To not want all our weekends eaten up by ds's football playing?

[emkana]

Asking on behalf of my SIL actually. Her ds wants to play football, training twice a week and matches at the weekend. She hates the thought of it, especially considering she has two younger daughters. Is it a sacrifice you have to make?

That's why I'm making the most of family time now - because I fully accept they won't want it when they are older.

I don't think it so bad limiting a 7 yr old-as long as you realise that within 5 yrs you won't have 'family life' as you want it. Everything is a compromise. I am just thrilled if mine want to do something constructive and healthy and so I wouldn't put difficulties in the way.
Much better than a lot of family time which seems to be shopping-judging by when I go out at weekends! I found that I could drop at things, go to the supermarket and then pick up. You can work around it, in all sorts of ways.

yanbu. Every family I know with a football-mad DS talks about how demanding the weekend commmitments are; many express open relief when the season ends. None of these people considered it for a child under y3-4. Has nobody talked here about how the matches run in all weathers, you end up standing on the freezing sidelines cheering them on in hail or pouring rain? At best, it's a match commitment every other weekend, from what I've picked up. There is No Way I'd sign myself up for all that for a 6-7yo unless they were obviously amazingly keen and gifted. Starts to be reasonable at about age 8-9yo.

Some clubs actually run two active sides, who alternate weekends playing matches, letting more children play but not so intensively, especially good for younger children (under 10s).

Many clubs will let anybody come to training sessions but still not have to commit to being part of the regular team; it's a reasonable compromise, for those who think that somehow age 6-7 is a window of opportunity not to be missed.

All of you calling the SIL selfish, if she does the same for her 2 DDs as she does for her DS, i.e. 3 activities a week, that is 9 activities she has to fit in. Is the poor woman not allowed a life?! It is one thing not being selfish and realising that you have to allow others to have their own interests, it is quite another to have your whole life (outside of work/school hours obviously) at the beck and call of your children with big chunks of your weekend basically out of your own control. The nephew already plays football once a week, it isn't as if he is deprived but 3 times for a 7 yr old is excessive.

Why can't the boy wait a few years, play knock about footie with his friends, close to home and join a club when he is old enough to get on his bike or walk there all by himself. He should be able to do that by the time he is 11 (although of course years ago children were doing just that much younger than 11). Then if he has to travel to a match further than he can easily get to on a bike, his parents probably will be glad to ferry him around a bit.

Ha, ha at the footie playing season finishing in April. I will still be running DS2 to soccer school on a Saturday morning right up until the summer holidays. Then it starts again in September.

Fluffles, "i have often wondered about adults who have no interests at all, who just work and go home and watch tv and then spend their weekends mooching about or doing housework or shopping.. i wondered how they ended up like that... "
Yes, that is me. I so never should have had children. I just like pottering around at home. I got on the trampoline with the boys and we had a right laff. we never went anywhere all weekend. dh had them on their bikes.
'When I were young', i only went to brownies. my 2 older brothers went to judo. Not 15 activities a week, which it what it seems like now.
I have limited ds1(7) to beavers and karate. football, he was asked to leave because he wasn't good enough, broke my heart. and we have stopped swimming for a bit, becasue I think 2 evening activities is enough. Plus I have to take ds2(2) to pick up ds1 at 7.30 and i thinks thats too late for a 2 yr old. no lifts available, no one in my area.
And these people that do 5 or 6 activities a week, it just seems so wrong.

No, football isn't an option in this house unless it can be done in the week. Dh often only had Saturdays off and so it's kept for family days.

Was it scholes who wanted to go to the beer festival? See, I thinks thats wrong. why shouldn't scholes go? Everyone in the family has needs that should be considered. not just the kids. I'm sure one week off from activities, wouldn't hurt if mummy really wanted to go somewhere.
why is it all kids, kids, kids? Never ever do anything for yourself. No never. God, how selfish would that be. to have an annual want. mummy, what kind of parent are you ??!!!

I will make it to the Beer Festival, because I will go later in the evening with DH, rather than taking the DCs earlier in the evening (they wouldn't be drinking beer, but meeting up with their friends). I make sacrifices now and I don't mind making them because I know in a few years' time, my DCs won't need me to the same extent. It just happens on this occasion that there are cricket and football matches to go to which happen to be important and which I will enjoy as much as an evening at the Beer Festival.

I wasnt sure about all the ferrying around when my son was that age, but I am so glad I did. He is now nearly 14 - still plays games on saturday and trains during the week. It really gives him a focus, keeps him fit and stops him hanging around town with his friends on a Saturday. He is also in the school football team - i really would encourage it all the way!

I feel the same Dukey-if you wait until they are 14yrs you are probably too late-foster interests when younger is my motto and it pays off later on. If you wait until they are 14yrs and say that you are ready to give them some time they will probably turn around and tell you that they are no longer interested!

I don't believe in parents signing their DCs up for lots of things and having a hectic time trying to fit them all in, with no time to chill and be bored-much better to do nothing. I think it entirely different if your DC asks you if they can go to something and in that case I would accommodate if I possibly could.

Our DS1 (9) plays football on a Saturday morning and rugby on a Wednesday night (training) and Sunday morning. His grandad takes him to football as it gives my dad something to do while mum works on Saturday mornings and DH takes him to rugby and both love this "boy time". If his rugby is a bit away then we make a day of it and all go - take the dog, picnic, toys etc.

DS2 (2) loves rugby too so insists of going with his dad and big brother when they go on Sunday mornings. I love the fact that my boys are active and especially DS1 - he would quite easily spend his time on the Xbox, watching movies or on the trampoline if he didn't have the two sports to go to.

