's what second and subsequent babies are for Grin

bibbitybobbityhat · 23/05/2011 19:33

Its fine until about 2/3 weeks, ime.

After that, if you have a colicky child (I think they call it reflux now) then it ain't no kind of fun at all. Oh no.

naughtymummy · 23/05/2011 19:36

I was dreading having a newborn, was convinced I would fall to pieces. Not a bit of it , apart from a couple of difficult days and nights ,it was like a holiday. Ds fed realy well and slept 11-7 from 8 weeks. Happy days....

Trina82 · 23/05/2011 19:40

I loved the newborn bit, would do the first 6 weeks a hundred times! The night feeds were the best bit in my opinion...I loved knowing that it was just me and my baby, no-one was going to pop in or phone, I used to get up make a cuppa watch something I'd sky+'d and just enjoy feeding and watching them uninterupted. mine all slept through from 6 weeks so it didn't last to long, maybe thats why i enjoyed it!

Enjoy every moment, it won't be 5 mins till the newborn stage is over!

RitaMorgan · 23/05/2011 19:40

bibbity - there's a difference between colic and reflux. Colic is just a catch-all term for unexplained crying for several hours a day, whereas reflux is a condition where the muscle at the top of their stomach isn't developed enough to keep their stomach contents down, so their oesophagus is burned by acid coming back up.