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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have a child knowing that I will have to rely on the state for income?

247 replies

problemchild · 22/05/2011 12:24

We're not getting any younger and we do want a family.

I work in a very low-paid job and my partner is too ill to work. He may well lose his ESA soon, so I'll probably be better off not working soon anyway.

I'm normally a very proud, independent person but the way things are going we will never be able to afford a family.

Would I be crazy to just say fuck it and live off the state?

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 22/05/2011 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZZZenAgain · 22/05/2011 12:26

if your dh is not going to be working, he could be a SAHM and you could be working

you could be looking into how you could work towards a better paid job (sometimes it is possible, even if means planning longer term).

He may not go out to work because of his condition but he might be able to make some money from home

squeakytoy · 22/05/2011 12:27

How old are you? Is your partner likely to get better long term?

ZZZenAgain · 22/05/2011 12:27

SAHD

ZZZenAgain · 22/05/2011 12:27

how old are you both?

1gglePiggle · 22/05/2011 12:28

Yabu. Try and get a better paid job.

aliceliddell · 22/05/2011 12:28

Only if you think rearing a child doesn't count as work and neither you nor your child will ever contribute anything to society

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/05/2011 12:29

If you think the government is a reliable source of income, long-term, then YANBU. But, as many people have found recently with new rules on Tax Credits, Child Benefit etc... if things change, what they give can just as easily be taken away.

Original poster
problemchild · 22/05/2011 12:30

We're thirty. I doubt he'll ever be able to work. I've also never had a job that wasn't a short-term contract nor have I ever earned more than £14k. I do not have the required skills to earn any more (can't do job interviews) so temp agency work is the only option open to me.

OP posts:
Straight2Extremes · 22/05/2011 12:30

Your husband is not working so he can be a SAHP or is his illness seriously debilitating?

squeakytoy · 22/05/2011 12:31

Thirty is not old!

Why cant you do job interviews????

LIZS · 22/05/2011 12:32

Think if you can be a bit more creatve in finding different sources of income or employment rather before settling for a dependent existence. If you can't afford a family now , what makes you think you can by relying on benefits Hmm

Peachy · 22/05/2011 12:33

Good point Alice; i don;t earn
but am a carer, do voluntary work- contribute in very many ways

What iw oudl say is be careful; just ahd a letter from MAria Miller Minster who covers disability) conforming that incomes for teh disabled will drop and that she is OK with that. An adult who is disabled is at risk of losing all their income becuase of what is happening with ATOS at the moment, and if he cannot work or sign on then you will be seriously financially at risk.

In my own life I am not sure it's something I would have done but my experience ahs also taught me that not everyone can escape poverty no matter how hard you try (I studied for 8 years in an attempt then they cut the final steps of my escape plan last week...).

feckwit · 22/05/2011 12:33

I don't think you are unreasonable. I would happily pay taxes and help support somebody who is lower income but likely to be a fab parent.

squeakytoy · 22/05/2011 12:33

And sorry, but benefits are meant to be a temporary support measure in times of financial difficulty, not a way of life.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 22/05/2011 12:34

Well, at the most basic level, your chances of earning more money may improve. Your chances of having a child won't.

ZZZenAgain · 22/05/2011 12:35

none of us can be 100% sure when we have dc that we will never need support from the state whilst our dc are growing up. I am pretty sure we won't but you never know what disasters might strike. I don't really know, seems a bit unwise to me to have a dc yu cannot afford IYSWIM but it is natural enough to want to have dc and if this is the only way it can work, I'd personally be worried sick but really it is your decision. Would you cope, the two of you at home, dh ill and the baby and a very low income, no security, not much hope of getting back into work after a break if you wanted/needed to since you don't cope with interviews.

I don't mind to paint a really really grim picture of course lots of people do just this. Ask around and get some advice and look at how people live.

Original poster
problemchild · 22/05/2011 12:35

That is how I'm beginning to see it Gwendoline.

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 22/05/2011 12:35

What is your partner's illness?

Goblinchild · 22/05/2011 12:35

Thousands do, but it is very hard living at subsistence level with a child.
You will have to scrabble and scratch for every pair of shoes and activity.
It takes a lot of love and commitment to cope with that for a couple of decades.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 22/05/2011 12:37

Yabu to intend starting a family and giving up work to rely on benefits. And 30 is hardly pushing it, age wise. Why can't you train or something so that you can earn more money? Your partner could perhaps look after the baby.

maypole1 · 22/05/2011 12:37

Very sad but not untypical of many.

You partner is I'll so not able to look after a small baby full time you have a old paid job which will probably pay less than income support.

To be honest I feel sorry for the child you will have condemning it to a life of poverty and all that in tales

This is exactly the type of thread thats hardens my view that I must vote Tory next time a stop these breeders in their tracks

And if ss the police and the nhs haven't got enough to worry about stemming the tide that poverty brings people think its ok to start off with raising a. Cild on warfare if your not bright enough to work out it's not a good idea than you really need to think about weather parenthood is for you.

And all the while after this babys born into poverty they will be shouting they should be housed given more benefits , dla and whatever else they thinks they should be getting for free

Very sad but many people put their own wants before the warfare of their children

I will just have a child that I know I can't raise and will allow the state to pay just so sad

Original poster
problemchild · 22/05/2011 12:38

I live at subsistence level anyway. I don't mind being poor (not that I've ever had any choice! Grin

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 22/05/2011 12:38

I think if you didn't spawn ten kids, and only went for the one that would be acceptable, nobody should have not not have children because of their circumstances.

ZZZenAgain · 22/05/2011 12:39

I see what you mean but you might mind it more when you have a dc and that dc cannot have what others have