To not want all our weekends eaten up by ds's football playing?

[emkana]

Asking on behalf of my SIL actually. Her ds wants to play football, training twice a week and matches at the weekend. She hates the thought of it, especially considering she has two younger daughters. Is it a sacrifice you have to make?

[stoppingat3]

I'm afraid I'm in the "welcome to parenting" club! My two boys play, rugby/football/cricket and swim. We have at least one school match a week during the week as well as the extras they do outside.

Almost every other saturday this term has a cricket match - yesterday we were lucky and they were both home so we could watch together - they then practice on Sunday morning.

Winters are spent Saturday afternoons at football and Sundays at Rugby (although DH often takes them)

This is family life in our house - I pray our DD is non sporty!

So I think your SIL is BU and should let DN enjoy it while he can

[compo]

There's something very mumsnetty about this
in rl most mums I know don't ferry their kids about all weekend
most like lie ins and bacon sarnies
or moan about hungover dh's

[duckdodgers]

Different priorities? Explain a bit what you mean then. And do you think it would be different if it was an activity she was interested in?

[compo]

Or work at weekends

[duckdodgers]

compo I know you corrected it but I had a wee laugh there at what on earth a cootie game was

[compo]

Different priorities as in go to the cinema as a family maybe?

My neice is in her late teens now

she hated being dragged out to watch her brother play football every Sunday morning
she still bemoans it now

[emkana]

Different priorities as in wanting the whole family to do stuff together, especially while the children are still young.

[compo]

duckdodgers - by the way dodging ducks sounds like an excellent family weekend activity

[emkana]

Exactly compo.

[PumpkinBones]

Is this actually your SIL, or you?!
Either way, I don't understand the point of the question. Either she is going to compromise on what she thinks constitutes family time (and I can't believe 2 under 5 DD's get much out of a steady diet of stately homes, and museums...god when I think about all the similar places we used to take DS1 to, and he really would have been just as happy mucking about in the park...obviously different with DS2, as he has to fit in more with DS1) and take him to football, or she isn't, and will justify the choice.

[Scholes34]

When they're young, you don't travel far - the league will cover local clubs and a longer drive will only happen occasionally. The matches are short. A well organised club will "rest players" to ensure that those who make the journey get a decent game. If the coach insists on the whole squad going and your DN only gets to play for a few minutes, tell your SIL to find a club with a better attitude. The length of the match for U7s will be no longer than 2x15mins plus 2x7.5 minutes. If it's a Saturday morning, that leaves the rest of the weekend for "family time". Plus, as many have mentioned, the season doesn't go on the whole year.

If your DN likes football he should be given the opportunity to play matches. It is a competitive sport afterall. But do tell your SIL to make sure there's a well-behaved, well-grounded set of parents who are keen that the boys and girls enjoy what they're doing.

A seven year old's football commitments won't take over the whole family's weekend. It's only when you get to Academy level you clock up the miles and have to invest a lot of time to this.

[emkana]

It really is my SIL, but I am very much on her side, against other family members.

[duckdodgers]

But surely you can do this as well? Its about a balance I think. We do go places like castles because we are members of National Trust Scotland and time is precious as I work Mon-Fr and DH works all day Sat so its just Sunday for us. If my DS2 wanted to play football I would be the first to admit I wouldnt relish taking him etc because I have no interest in it I would probably bribe DS1 to take him but I would guess have to make the effort.

As it is he goes to Scouts and has now said he wants to go to the local dance class to learn tap dancing.

[Scholes34]

It's not just weekends. I was hoping to get to the Beer Festival this week, but two lots of cricket, band practise, two lots of football, Scouts, youth club, karate and a birthday party are getting in the way. But hey, this is what parenthood is all about. One day I'll miss all this, but I'll be able to spend more time at the Beer Festival to compensate.

[Niecie]

I would also dispute it is selfishness. Since when did children get to say how a family spent their weekend? It wasn't like that when I was a child and I don't like the way that so many people now feels the need to make the children the centre of everything and make all the spare time about them.

I have to say I wouldn't want to make the sacrifice either. DS2 is currently doing football training on a Saturday morning. He can't join a club as we go to church on Sundays but if he did it would be one training evening and the match on a Sunday. He enjoys it but I doubt he would want to give up 2 evenings to training sessions - that seems excessive. Of course children should have their own interests but they shouldn't be so all consuming that everybody else suffers. What is the DDs do want to do something? The family are going to hard pushed to find the time if they have to fit round so much football.

