To not want all our weekends eaten up by ds's football playing?

[emkana]

Asking on behalf of my SIL actually. Her ds wants to play football, training twice a week and matches at the weekend. She hates the thought of it, especially considering she has two younger daughters. Is it a sacrifice you have to make?

If the child wants to do it (and it is affordable) then let him, surely a child wanting to do any sort of sporting activity is good for them? And it doesn't really take the whole weekend does it, still plenty of time to do other things as a family.

When I was younger my parents ferried me all over the country when needed for my St John commitments, at times I was out all weekend doing things. I am sure there were times they really couldn't be arsed but it was always done without complaint and I am thankful for that. When DS is old enough I hope I can have the same attitude as my parents did and support and encourage him in what he wants to do.

I guess they do it for as long as they REALLY want to do it (which may only be 6 weeks....)

And they have gained - well, they have had FUN (hopefully), and gaiuned the habit of being active, and are able to play a game which many men continue to play through their lives, even if they are not "real footballers".

And they have had the socialising which is part of being involved in team sports....

'So they do this until they are 15/16 then give it up. What have they gained from it for the rest of their lives, provided they are active without football?'

It's just something enjoyable to take part in with the benefit of competition and camaraderie. It shows you have some discipline off your own back too which isn't a bad thing to say about yourself in the wider world.

I can't believe that people are so selfish that they have children and then don't want to support them in an interest. Much better than hanging around or being forced into something by the parent.
Perhaps it should come with a warning-life won't be the same and you will need to put yourself out a little!
I think theyhave gained a great deal for later life, emkana and they will need things to go on personal statements and job applications etc. Active, regular sports is a good one to have on there.
If it isn't football they need music, Scouts, community work etc-regular things that generally need a taxi service. Life is competitive-they can't do a personal statement from nothing!
I'm just imagining the interview.
Q Have taken part in any regular sport.
A No, I would have loved to have joined my local football team, but my parents refused to take me to training and matches-they wanted their weekends free.
Get a good network so that you can have weeks off-share lifts.

Sorry-left out you-have you taken part in regular sport?

And what have his sisters gained by hanging around football pitches?

I know that one interview my DS came back from and he said to his , much younger, brother 'you need to start doing things now-they went back to about 12yrs'! The expectation was that they would have had a busy extra curricular life-from their own interests.

It's about balance. Of course you should support your child in their hobbies but family time is important too.

My dds do ballet and I often spend weekends ferrying them to festivals with costumes/props in tow, doing their hair and make up and driving home again. All for their 5 mins on stage!

Dd1 auditioned for London Children's Ballet this year. She wasn't successful this time but her friend was and I was really impressed with the commitment of some of these parents. The rehearsals are in London every weekend and then daily nearing the performance. My friend lives in London suburbs so not too bad but some of these children travel from all over the country to take part in the show. I think one even flew down from Scotland every week! Don't think I could go that far myself but yes you should support your child in their hobbies and activities. Who knows where it might lead? And even if it doesn't lead anywhere and they just have fun that's really important too.

It is part of being a sibling. Surely it works 2 ways and he hangs around with them? I found that younger siblings went off to play-there was often a recreation ground nearby. The other reason for developing a local network-share lifts and share child care-leave the sisters with a friend, have the friend the next week.
I can see that ging down well at inteview too
Q Have you taken part in active sport.
A I would have loved to play football, but my sisters would have been bored!

They will gain friendships, fitness, discipline, FUN, responsibility, passion, pride, teamwork, self confidence.

Many men continue sports throughout their life. Most of dh's friends are through rugby.

The posters who have said it's not for everyone, no, it's not but if your dc expressed an interest would ypu not encourage them to at least try it? If they are not interested then there's no issue.

We still have plenty of time for pottering in the garden if at the park or walks with the dog.

Surely this is all about compromise and encouraging your children to grow?