In my opinon part of being a parent is this - giving up a bit of time on your weekends to take the kids to these activities. I remember my mum and dad taking me to dance classes ever Saturday morning for about 10 years - we just did what we had to do after i finished - these things generally don't last the entire day.

I'm also not one for signing the DCs up for everything and having a hectic schedule, but yet I find myself with a hectice schedule! It just creeps up on you and before you know it, you should really be thinking about a career in logistics. I would certainly never have planned my week to be the way it is, but I'm not complaining . . . and I will get to the Beer Festival.

my daughters often choose to come with me and stand in the muck and cold with the friends they have made, to cheer for thier brother, than stay at home in the dry with thier dad! (dad then also has to come!) (dh and i take it in turns)

I supect alerior motives i.e when they reach teen age, and are on first name terms with the team!!!

isnt this is what being a parent is all about?

Hmmm...beer festival versus children's activities....know which one I'd go for

In all honesty, I realy do not see my role as a parent - or as a person - as someone who is a self-sacrificial taxi service. I do not schlep the Inferiorettes away from the school gate to Activities - I'm more than happy for them to have stuff at school and pick them up later but I've got work to do. And at the weekends they do a couple of things - DD1 has a dance class and then they both have swimming; but apart from that they do a lot of seeing their mates and generally pointless hanging about in that delightful way that one does at the weekend. (They are nice, sociable kids by the way, not lone psychopaths or anything.)

Mind you I don't take them to their weekend activities either. Their father does.

I should make the most of this and enjoy the stage-there will come a time shortly when they won't want to do it!

Well I'm not sure about 'shortly'. DD is only 6 remember. DSD was coming with us whenever she could, right up until her GCSE year - she even sacrificed a weekend activity that she enjoyed so she could join us.
She used to have her friends competing to come - so much so we needed a rota!

DD is more than happy to spend our weekends this way - and we have tears most Sunday's when we have to come home. When I told her she couldn't do Modern Dance on a Saturday she understood it was because of the caravan (because I'm not ready to tell her that we are making the most of seeing her grandparents on the assumption that we it is likely we will lose both this year ).

Hey ho, all kids are different and we all 'parent' in different ways. I dont think my DB has had a free weekend in the last 16 years or so with 2 very sporty DS's - he's happy with this, I wouldn't be.

Oh, and actually I too would be deeply fed up if my partner was out doing something every Sunday afternoon. Not occasional Sundays, but regular Sundays. Not least because I do more hands-on parenting in the week. I have no problem with him going off to do t'ai chi on a Wednesday evening and occasional Sundays; he has no problem with me singing on a Thursday evening and occasional Saturdays. But otherwise one or the other of us would be landed with sole childcare and much as I love my children I would find this very stressful.

There was a thread no so long ago where parents were called cruel for taking their DCs to the coast everyweekend! Posters recounted at great length how they hated being dragged away! We are all different-I would have been quite happy to have been taken.
It is all a question of responding to the DC you get-not your idea of what you wanted! (if I could have put in an order I would have said not a footballer please! However I got the footballers and went with it)

I always think that my DS needs to be exercised, a bit like a dog, so am pleased he likes sport.

I've always seen mine the same way. Simple needs -plenty of physical exercise and we are all happy!

Well, I meant generally, really, not just yours but I suppose I did see yours and assumed it was the afternoon (which I think Em probably did too).

But really, I'm not prepared to spend all weekend ferrying my children around. They seem quite nice and non-psychotic children, really they do.

If your DN wants to do football, he really needs to start now. As some other posters have said, people start playing in teams now and stay with them until their teens. My younger DS tried to start playing at 8 and that was really already too late as he didn't have the skills that he needed. My older DS started at the same age, but had already practised his skills beforehand.

exoticfruits - ahh hadn't seen that thread. I spent most of my junior and teen years in a caravan at the weekends. Was fab!

Probably why as soon as we had enough cash DH and I bought our own static. DSD and DD certainly havent had as much freedom as I did (kicked out the door in the morning and only coming back for tea!) but they both seem to enjoy it. DSD in particular acts quite jealous of DD if we talk about going down there now.

Your SIL has to do what works best for her family (all of them) we all have different lifestyles and as such what works for one won't work for another.

For example, my OH works Mon-Fri 9-5 where as I work shifts (no set pattern) so we don't necessarily have weekends together (for example I worked Sat night so spent half of Sunday sleeping and am off today), and my eldest now works at weekends. Our children are 18,15 and 7 but we have always tried to accommodate their needs within reason. For example my eldest had swimming lessons and can swim very well, when she was aged 7 she wanted to start gymnastics so she had to chose just one activity (she chose gymnastics) which meant 2 evenings a week and Sunday mornings plus competitions (all over the place)

Son also had swimming til he was 7 and then chose football, one weekday evening training session and matches on Sundays. For him football has been excellent - a source of exercise away from his X box, but more importantly he has learned about teamwork and discipline. He used to misbehave (nothing serious, talking messing about) and was quite short tempered. He learnt that if he messed about in football he was dropped from the team and that losing his temper got him nowhere.

Youngest still has the joys of swimming lessons at 9.00 Saturday morning! She has not shown an interest in anything else yet. My children have realised that whilst they can do activities that they choose it is about family as well ie they have to accommodate the needs of others. Also by having to choose the activity made them weigh up whether or not it was what they really wanted to do.

Yes sometimes if I am working DD has to go along to the football matches but she accepts that and knows her dad will spend time with her later at the park or local castle