To not want all our weekends eaten up by ds's football playing?

[emkana]

Asking on behalf of my SIL actually. Her ds wants to play football, training twice a week and matches at the weekend. She hates the thought of it, especially considering she has two younger daughters. Is it a sacrifice you have to make?

What a 3 year old needs to have developed their own weekend activities??

Exotic I think that is nonsense. To talk about personal statements when your child is Seven! He doesn't have to be enrolled in the blooming Cadets! There are plenty of activities which don't involve thrice weekly commitment from parents at expense of other family time. We do so many activities now. They are tailored to what our children are interested in. No-one is shoehorned.
BUT when I have to cart other children around, keep them up late, can't get homework done I think carefully about what my priorities are, and whether it is turning me into a stressed badtempered creature. There are lots of activities my children would benefit from, but don't do, for precisely this reason. We've given up swimming lessons, ds1 doesn't do Judo (although I'd probably like him to) and we can't fit in drama...Much as we'd like to...

She doesn't want her 6 year old to play football, so obviously her 3 and 4 year olds won't be able to go to ballet/dance classes when they're older. Or orchestra/choir. Or hockey, netball, tennis etc

To be careful they're not overloaded with activities is one thing. To decide that the oldest isn't allowed to upset her weekend plans is selfish. And he will remember, in 5 years when his sisters are off on a Saturday horse riding and he's sitting at home because he can't get onto a football team because the other boys have 5 years more playing experience.

GoodDays we are not talking about occasional trips to farms, or train journeys. We are discussing whether OP wants a thrice weekly commitment to football ALONE.

I know lots of people with three kids. The first does every activity under the sun. By the third child, the parents are just fitting with all the things they have to take the first two to. Much better to slowly build up, perhaps just swimming lessons and a bit of football, and then see how it works out when they are older and the little girls have developed their interests.

Fabby I find it odd that you assume the girls will want to dance and the boys do football. There are sports girls like too! And other interests.

Isn't it give and take? I sat by a very breezy pitch this morning watching DS bowled out for no runs play cricket. He'll come shopping with me another weekend because that's when I get to go shopping and DH is mending the car. Or something. That's how it works. We all get to do what we like doing at time, but we get to do what other people like doing too.

I think the 'feminine' hobbies are a reaction to the attitude coming through from Emanka, that it's competitive sport itself that's part of the problem- asking what benefit children get from it.

Nonsense Narky. How do you know that when he's 8 or 9 she won't feel more up to weekend commitments? No-one has said it will be five years of NO FOOTBALL, just that she doesn't feel up to it NOW, with two younger sisters. What a very strange world you all live in, where the girls are all horse riding and dancing, and boys are playing on teams. I don't remember my childhood being nearly as competitive as you make it out.. Horse riding is also extremely expensive, not many people can do it, so why mention it?

Anyway off to bed (before tomorrow's, let me see Singing, Ballet x 2, Cubs and Scouts, for my three kids)

Oh yes, and somewhere in there Ds1 is also doing football training round the corner, but he takes himself as he's 11

I think if dc want to be involved in sport - encourage it. Too many are prostrate at the altar of video games. There are two parents - no? Why would his sisters miss out if he participates in football matches every Saturday a.m.?

I wonder if she would feel the same if it was one of her daughters doing something she might be able to empathise with more? I think not letting him do it because in a couple of years one of his sisters might want to do something else is really mean tbh, let him play (he might hate it) and deal with what the others want to do when it happens. There is lots of lift sharing and co-operation with most sports as plentyof people have more than one child.

Definitely encourage an interest in sport, but just not at such a high price and committing to just one sport, at this age. I know at least two people in ds2's class who are brilliant at football, and they only just started aged 9 started training once a week in addition to Saturday matches. No way was it three times a week. They did other sport too, and attended Beavers/Cubs.

At seven you are full of enthusiasm for all sorts of things, and football is the most obvious attention grabber...but there are many other things that feed your child and he could find interesting too. After all, they do PE in school as well, and often After school football there too.

Sorry Swan was using them as an example, should have listed all the activities but could have taken ages.

I had a partner who went to Football every Sunday, I feel that as well as children partners need extra activities to keep them sane specifically when they work all week.

I saw what it done to my parents marriage neither having anything else going on other than family activities at weekends and of a night, my father ending up on the slot machines doing hundreds of pounds and my mother had an affair as neither had an outlet for their stressful jobs.

Fabby that is a very good point about outside interests lasting into adult hood, I just take issue with the idea that a seven year old is doomed if he doesn't start Training NOW.

Sorry but if he is 7 now and really wants to play youth football he does need to get into a team now, Next season he will be playing under 8's so only 2 years before he will be playing 11 aside with offside rules ect.

Plus he wants to play now not when he is old enough to take himself.

Swan my point about farm trips was an example of where other dc's have their time. It was suggested one dc playing football meant the others missed out.

The farm is dd's favourite thing to do and as a result we go a few times a month. The train rides are ds3's current 'thing', his elder brothers come along because it means a lot to him having them there. similar to ds2 enjoying his siblings watching him play football.

These could be classed as hobbies.

What's wrong with a 3 year old doing things at the weekend? It may not be a regular club but its an activity he enjoys regularly with his family.

So it's wrong to encourage an older child to play a sport incase younger ones are bored but also wrong for those younger children to enjoy a regular activity?

I think this requirement for 4 sessions of football per week for a 6/7 year old is ridiculous and unnecessary, it eats up too much of the child's time, too much of the family's time. That's why my DS (age 6) doesn't attend a football club.