Cost needn't be an inhibitor, many clubs are sympathetic and willing to help with costs kept as low as possible

My nephew takes part in amateur dramatics-that takes massive time when there is a play on. He got into National Youth Theatre-not something he could have done with parents saying 'we want our time free' and 'his brother will be bored'!
Children don't need possessions, but they do need your time and commitment.

His sisters do not have to hang around football pitches! You dont have to watch only one parent does or not even that. The sisters will be doing their own thing like ballet/dance classes and competing in competitions.

My son went to football and I hated it but I still took him he only went for the one year, you are assuming that this boy will go all the time, I doubt that, he might not want to do it after the first season.

What do they gain? Comradship, exercise, competition, friends a social life and not being dragged around stately homes with the parents on the weekend even though it is boring as shit.

I think that parents should be thrilled if their DCs want to do something healthy and sociable-they would soon moan if they lock themselves in front of the computer and never see a friend or want to hang around down the park because they are bored and there is nothing to do!
It needs every encouragement.

But surely the sisters will have their turn when it comes ,I think this is an age thing ,in my experience 7 is about the age that children start to develop their own social life,interests etc.Up until that stage a lot of their friends are influenced by parents but now they start to take their first independent steps,this is healthy,this is what we are there for as parents to help to develop our children and to support them to be the adults that they want to be.

What a shame if Jaqueline du Pres' parents had said" no you can't learn the cello your sister isn't interested in tagging along to lessons or concerts",or Rebecca Adlington,"no you can't swim thats not fair on your siblings" .

When your nephew is sitting his GCSEs will he not be allowed to stay in and revise because its not fair on his sisters.

I do have a lot of sympathy,i was so relieved when ds1 finally gave up Rugby in some ways it did dominate but now he is 17 I sort of .look back on the camaraderie of those days with affection,it really is only a short stage in life.Now I spend sundays at chess tournaments with ds3!The key is balance ,one interest fine ,maybe two but somewhere you have to make sure they do still have family time .

On another note it does sound as if the interests of mother and sisters are trumping the sons.

I did 15yrs of football with different ones -possibly more. I am really pleased that I did, even though the cold and the mud were unpleasant at the time.And I hate football.

It gets easier as they get older-you leave siblings at home alone.

Being part of dancing has given my dd so much confidence and forged friendships. It's 'her' thing and something she's starting to shine at. She really needed this for lots of reasons. Nothing we do at home could have given her that.

I doubt she'll be a professional dancer as an adult...well maybe, who knows, but it's not about that. What it's giving her now in terms of self esteem and something to be proud about is priceless.

Maybe the sisters would like to play football too, when they are older?

No.
I think she is right not to get sucked in. There are ways to play football or indeed to take exercise, which don't involve such a packed schedule. Like just once on Sat? I found there were lots of different types of football in our area on offer.

Or find someone who is prepared to share the pickup and drop off with her.

Mine have just got interested aged 9 and 11. And to be honest, I could never have fitted it in when they were younger with bedtimes, homework, and little sister (she was same age as ds2 - twin) I would have refused.
There is always footie in the park anyway...just the most informal exercise with friends after school if you want it...

I would be more bothered that the other 2 DCs weren't doing any weekend activities than taking time out to encourage the active DC.

The DS must have picked up on a lot of negative feelings re his football hobby. That must be pretty hard for him when the majority of other kids there will have supportive people with them.

Perhaps it's best all round if he can get lifts off other families as much as poss for everyones sake including his.

My ds's siblings enjoy being outside so are happy pottering about. They like to march their brother for a bit, then we play or find a park. Away matches often result in a trip somewhere near the ground afterwards.

They have fun, build on sibling relationships, learn compromise and patience. Build friendships with other children watching, learn about family time, get exercise and fresh air.

What about when my older ds's get taken to a farm? Should I not take my youngest at all as the older ones don't get as much out of it? Or when we take ds3 on a train? Forget that idea too? And watching dh play rugby? Is that out too? Or ok as he's an adult?

To be honest ruby I would dispute that, too - wouldnt want a dh who is out every Sunday.