to think the newborn phase might actually be quite fun?!

[takethatlady]

Hi!

I'm 35+1 with DC1 (a DD) and everyone I talk to keeps telling me how 'awful' the first few weeks are - how you don't know what you're doing, how your baby barely responds to you and 'gives nothing back', how you are filled with perpetual fear that something bad will happen, how terrible bfing will be, and how you'll feel nothing but physically and emotionally drained and stressed and all your other relationships will suffer.

I know these people mean well and I'm really glad they're not lying to me and pretending it will all be a bed of roses, but having seen a few similar threads on MN I am just wondering if anybody out there had a really positive experience of the first few weeks? I'm lucky because my DH is a teacher and what with paternity leave and the summer holidays he's likely to be around full time for 8 of the first 10 weeks. We're both really really excited about spending the summer getting to know our new baby, however sleep deprived we're going to be, and I'd love to hear more from people who enjoyed this time despite its difficulties ...

Oh I loved it too - the first six weeks with DD were the most magical wonderful weeks of my life. They were also terrifying and strange etc etc but I would go back and do them all over again any time. Just beautiful.

I would say that resting and concentrating on your baby are the key things to help you enjoy. In many cultures a new mother spends six weeks in bed while female relatives do all the cleaning and cooking. I would replicate that as much as you can - don't get dressed or get up or have too many visitors. Just be and feed and enjoy (and maybe watch daytime telly too!). Good luck.

piprabbit brilliant tip. I would NEVER have thought of one-handed food

seeker you don't sound mad to me! That's what I'm talking about - people being made to feel weird or crazy for enjoying it as if it's universally a horrendous experience with no compensating features. Just as bad as being made to feel guilty if you don't get the so-called 'rush of love' or find things difficult ...

My only plan is to do what several have suggested on this thread - i.e. not to plan at all and to take things as slowly and easily as possible. One-handed meals are now a priority :), as is getting box sets, fully kitting out the moses basket by the bed, and accepting any help that comes my way ...

PS luckily I have an appalling attitude to housework already, and am not planning on changing that now

Dc1 was hard, hard, hard work. DC2 was easy peasy but wouldn't really say either was fun at the beginning.

YANBU - as you can see it's a mixed bag! I don't like the whole newborn bit - I can get flashes of what other people have said (how they smile and you melt a bit, and how other people commenting on your baby is great) but I would still much prefer to skip the whole bit - I prefer babies when they're about 1 year onwards. Anything is better than those first 12 weeks though - DS2 is 14 weeks and I enjoy him a LOT more.

However, I am a bit rubbish at pregnancy ending up in a lot of pain due to SPD and I suffered from ante-natal depression which morphs into post natal depression. Maybe that's why I hate the newborn bit. And I don't even know why I'm moaning as I have a great sleeper in DS 2 (from 10 weeks) and DS1 (2.6) was sleeping through from 8 weeks - neither of them is particularly hard work most of the time.

I have found in RL that I am in the minority where newborns are concerned - only my auntie shares my viewpoint. I really really hope you have a great time with your newborn and that you love it...makes those sleepless/broken nights a lot easier to deal with! Good luck!

I had two lovely babies and loved every second: have ds of 5 months and I'm feeling massively broody. Enjoy - you sound like you want to and you will. Even if things get a bit tricksy just hold onto that feeling....

YANBU

I loved the newborn stage, especially the first time round. Not quite the same after that, trying to juggle a newborn and a toddler!

One thing I loved was a huge sense of freedom. Instead of having to go to work every day, you have the day to do exactly as you please. Newborns are v portable so you can more or less do what you want.

And when you start getting those first smiles.....incredible!

You sound v positive which is great. I b/f all 3 of mine and loved it. Very easy when you go out, do don't need to take much with you. And so easy in the night. If you can, learn to feed lying down on your side = less getting up in the night!

I really don't know why some people are so negative about the early weeks. Perhaps they just had really bad experiences themselves.

Good luck with the baby!

i loved having a new born. its all so new and exciting. i could spend hours just staring at her amazed at how tiny yet complex she was. i was just in awe of her and her little miracle organs. there was slight drama with the no thyroid thing, but the first 8 weeks were the happiest of my life.

I loved the newborn phase. I think it really depends on the baby though and DS1 was really easy.

DS2 was easy too, but was hospitalised with meningitis at 10 days, which kind of interrupted things somewhat.

If you have a contented newborn and not too bad a start with feeding, then I think it can be a really lovely time.

For me the newborn stage was a bit twilight zone and painful, and obviously joyess. I found it a little dull... I love the stage when they start doing something almost human onwards.

I struggled a bit with a 3 yr old and a newborn, I felt massive guilt at the lack of quality time spent with my eldest.

Happy happy happy now, with a 3 yr old and a 7 yr old, the conversations we have are priceless and I chuckle a lot.

Worst days of my life both times, but you may well feel differently. I hope so! Good luck.

The new baby stage was nice, (my dd is 16 months and I'm due again this July) my oh had 4 weeks with us as I was really poorly after delivery and not allowed out of bed for 2 weeks except to the bathroom......maybe that's why I liked the first few weeks??

Once he was back at work it was hard work but you soon get into your own little routine. I had pnd and ptsd so things weren't smooth at all times but we muddled through it.

