to have a child knowing that I will have to rely on the state for income?

[problemchild]

We're not getting any younger and we do want a family.

I work in a very low-paid job and my partner is too ill to work. He may well lose his ESA soon, so I'll probably be better off not working soon anyway.

I'm normally a very proud, independent person but the way things are going we will never be able to afford a family.

Would I be crazy to just say fuck it and live off the state?

I don't consider myself disabled and no, there is no known genetic element. However, the science of genetics isn't completely understood from what I know.

OP, I believe that there are funded courses if you are on benefits or low income. But it was a few years ago that I did my course, so someone else might know better.

Does the state pay for people to train? I thought that once you'd finished university, that was it regarding educational funding. I'm more than happy to be corrected on that!

NHS does for some diplomas.

OP; a bit off subject but i deal daily with tribunerals for ESA claims, appeal and get advice (CAB) etc, they are trying to remove as many as possible, (even the gunuine) off ESA. If he cannot work then he will not last long on JSA as he will be required to 'actively seek work'.

You never know how life will go, anyone can become disabled and end up on benefits, so if you really want a child and you will both make good parents, then go for it. It sounds as though you are putting more thought into it than most.

You're only thirty! You're hardly pressing against the outer bounds of child bearing age. Why so desperate to have one now?

The fact of the matter is that if you set aside the morality of living off the state, you will have to face that the government currently in power does not look kindly on those who choose to live on benefits. You have to be aware that your income could drop, potentially below the poverty line. Everything will be a struggle. Clothes, shoes, school trips, uniforms, nappies. There'll be so much you want to give them but will be unable.

That shouldn't be your only thought of course, the love a parent gives is more important than money, and I don't agree with Maypole about it being an inevitable drain on the system. But you need to look at it realistically. If you brought a child into the world now, would you be doing the best by it that you possibly could?

Coco- if you are in receipt of certain benefits then training coures can be free. However you cannot get any funding if you are trying to get less of a qualification than you already have. If you have a degree you won't get much funded unless you need to retrain because of a disability, then you have to go through an application process.

If you do not have English and Maths equivalent GSCE, then that is free and you get anoher course funded as well that could be IT or even basic counselling, confidence building etc.

I Amy not be able to spell but I work and don't rely on the state.

When you can't argue you point attack the the spelling :) because in the main you know what I saying is correct can't attack that so get personal.

The sats show the poorer you are the worst you likely to do in life you may get the odd lord sugar who came from nothing but in the man this is not the case but hay lets encourage everyone who has no job to have as many children as they can

Falling on hard times is not the same as trying to start life off on the dole

You do have a choice not to live in poverty. A child has no choice.

Once you have a child, your choices will be more limited, and the unreasonable part of your Op is the use of the word "will".

There is no reason that you "will have" to rely on the state unless you choose to do so, which imo is wrong.

You will no doubt want to provide your child with the best opportunities, take them on holidays, give them birthday and xmas presents.

Nobody has a right to have a child, and I think it is very unfair to purposely bring a child into the world when you know that financially it will be a huge struggle or you will have to rely on others to support you.

I already have all my GCSE's, A- levels, A foundation degree and and BA Hons Degree.
I was going to retrain as a Children Nurse and would have had my course fee's paid for and a bursary.

In the end I did a primary PCGE which the SLC paid the fees for and I pay the fees of over a number of years at a reasonable rate.

Problemchild - I know you do not consider yourself disabled but why don't you ask the job centre to refer you to Remploy?

I've found them very good at helping me improve my employment prospects, if you get a job through them you know it's with someone who won't discriminate against you. They've helped some people back in to work after 16 years so they should have a good chance of getting you in to permanent work if you fancy giving it a shot. They do mock interviews with people, help with CV and cover letter writing etc and advice on how to deal with issues about adjustments etc.