He kicks a ball around in the park with us and his younger sister, and he has a tennis lesson for an hour a week, and a half hour swim lesson.

The rest of his time is unstructured sport/swimming/playing. But I'm not prepared to subject him, or us, to the obligation that these football clubs, for young kids, seem to demand. And I think spending that much time in such structured activity/classes, being told what to do and when to do it, is actually harmful for young children - they need to fill up their time and motivate themselves.

If he wants to swim/play tennis/play football in a club every day once he is ten, I'll support that as he's making the choice and taking on the commitment.

I'm afraid I take the view that makes me a good parent. Not a lazy one.

In fact, I tend toward the view that ferrying children around to classes at a very young age is more about the parents ticking a 'good parent' box that the child's interests.

Dd is 6 and currently goes to Ballet, Tap and Swimming. I purposely chose classes that took place after school as I didn't want our weekends taken up.

We have a caravan on the coast that we go to most weekends throughout the spring/summer. If she had weekend classes we wouldn't be able to to this. We also have 2 sets of elderly/unwell grandparents that we see regularly at weekends, one set 2 hrs away, one 6 hrs away. Again a Saturday club would jepordise this.

DDs wants are important, but not to the detriment of the rest of the family.

However, she's 6. IF she gets better as she gets older, IF she still enjoys it and IF she wants extra classes then we will rethink (she recently asked if she could join the modern dance class as well, but I said no).

I think asking a 6 yr old to commit to such a busy football schedule is a bit much and maybe SIL should see if there is a compromise to be had.

Exotic I think that is nonsense. To talk about personal statements when your child is Seven!

I didn't mention 7yrs! I don't think they will be in the least interested in what the parent decided the DC ought to do!
I said 12 yrs, and they will be interested in what the DC decided to do for themselves in the way of interests.
However most under 13 teams have been playing together from under 6 teams. Of course you can join later, but they are missing out, sad if it was just because you wanted time to yourself. (it doesn't take that long-especially if you lift share). Mine played from under6 to under 17yrs but the youngest only did to under 9yrs-his choice, we would have carried on had he wanted. He did however go onto other things, with almost as much ferrying around.
I never understand people who don't want their DH to have hobbies outside the home and don't have any themselves.

THis may seem a big problem just now, but as children grow older, they start to do more and more of their own stuff and family life evolves around everyones own interests.

If he is very keen AND good at footy, then I would definitely let him do it, and work family stuff around it. It is good for a child to have an interest and pursue it.

Both my DC's do sports which eat into the weekend. They love them and are good at them. DS does footy - training on Sat, matches Sun. But there is not a match every week, and very occasionally he misses them, for family reasons. We can still go out on Saturday and Sunday afternoons / evenings and in the holidays.

Too true exoticfruits 'I never understand people who don't want their DH to have hobbies outside the home and don't have any themselves' - after 10 years on Mumsnet I still have little sympathy for people who say that they can't make friends - its often becuase they have no outside interests or hobbies and just haven't had the experience of socialising with other people.

Taking your kids to sports/scouts/guides/etc etc is just the beginning of ensuring that they have lots of interests and get used to meeting other people (adults and children) - so many people lead isolated lives these days sat on FB/computer etc etc - getting out and about is essential in my opinion.

My DS does lots of activities and there is still plenty too much family time. I feel desperately sad for kids who don't get the same opportunities. Equally my DH and I have lots of hobbies, interests and friendship groups that we both together and separately.

To the OP - sorry if I missed this but is there a Dad in this situation who can get involved?

I feel really sorry for your nephew. The excuses you are giving basically mean he is being penalized for having younger siblings!

It is part of being a parent. I think it is very healthy for children to enjoy sports and club outside for school. Clubs of their choice. Of course it is not always possible for financial reasons, but if it is then they should be encouraged.

I sometimes don't know my arse from my elbow, running my kids all over the place, but I do it for 2 main reasons. Firstly, because my parents never would and I resented them for it! My children will always get support and encouragement from me. And secondly because like most parent I get much more pride and satisfaction from my childrens achievements than I did my own!

To deny a child of an interest they would love for the reasons you have given is IMO lazy parenting.

I'm glad that we have the voice of common sense!
What is so important that you want to do in the time? Probably doing nothing much at all-is my guess. There is plenty of spare time around it.
It does mean that you have to stop being an island and thinking that you are the only one who can do things with your DCs. You have to network, have people's DCs so they can have yours, share lifts. Even if you don't know the person you can approach them and say 'I see that you live 2 roads away, how do you feel about lift sharing', they will probably jump at it but the worst they can say is they would prefer not to. At a push, if you really have something you must do, you can say to the manager, do you think x could have a lift-they won't mind as long as you don't make it a regular thing.
I have a big age gap and so if DH was away I had to take a baby and toddler off to a game-we managed.

OP has got a big shock coming! Even if you refuse to let your 7 yr old get involved you will find that the teenage years are different. They may be picked for school teams, they will go on trips where they need to be at school before 7am, they will go to parties and want a lift past midnight. Much safer to give the lift than say 'I can't be bothered, get a taxi' -do you really want to go to bed worrying about your 16yr old getting a taxi at 2am?

When people say 'I want a baby' they should realise that that stage goes in a flash-what they should really be saying is 'do I want DC and teenager with a life of their own ,which will mean that I can't do what I like, when I like'?
If they don't want 10yrs or so of ferrying around-think seriously!

OP please listen to the voices of experience