Everybody should get the chance to do something not just the DS. Don't pretend its only an hour at the weekend. DS's training is an hour but with getting ready, getting there and back it is the entire morning gone with the rest of us waiting to get on to do doing something else. We do it, we do it without letting him know its not what we would chose to do but it is a bind and having had Saturdays free to do what we please until recently, it does feel like we have had our wings clipped.

[FabbyChic]

Surely children should be encouraged to find interests? To take part in those interests. To interact with his peers. He won't play football on Saturday and Sundays and it does only take two hours leaving plenty of time for family activities.

I think your SIL should find out how much time it will take up first, childrens interests should be put first, not last.

[GoodDaysBadDays]

But ops nephew does want to play football oddboots, yours enjoy other activities which you enjoy with them. See it as a chore, it will be a chore. Embrace it and it won't seem so bad!

An yes I like a lie in and bacon sarnie as much as the next person and still get the bacon part regularly though often it's from the van at the football pitch! And no washing up!

Haven't had a lie in since 2007 but not a priority for me. dh works most weekends anyway. A couple of times a year we have a night away and boy do we love that lie in!

[Oakmaiden]

I am really sitting on the fence here.

On the one hand most of my dd's friends Mums are all horrified that I spend my weekend taking my children to various activities - apparently they are strongly of the opinion that weekends are for relaxing and kicking back, so to speak. Although most of them do go to church on a Sunday (which I don't).

The flip side is that most of my ds's friends all go off to play football on a Saturday morning and Rugby on a Sunday. I actually bowed out this year (football practice was changed so it was the same time as my daughter's pre existing dance class - and rugby is late in the evening and too f*ing cold - and as my son was still 5 he wasn't allowed to play matches anyway, just train - he is old enough for matches this year though) but strongly suspect we will be doing it all next season. Frankly I think being competent at team sports is just too important as a playground skill nowadays.....

[BendyBob]

Well I do grumble a bit about the to-ing and fro-ing to activities I must admit , football being only one on the long list of many as we have 3 dc.

There's dancing, swimming, cubs etc. But dh does loads and loads of helping with it too. It's the impact on mealtimes and the general pressure to be places that's difficult. But having said that I don't really mind. I want them to do these things - I know they appreciate and enjoy it.

I do see it as part of being interested parents. Not a sacrifice as such, just part and parcel of wanting to help dc try things out and getting involoved in what interests them. If we didn't do them, yes we'd have some days out. Sometimes. We do still do all that, but I doubt we'd be able to replace the activities the dc do with family stuff every week and it's not the same. They've made lots of friends, feel committed and are part of something bigger.

And when I think of my own childhood... Well that's not what I want for mine. I did nothing. My parents weren't engaged, didn't offer and I never asked. We had the occasional day out and that was it, and looking back I think what a waste

[Scholes34]

Football season's over now. You can all now enjoy the free Saturday or Sunday mornings so much more now.

[Oakmaiden]

It is not selfish though - and it is not ESSENTIAL. My parents didn't spend all their time ferrying me from one activity to another. And many children today don't either. However, it is an "extra" which may well greatly benefit your nephew.

[GoodDaysBadDays]

Oh and if you are friendly with other parents you can share lifts so you might only have to do every second or third week.

[exoticfruits]

It is what you do if you have DCs.Just be pleased that they have a healthy interest. I hate football but can't tell you how many hours I have spent on the sidelines. The sensible thing is to get together with others, share lifts and have tie off. The years go quickly-nice to look back and think that you fostered an interest.

[compo]

two lots of cricket, band practise, two lots of football, Scouts, youth club, karate and a birthday party are getting in the way. But hey, this is what parenthood is all about.

It really really isn't what parenthood is all about

what if you can't afford all that?
Or are at work?

A kick about with your mum or dad in the park can be just as good you know
really it just seems on mn that everyone does everything
some people just like to take the kids up the allotment in a Sunday morning or to church or to the woods

[emkana]

So they do this until they are 15/16 then give it up. What have they gained from it for the rest of their lives, provided they are active without football?