What I will say is weaning was such a pain! So much easier when they just have milk and then before you know it weaning is over and they eat proper food and it's back to being straight forward again till they have a day where they hate what they loved yesterday, and you wish you could go back to weaning for a break haha.

I guess what I'm trying to say in my essay op is this: all the stages of parenthood (that I have experienced up to now) are difficult and joyous all at once and you miss things you never thought you would.....like sterilising bottles....I'm strange aren't I?!but once one stage is over you have a whole new stage/adventure to look forward to.

Enjoy your new baby and especially enjoy your oh being able to spend so much time with you both.

TBH I found with ds1 that there was always someone full of doom about the 'next stage', no matter what stage I was at, from pregnancy onwards. When pregnant it was make the most of it now, soon there will be no sleep ect ect, at newborn it was wait til they are crawling, then walking, then talking and so on. I actually have enjoyed everystage, although the new born stage can be a bit boring as all hey do is eat, sleep and poo.

Newborn phase is fantastic.
Pre- toddling and pre-talking I found a pain in the arse.
Walking and talking-brilliant!

I loved the newborn stage too. I remember dreading it when I was pregnant, with everyone telling me the first six weeks were awful, but for me they really werent -it was fantastic and I had the time of my life. It seemed so easy, just lots of closeness, cuddles and getting to know my DD and the sleeplessness not nearly as bad as everyone says (and I like my sleep and also get insomnia, so I really feared waking up and never getting to sleep). Cant wait to do it again.

My survival tips would be to go along with how your little one wants to be, dont set up huge expectations of what it will be like, trust your own instincts and judgement and try and make sure that you dont put too much pressure on yourself.

Also, be really selfish about limiting visitors/phone calls/trips out if thats what you feel like.

It was true for DS1 but I LOVED the newborn stage with DS2 (10 year age gap). I learnt alot with DS1 and put it into practice with DS2 : accepted that BF takes hours and hours, co-slept from day 1, remembered that it goes SO quickly, took up all the offers of help I could and just kept things really simple for the first few weeks (not much going out in the car, simple dinners, keeping just on top of houswork), used a sling, made time for myself (watching day time telly and not feeling guilty, having a short bath, phone calls with good friends, having easy people over).
I loved it and knowing he is our last I didn't wish a moment of it away (unlike DS1 when I said "phew" when people said the time flies by.

As dibbler says, I think if you expect it to be a bed of roses you might be shocked, but I was actually expecting it to be really hard to go back to the baby stage and so an easy day was a bonus. It helped having a Spring baby so the days were long and we could go out.

It also helped that DS was a pretty content baby.

Good luck!

lambzig you've hit the nail on the head there. As little as I know what to expect about having the baby (and I really really don't know what to expect - people tell me things, and I try to imagine it, but really, how can you possibly imagine it properly?!) I'm not as afraid of that as I am of having to get rid of a certain few people I know will never want to leave . I guess it's easier to be afraid of what you know will be difficult - and ignorance is bliss on all the rest!

Whoever said about it being a mixed bag at all stages and different for everybody sounds sensible to me. It's just nice to hear what's good about it, and tips on how to enjoy it, as well as what to expect which might not be so easy.

The overriding message seems to be to have low expectations - of self and baby (and DH too, I guess) - in order to be pleasantly surprised. That I can definitely do :)

It seems to depend so much on the baby! My DS was 7 weeks prem and so small, but we still took him home at 5 days old. He suffered severe reflux, so cried and screamed constantly when he was awake and only slept for the odd few hours during the day; 4pm-4am was constant screaming, he used to go really hoarse but just kept on. He had to be fed every 2.5 hours due to his size and other problems too. Now he's 7 months old it's a lot better, but the first 5 months definitely were just hell. Love him to bits though :) A friend of mine made me a wall poster saying "He's fed, he's clean, he's safe - you're doing a great job, mummy." That poster saved my sanity on numerous occasions!

Hope you enjoy it as much as others have, but if it all starts to get a bit much, remember it does get better, and "he/she's fed, clean, safe...".

I loved it too. With my first. I found it harder with the other two, newborn plus toddlers was very tiring.

OP everybody is different. I think with your dh being at home you will probably be fine.

Online shopping
Freeze portions/sauces
Buy a good sling
Order some nice books
If you can, de-clutter your house now so it will be easier to tidy up and clean. Keep everything simple.

Imo it is nice to have a summer baby as it is easier to be in good mood in the summer and you can go for a walk.

I found it unexpectedly lovely (probably because I expected it to be awful) so apart from being tired I did enjoy it.

I actually went through a phase of enjoying her less once she was a few months older and there was a bit less to do, but she still couldn't do much really. I got quite bored

TBH, it doesn't really matter, parents all have 'ages' that they struggle with their kids at and whatever those ages are they're always going to outgrow them and move on to the next thing!

I never did online shopping, by the way, there's a lot to be said for getting out the house and talking to other adults, even if it's just to hand over money.

I love the newborn stage. Better out than in.

I loved the newborn stage!

They sleep and you can cuddle them all day long! I don't remember being sleep deprived, but I had lots of day time naps.

Now he has tantrums, climbs EVERYTHING and our flat constantly looks like its been burgled! He also likes to get up at 6am :-(

Relish the time he is not mobile!

DeWe. I agree! Maybe because i hated being pregnant.