Am sick to fucking death of my theiving fucking kids AIBU to keep them in indefinitely

[shinyshoes]

For months now money have been missing from my purse.

I decided to not keep any cash on me whatsoever, this became difficult when I was out and needed a drink as was paying for a can of drink on the debit card and was embarresed.

Both my elder children deny taking it.

They are given the best trainers, the best clothes, the newest Xbox games, treats , they ant for nothing.

One of us is alwways at home, we both work but make sure it works out one parent is always at home with them, so it's not for attention.

I had to draw out money as I have my ironing sent out and pay by cash when it gets redelivered. Plus the window cleaner has been this eek so I needed cash to pay him.

I hide my purse regularly and often carry it around the house with me.

Unfortunately last night I left it downstairs, waking up in a panic I retrieved it and counted the money. It was all there. I left it on the bed came downstairs again forgetting to bring it down and now a £5.00 is missing a £1.00 coin is missing and bits of loose change.

Of course the kids haven't touched my purse

I'm fucking sick to the back teeth of this. I'm at my wits end and so bloody angry.

AIBU to just keep the kids in until one of them owns up

My DS1 has gone sailing but can't definitley rule him out.
My DS2 is upstairs under much protest tidying his pigsty of a room

My DD is 3 and normally tells me if she's touched the money to play 'shops' she says she hasn't touched it.

This is going on pretty much everytime my purse is left unattended

I agree with mutt. Seems a real waste of police time to do a parenting job.

When money goes missing, take an xbox game to sell and recoup the money. They'll get the message soon enough.

I think I'd rather waste their time now, than have a proper job for them later on. I'd view what they did as a crime, and giving a warning to stop it escalating wouldn't seem like a waste of time to me.

When the police round here aren't busy, they're always really happy to talk to the kids, so something like this wouldn't be a bother I shouldn't think. I know for sure the RMPs did stuff like this when we were growing up.

To teach your eldest the value of money, stop the pocket money and give him an allowance each month, out of that he has to buy his clothes, magazines etc, he will learn very quickly.

Okay your children sound spoilt in terms of material things. But I agree with the poster about trying to find out why they are stealing. They obviously have lots of material things and access to drinks and sweets so they are not stealing for these. Reasons may be:

1. Bullying for money.
2. Feeling unloved - sometimes having few boundaries can make children feel uncared for. Their parents may not intend that, and may not be putting boundaries/rules in place because they love their children and don't want to see them upset. But it can make children feel unloved.
3. Them seeing money as the thing that is most valued by their parents, so their focus is getting money for its own sake. In this case it really is about teaching them the value of money and teaching them that they can have a great time without money.

Because you give them so much materially, I really think the stealing has a deeper cause that you need to find out,before you can stop this.

Take back their favourite and most expensive items and make them earn them back. When money goes missing do a stop and search - noone moves/leaves till it is found - you turn out the WHOLE house to find the culprit. They lose thier favourite possesion permanently - yes permanently and you DO NOT replace it.

It is hard but you have to be a parent here not a gateway to life's luxuries.

The fact that your kids "want for nothing" is the problem.

I would clean out their bedrooms, halt all pocket money and ground the lot of them until further notice. They clearly cannot be trusted and are crying out to be taught a huge lesson that will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this - but I am afraid it seems that you might be the architect of your own problem by indulging them so readily.

The only time I ever took from my parents was for fags

Penny to a pound he's smoking

Are you sure that both DS's are responsible? If so, that seems like either a drastic lack of respect for you in your home or that they just do not know/understand the value of money - actually, both.

If it is just one child stealing from you then you need to find out why. It does sound like it is probably the not appreciating the value of money, from what you have said but I would need to be sure the money wasn't being taken for more illicit purposes (cigarettes, alcohol etc.). I can't see why either child would be afraid to ask you for money for sweets, going out with mates, etc when you have already admitted that they get whatever they want.

In any case, it needs to stop and I think that removing (and possibly selling) the belongings of the guilty child/ren is a fine way to start .

I've been chatting about this thread with my friend. He says that his brother used to steal from his parents regularly, and they both got blamed. His mum sat them down and told them that when she caught the culprit, and she would, then she would take his bike and sell it. (This was the Old Days before Playstations, but I reckon that would make a reasonable substitite). Mum got a new black handbag - no big deal - and was seen using it, but keeping it very close. Brother found it in her room one day when was sitting in the garden with a book. He opened it up to find money and not only had she stitched her purse to the bottom, she had done that to make sure he would shake loose all the Quink she had poured into the bag and get it all over his hand. The handbag had been specially purchased from the charity shop. Needless to say the bike was sold through the local paper and everyone knew that when mum said something she meant it. No money went missing again.
Maybe you can think up something similar, warn the family that there will be real consequences in the event of another theft, and when you catch the culprit, carry out the threat.
In my family us kids were always short of money, we worked to earn our pocket money, but there wasn't much to earn. I'd have never been brave enough to steal from my mum and dad. My dad was very strict and the punishment would have been a good one!

