to have a child knowing that I will have to rely on the state for income?

[problemchild]

We're not getting any younger and we do want a family.

I work in a very low-paid job and my partner is too ill to work. He may well lose his ESA soon, so I'll probably be better off not working soon anyway.

I'm normally a very proud, independent person but the way things are going we will never be able to afford a family.

Would I be crazy to just say fuck it and live off the state?

I'm delighted to see that eugenics still has some supporters in spite of its colourful history. Will we apply these principles across the board? Race, religion, disability and sexual orientation have proved popular in the past, likewise political opinion. Why not extend this excellent system to cover poverty too? I'm assuming poverty is your problem, not scrounging off the State otherwise you would have mentioned tax evaders/avoiders and banker's bonusses.

I think you are too defeatist OP and appear to be lacking in self-belief. There is no reason why you cannot get a full time permanent job, you just need to believe more. I wouldn't have a child in your position as contrary to certain sections of the media a life on welfare is not cushy and you will struggle to scrape by. I grew up in a poor home in a poor area with a family on benefits and it was no party I can assure you.

Obviously a facial deformity doesn't prevent someone from working BUT we can't deny that disability discrimination isn't out there in the workplace. I've suffered from it directly myself and it's horrible. Was even told I 'look special needs' (offensive anyway but more so because I do have SN). The same person also called me a 'spaz' and on another occasion, with a member of management, treated me to an "impression" of someone with CP, explaining in detail why they were {offensive words} because they don't have brains

I went home crying. I was also excluded from social events on the basis that one of my disabilities meant I had to have time off for hospital appointments, as I had that time off I was told I couldn't go a social event with work that week as I'd been allowed a half day to check my internal organs weren't breaking down.

In fact I've seen some truly horrific examples of disability discrimination, it shouldn't happen but it does unfortunately.

And having a disability can eat away at your confidence, I've met loads of other disabled people through Remploy and it's helped me a lot to know it's not just me in this situation. Loads of them have been called 'mongs' or 'morons' or the oh so charming 'retard' when they've been in the workplace.

Obviously I know I was very unlucky with my last job, I'm hoping the next person I work for will be decent, there are good and bad employers out there.

That's why I think something like Remploy would be a good idea for ProblemChild as they can help her in to permanent work with employers who don't live in the stone age. The OP has found temp work which is great so she's obviously got skills valuable to employers, plus work experience, so there is a strong chance of her getting a permament job, it sounds to me like confidence is the issue here.

OP - I really do believe you have a good chance of getting permanent work, it's a case of finding a decent employer who will only look at your skills, not what you look like. You could also look at 'two ticks' employers - they guarantee interviews for disabled candidates who meet the minimum requirements for the job (I know you don't consider yourself to have a disability but it would be a good way to practice interviews, especially with firms who have committed themselves to hiring a more diverse workforce).

If you can keep a successon of temp jobs I think you can find a permenant job.

I don't see why you shouldn't have a child but you should be looking to return to work after a period of maternity leave if you have a SAH partner.

I have only been properly poor for a short period but I was 'happy' to have minimal heating and layer up and put loads of blankets on the bed etc and eat value beans on toast/value cereal/tin of soup for dinner but I would not be happy to have my child cold and having non nutritous food.

yabu - by "the state" you mean "other people, often parents, who do work" so why not be honest with yourself and ask "Would I be crazy to just say fuck it and live off those of you who do work?"

Minty you are right

Have seen many stats about disability that suggest it's not about wanting to work: a great many do but can;t get past interview stage.

There is some excellent advice in Minty's post OP.

OP unless I have missed it you haven't replied to the many posters who have asked whether your DP would be well enough to be a SAHD? That point alone makes a massive difference. Also, what family support do you have close by?
It does sound like the only thing stopping you from getting a more permanent job is your concerns about how your disfigurement may appear - have people given you a hard time in the past about this? Maybe you could approach your GP to find out about some counselling to help you deal with your self-esteem?
You seem to be thinking that it is either option a) have no baby or option b) have a baby but be on benefits - I think the constructive posts on this tread show that there are many other options available so for that I would say YABU.

Yes, you would be crazy to say "fuck it" and live off the state.

Leaving the morality issues aside, the Tories are clawing back benefits and it won't be as comfy as it has been up to now. (Not that it's ever been a bed of roses). I suspect you have only asked the question because deep down you know it is pretty unreasonable to go into parenthood expecting to depend on taxpayers for everything? You seem pretty negative and downhearted about your job prospects and abilities - surely it's better to sort this negativity/anxiety out, and achieve something with your own life, before you become a mother? You are obviously literate and come across as bright and able. It seems more like a confidence issue.

Can your DH help with childcare? If so, why do you both need to be at home?