I have disabilities, am capable of work but I have experienced work place discrimination (name calling, snide comments etc) so I do know how you feel sort of IYSWIM. I am looking for a temp job to prove I'm fit to work (lost last job due to ill health, have had over 17 first interviews, all feedback was great and that I interviewed well, they really liked me but they rarely want to see me again).

But ZZZenAgain, in a way, she did find a job didn't she? So although it sounds a really vile way of going about it, the state did have the outcome it wanted, didn't it?

I had to save for a long time before I could have a child. I didn't have the choice of whether or not I could be a SAHM. It wouldn't have occurred to me to live on benefits instead of working.

The OP is still young at 30, but she needs to get a long term plan so that by the time she is say, 35, she can try to get pregnant. It's defeatist to think that you will never have a permanent job, OP. It's as though you and your partner are saying now that you two won't work again for the foreseeable future.

What is the nature of your dp's illness?

Would he be able to be a sahd, while you went out to work?

Entitlement to free or discounted courses may well change come Septernber - receipt of Means Tested benefiits may not suffice alone.

I also received a bursary on the course and many of us worked part time as TA's, Tutors or in my case a graphic designer to supplement our income for the 18 months.

I wasn't commenting on whether the politics is good or bad, just wanted to show that it may not be a lifestyle choice to live off benefits in the UK for all that much longer. gemrany cannot afford it so I don't know if the UK can all that well. Do you see what I mean. My friend has an incredibly hard life. It is a tough job and she was offered it after one of those job assignments. She had no choice but to take it, had she refused, she would have had her benefits cut off completely and only a very small widow's pension on which to live.

That is my point. Use it short-term if you really have to but make a sensible choice keeping in mind the longer term

( I guess my rather long winded point is if your prepared to work in the public sector the goverment offers far more help)

Op it sounds then that you need counselling because you shouldn't be working in a low paid job, it is not your ability that is holding you back.

Your DP needs to get advice also, as i said in my ealier post.

'Really fabbychic then why on earth do children born to parents of benefits have to lowest out comes items of education, why is it that children from non working household are the largest group in the justice system, why is that children from non working households are the most represented in care.

benefits doesn;t equal non working family

Not all kids from the estates fail at education (I come from a owrking but poor family on an estate: got A in my last MA module; ds1, in a working poor family and having ASD, has a reading age 2 years above his actual)

It is, IMO as someone who has been there' as much about parenting as poverty: good parenting will overcome obstacles wrt to chances but life can present poveryty-casusing isues that can't be so easily diminished (disability etc)

We don't all have a choice about SN etc but we can mostly choose to parent our children well. A confident child will be OK: a confident educated one will have the toolkit to maximise the choices that they do have.

And I agree about attacking spelling : in RL I can type and spell well but MN is my down / no glasses (very strong, migraine causing ones) time so it makes me look useless when I am not.

Cco a lot of the jobs MA students used to do such as TA / cre work are being cut themselves sadly.

heck our school- one of the best in our country- has lost 4 teachers this term it seems, TAs long gone!

Depends on your part of the country Peachy. Might have to move for the jobs.

Why not train as a childminder and then look after one young child with your own? My friend did that and it worked well. Far more admirable than relying on us all to support you. I totally believe in a benefits system for hardship/top up income but not making some effort to provide for your own family is what results in the whole system being reviewed and hardly a great example to your future kids.

Gandalf you might be able to get an Audi when you retire or win the lottery
Fertility ends and carries increasing risks as you age.

HOWEVER I do agree that training is possible; I had ds4 in my last year at university, he was born 5 weeks before foinals and it was fine. Now I know that a fourth is different to a first in terms of getting used to the iea but it might be worth looking into at least? Evening classes? IME college does far more than teach, it gives confidence and inspires.

And poverty isn;t nice but my boys ahven;t a clue we struggle, that's for DH and I to deal with. they will do as well as their SEN allow I am sure and indeed both m,y sisters have HE and decent careers. It is quite possible to parent in ways that overcome poverty (though admit libraries were a big key in my childhood and they are vanishing)