OP how has it gone? What did you decide to do in the end?

I remember doing the opposite thing when i was younger (i used to put money in my mums purse!- whenever i recieved pocket money it went straight back in there). But i do know of friend going through the same thing at the moment... she's having a hard time knowing what to do so i will pass on the responses to her!

Ds3 has stolen money from dh and I (and probably from his brothers too). I hide money in my purse (a hidden pocket that he's never found), and he is on warning that the next time money goes missing, I will be calling the police to give him a bollocking.

He doesn't get everything he wants - we've tried not to spoil the boys - and he has a paper round plus allowance, so has plenty of money for the things he buys/saves up for.

I agree with the posters who have told you to sell stuff belonging to the dc every time money goes missing - and start by recouping all that they have already stolen, this way (unless you have already recouped it via stopped pocket money).

And stop buying them expensive stuff for no good reason. I bought ds2 a superdry t-shirt recently - but it was part of his birthday present - there is no way I would contemplate buying something that expensive if it wasn't for a special present/occasion.

I do sympathise though - it is a horrible feeling, knowing you can't trust your children.

Am speechless. Our dc 12 and 16 want for nothing. They would never ever steal or touch my handbag or their father's wallet and I don't know of any other families where this goes on either.

Some people are such shits, my brother is a electrician he was endlessly fixing things for his friend who's last girlfriend has 4 kids (all over 10).

things like a 32" TV that some child has shoved something in the back of to break it in the hopes of getting a new bigger one etc.

He "lost" phones endlessly, he had to keep his mobile in his pocket if he left it anywhere its gone, they once stole my brothers mobile while he was round there fixing something, he declared that if it didn't appear back where he left it within ten mins he would beat the shit out of all of em, funny enough the phone appeared back on the kitchen table a few mins later.

They are all ways "losing" things as well, things like their Nintendo DS with all of it's games etc (obviously selling them at school) and then they demand new replacements.

The mothers just as bad, when they moved house she demanded a new £600 washing machine because the other one which was less then a year old was the wrong colour and didn't match the new kitchen.

No idea if he is still with em, last I heard he finally (grew a brain) got fed up with being a cash cow and walked out.

You don't want your kids turning out like that, no one will ever want to be with a brat.

well I have told the children I am getting rid of the Xbox, suprisingly they weren't that bothered.

The eldest has come back from sailing and swears blind it wasn't him and I can turn his room upside down if I feel the need as It needs tidying anyway.

Ds2 is acting very shady, not putting up a defence, protesting his innocence or anything, just general mouthing off and having no respect for me

I have told them both they will get nothing from now on not even from the icecream van. Not really reponsive to be honest but I wonder what a few days in will do. I think they think i'm kidding

Shinyshoes, I do think you should do something to find out who it is, so you know what you're dealing with. Can't you leave your purse (having counted the money) and just monitor who's been near it? It seems a shame to blame one if it's not him.

Your kids need a huge lesson in respect.

I have been way too soft with mine for certain reasons but I am getting it now and so are they.

Stay strong and consistent and follow through with all your threats.

I think others have given you good advice about the situation, in the mean time can you get one of those cash boxes that you can lock. Then keep the key with you at all times.

Sorry but spoiling your children and giving them nice things does not turn them into thieves.

My children wanted for nothing, they always had nice clothes, but they never ever would have touched my purse or any money in the house.

It is how you raise your children that matters, not what you give them.

Massive difference between 'spoiling' and having lots of things Fabby

I think it's clear from the OP and her husband that these children are spoilt, valiumredhead.

And I agree with you, Fabby; a hell of a lot is to do with how you raise them.

My DC have nice things and I do spoil and treat them but they also do chores, hoovering etc etc and I often say "No". If they want something more expensive than I would buy, say trainers, footie boots etc, I agree to put in the amount I would normally spend and they have to save the rest from pocket money and birthday money. I know next season DS wants a pair of boots that are £80 - I will give him £40 (what I normally would have spent) and he has the summer to save or earn the rest. I can guarantee that they will be well looked after and not left on the bus!!

Good luck but it's not too late for them the learn respect.

I nicked things for attention and out of sheer greed, was not because I was spoilt or raised wrong. Was just a phase for me.

I'm a little surprised at some responses... because OP can't know who it was. Yet everyone on here is happy for all the OP's children to be punished when possibly only one is the guilty culprit? Sounds like a perfect recipe for nurturing Sibling Rivalry.