I also have a bit of sympathy with some of what Maypole has said. There is a link between poverty and crime, under-achievement, poor health etc. Another poster said it was to do with "shit people" and not money, but I think this is only true to a point. Obviously anecdotal, but I grew up in a single parent family on benefits, went to school on a sink estate, and I am the only female in my class with a degree. The vast majority are either themselves single parents on benefits, or in carer-type minimum wage jobs, and three of the boys have been to prison. It is possible to escape the cycle of poverty (and the accompanying poverty of aspiration) but IME it is the exception rather than the rule. I would think carefully about exposing a child to that if there was a reasonable choice in the matter.

And OP - FWIW - I am 35 and not worried about the old ovaries packing up yet! You have a long time to be a mum, just don't believe anything everything you read in the Daily Wail!

Life on benefits is going to get much much worse and it's no picnic as it is. Better to look into re-training. Or see if there is any work your OH could do.

However I don't think only rich people should have kids, so you're not being totally U. Also you don't have to be a taxpayer to contribute to society. Equating a persons worth to how much they earn and how much tax they pay is pretty hideous.

Just read Minty's post - some excellent advice there from someone obviously in the know.
for you Minty - I hope you find happier employment soon.

My partner would probably be a great SAHD for an older child, I don't think he could cope with being the main carer for a baby or todler.

I appear to have given the impression that I would intend to live off benefits for life - I didn't mean that. What I'm talking about is not working until said child had started school. I probably should've made that clear!

Callistu....why should I lick rick backsides. In life if you dont support the underdog you probably support the overdog (the rich) And there is a lot of Toryesque posting here on this site. Thanks for the honesty. There are 22 millionaire in the Tory Cabinet you can give your support to. I prefer to support poeople who need support.

Lurkingbeagle- i am abit confused, aren't the carer type jobs really valuable to society, and as such those doing them should be proud of themselves? It is much easier to go to work earning at kleast three times that amount than it is on minimum wage, surely those on min wage haven't failed?

Rasilitcally is the OP child going to fail at education when she is educated to degree level and has a PGSE?

realistically, that should be

I don't know about the 'shoulds' of this situation, but given the situation with benefits being cut etc I think you would be crazy to not only bring a third person into the mix but seriously hobble your ability to provide for you and your DP.

However, having a baby is such a driving need sometimes, that it just overrides all rationality. I think you need to assume though that there will simply not be any benefits available to you, regardless of whether there should be or not, always prepare for the worse case scenario, then you can only be pleasantly surprised.

I don;t know OB, ds4 was concived when I was 33 and it took 18 months comapred tom 6 weeks with the first 3.

It's ahrd to second guess I think.

Um I don't think the age of which the child is you intend to go back to work is relevant as

1. You many easily have more children by then

2,. Have been out of work so long be trapped in poverty

The first five years are the most important so much more important to provide a good standard of living at the start of ached life

Birdsgota of course theya re and they enable a hell of a lot of higher flying people to work at all (unless you ahve a job where taking children and / ort aging parents etc is OK)

Most kids I went to school with left for the factories at 16

The only issue I have with that- well Ok in fact I havre two:

1. the main one that the factories all close in the early nineties leaving many high and dry with few skills

1. The fact very few were given a choice about leaving school, Dad was considerd a prat for nto wanting me to bring in wages (in fact he did but Mum stopped it and sent me to college)

Let's re-write the OPs post.

I have a degree but only a low paying temp job.

I am 30 and want to have a baby, but am worried that when I get pregnant my employers may not renew my contract.

I will take a year to look after the baby, after which my DP will look after it but I am worried that my previous employer won't re-employ me, and that I may struggle to find other work because of illegal discrimination.

AIBU to have a baby despite these worries?

Put like that it's obviously NBU, but you have to commit to working when and if you can.

Speaking as a tax payer (albeit one who sponged off the state by accepting 2 x 6 months of maternity pay - I'm assuming the more self righteous posters declined to claim that). I don't have a problem with you taking my money if you're trying and failing to find work (once DC is a year old) but you do have to try (even if you're no better off working than claiming benefits).

if dh wouldn't be a good main carer for a baby or toddler, I wouldn't risk it because it might come down to that. Perhaps though you are underestimating him

Look at the 'child poverty map' of the UK and then read behind the figures, it is the 'working poor' that are suffering, not the unemployed. In terms of benefits if WTC is cut they will have to re-open the work houses, it won't happen. There isn't the jobs available to bring people off benefits, they just juggle the figures to make it look better. Read the unemployment figures thoroughly they are just renaming benefits and swapping people around, as they are trying to do with the OP's DP.

mypole I am fairly sure that if OP has managed to use contraception until now she could do again after having the child!

Being out of work CAN be a drawback but equally there are otehr ways to get a CV up to scratch such as volunteering.

Birdsgottafly its about the parents circumstance at the point when the child comes into the world

And the op is talking about two parents one of whom is I'll not being in work living on benefits and one would imagine living in a small council owed property if you think that is the best start for a child then I am very sad for you two

Peachy what would happen if everyone gave up their job and worked in the red cross shop for free your plan relies on other people working hard so the op can live if their tax