To not want all our weekends eaten up by ds's football playing?

[emkana]

Asking on behalf of my SIL actually. Her ds wants to play football, training twice a week and matches at the weekend. She hates the thought of it, especially considering she has two younger daughters. Is it a sacrifice you have to make?

HattiFAttner: how old is your DS, how many hours/week do the rugby/swimming/scouts/any other reg. activity each take up?

TheBride: ime (went to school that gave ballet lessons) & imho, ballet isn't that healthy an environment. Promotes a lot of distorted body images. I was quite glad when DD gave up dance.

Why is it so wrong that some of us just want to mostly potter about at home on weekends? I think DC need it as much as I do.

We are all quite sporty and I think before your child plays in a team you have to consider if the whole family is happy to arrange their weekends around it.
I tend to avoid non essential regular weekend fixtures eg I wouldn't book a weekend class in something like gymnastics that was available during the week.
If you are going to play sport to any level though you have to prioritise it. If one of my kids is particularly good at a sport and chosen to play that sport for their school then their sporting fixtures will be prioritised, althopugh my husband and I sometimes organise sporting activities and that would always take priority over someone just participating in a sport, but is less frequent.
It should be possible to find a balance.
I think your SIL is right to think about this before jumping into it and then end up resenting the committment.

2rebecca - agree - I also think it depends of whether SIL works or not - my kids get mums taxi to all their activities because I am a SAHM. I have my downtime during the day when they are at school. I would stress.... If I worked, I would not want to or be able to do all this.

We spend at least 18 hours a week on activities.....

dc2 - 11: swimming 8-10 hours (county standard) rugby 2 hours.

dc3 - 8: swimming 1.5 hours
dc1 - 14: Is shopping considered "sport"?

Scouty stuff: 2 hours each.

Plus tournaments/meets, which can be an all day affair, once a month or so, or can just be a couple of hours. Swimming is an early development sport if you do it competatively. Its like gyymnastics.

My younger kids are very sporty, middle one especially also plays footie, water polo, hockey at school. If they are not playing sport, they are on the trampoline or go karts or bikes in the summer.

I always wondered what the point of all the ballet was my DD is doing, as she's not going to make it as a ballerina, but then I saw her on a rowing machine and realised all that money I've spent has resulted in her having such beautiful posture! :)

she could have walked about with books on her head while you watched telly.

emkana - your SIL will thank herself when her DS is a sport-mad teen with plenty to keep him occupied if she invests the time now ensuring he learns football (and other sports). Male teens with nothing to keep them busy are a real pain!

Can't afford books - spent too much on football and ballet lessons.

I forked out for gymnastics and ballet at the beginning of the school year - both required a lot of logistics on my behalf and I was shattered. And DD would walk straight out of both activities not remotely tired and ask whether we could go swimming or to the park instead.

So now I just make her walk everywhere and we go to the park a lot, where there is a climbing frame and scooter park that actually manage to tire her out - for free.

I’m intrigued by the statement ‘we both work FT so don’t get the whole family time thing’.
We do too - for me, family time is whatever’s left over after the daily grind, laundry, cleaning etc - so I actually really value family time.

This isn’t meant as confrontational at all, I’m genuinely just interested - do you all value time together when everyone’s not doing work/ lifts/ commutes/ chores/ paying bills? Or do you like free time away from each other?

I’d say there’s no right or wrong answer to your question. In my view, your kids are very little for you to be dedicating so much time to a hobby - but each to their own! We spend our weekends driving the kids to stuff that make them happy, whereas I have a friend who will only invest time/ money into hobbies that have a real future (for example her son is absolutely brilliant at football to the extent it could be a career).

Mine aren’t going to make a career out of any of their hobbies, but I think it’s a really personal choice. My oldest is 15 and the hobbies have significantly changed along the way. Honestly I find all the lifts and hanging around a pain - but on the flip side, time flies, he’s nearly an adult and so I just go along with the kid hobbies as they won’t be kids for ever.

i really think it’s up to you though, and what works best for your family. I don’t think YABU to find it a ball-ache/ boring/ annoying - I certainly do! You’re just being honest - it doesn’t float your boat.

is there a way you could compromise so kids are happy and you are too? I’m a big believer in happy mum = happy kids. If your job is so demanding that you can’t cope with all those weekends, I think that’s perfectly reasonable! You can’t pour from an empty cup, and all that. I’ve suffered from burnout previously from trying to do it all.

Hope you find a balance OP. Don’t be pressured into being Supermum - they need you happy and healthy above all else. X

I suspect she might have resolved the issue over the last 14 and a half years.

I am totally with you. We value our family time together at the weekend as the weeks are so rushed.
I dislike the idea of waking up early instead of taking our time (as we never can during the week) , and of driving to places to spend hours standing outside or sitting in the car waiting for an activity to finish. If my children were super keen on something , maybe, but that's not the case. They like their downtime and I feel they do enough in the week with school and clubs.

She's being unreasonable. Part of being a parent is facilitating your kids interests and passions. If she couldn't do it for financial or logistical reasons then fine, but just because she doesn't want to isn't really fair.

We have some sort of kids hobby every day but still manage plenty of days out and family time. I do dream of the 7:30am Saturday dance class being moved to a more sociable hour but DD loves it so we go.

Lol!! Certainly hope she has! I didn’t check the date. Why do I get served these old Mumsnet threads in their weekly roundup email? Going to have to unsubscribe!!

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