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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am sick to fucking death of my theiving fucking kids AIBU to keep them in indefinitely

200 replies

shinyshoes · 21/05/2011 10:55

For months now money have been missing from my purse.

I decided to not keep any cash on me whatsoever, this became difficult when I was out and needed a drink as was paying for a can of drink on the debit card and was embarresed.

Both my elder children deny taking it.

They are given the best trainers, the best clothes, the newest Xbox games, treats , they ant for nothing.

One of us is alwways at home, we both work but make sure it works out one parent is always at home with them, so it's not for attention.

I had to draw out money as I have my ironing sent out and pay by cash when it gets redelivered. Plus the window cleaner has been this eek so I needed cash to pay him.

I hide my purse regularly and often carry it around the house with me.

Unfortunately last night I left it downstairs, waking up in a panic I retrieved it and counted the money. It was all there. I left it on the bed came downstairs again forgetting to bring it down and now a £5.00 is missing a £1.00 coin is missing and bits of loose change.

Of course the kids haven't touched my purse Hmm

I'm fucking sick to the back teeth of this. I'm at my wits end and so bloody angry.

AIBU to just keep the kids in until one of them owns up

My DS1 has gone sailing but can't definitley rule him out.
My DS2 is upstairs under much protest tidying his pigsty of a room

My DD is 3 and normally tells me if she's touched the money to play 'shops' she says she hasn't touched it.

This is going on pretty much everytime my purse is left unattended

OP posts:
crashingwaves · 21/05/2011 10:57

That's dreadful and I am not in any way excusing it but do you mind me asking how old the children are, and do they have pocket money?

rainbowinthesky · 21/05/2011 10:58

How old are your ds's. Sounds like there are some complex issues going on here. My dcs dont have all the material things you mention - does anyone really buy their kids the best clothes, trainers, latest xbox games etc???
This has nothing to do with whether they would steal from me though.

fatfingers · 21/05/2011 10:59

How old are your dcs?

oneofthosedays · 21/05/2011 11:00

That woud piss me off, can you not have a lock box or something to keep valuables/money in? We have a wooden one that DH knocked together years ago with a padlock on and put things like cash cards, passports etc in and money if we need to.

duchesse · 21/05/2011 11:00

That's outrageous! You need to come down on them like a ton of bricks. Ground them for ever until they own up and come up with a plan to repay you (chores every evening and weekend until Apocalypse day?)

NettoSuperstar · 21/05/2011 11:00

I had a lock put on my bedroom door last week because my DD also steals.
It's a horrible feeling not to be able to trust your kids.

GypsyMoth · 21/05/2011 11:01

why do you buy them ll that when this has been 'going on for some time'

where is the respect???

crashingwaves · 21/05/2011 11:02

You see, I ask because my parents were not stingy with me ever but gave me NO money whatsoever and I have to admit at times I would swipe £1 from a purse just because I wanted some CASH to buy sweets or crisps or something. I honestly wouldn't have if I'd had a bit of pocket money though (and they'd have said no if I asked ...)

WhoWhoWhoWho · 21/05/2011 11:02

How awful that you have to carry your purse around with you in your own house and woke up in a panic because you had left it where it is available to your dcs! Shock

I would be removing all priveledges and 'extras'.

It's a shame you don't know which dc it is as it is a shame to punish all 3 when it may only be one stealing.

worraliberty · 21/05/2011 11:02

I hear this time and time again, as did my Sister when she worked for the police They are given the best trainers, the best clothes, the newest Xbox games, treats , they want for nothing

It's ironic that some people can't see that kids who 'want for nothing' will often grow up no knowing the value of anything. Therefore, to them they're simply taking a big of cash and they don't see it as a big deal.

Try giving them less, they may appreciate more...if it's not too late.

maristella · 21/05/2011 11:02

Maybe having everything they want is not so healthy?

DS has never taken from me, although he may well try that in the next few years, BUT when he doesn't behave he goes without. He got some quite negative feedback from his behaviour at school the other day so I took his xbox controllers from him. It's not his right to have these gadgets, it's a privilege.

I would sit them all down and say that the next time anything goes missing from your purse, you will take something (of your choosing) from each of them, and sell it! And if this does happen, go ahead with it until you get a confession. It's time to make this thieving totally unacceptable.

There needs to be rewards for nice behaviour (xbox, pocket money, trust!) and there needs to be consequences for bad behaviour (removal of privileges).

suzikettles · 21/05/2011 11:03

In this sort of situation where my mum knew that one of us had done something, but didn't know which, she used to punish us both.

So, say £5 had gone missing from your purse then both of us would have had £2.50 taken off our pocket money/savings or both would have lost some privilege.

But I can't actually remember this doing anything except sending the innocent party into a fit of outrage, and there was the memorable incident of the broken vase which my dad confessed to when he got home from work - after my brother and I had spent the afternoon in our rooms thinking about our terrible crime...

ScousyFogarty · 21/05/2011 11:03

Shinyshoes. Do you mean your upset? It happens to most of us at times Good Luck

bittersweetvictory · 21/05/2011 11:04

Since you dont know which one it is then it would be unfair to punish them all but you could set little traps for each one when you know the others arnt around to find out who it is, this is total disrespect, stop buying them treats, the best clothes and trainers as they obviously arnt gratefull and will end up spoiled brats.

Original poster
shinyshoes · 21/05/2011 11:05

DS1 is 14 next month
DS2 is 10

DS1 is grounded as we've been having issues with him in school, he has gone sailing today as this was arranged sometime through the school funded by them and he's in the middle of a sailing course so another child couldn't take his place. But general day to day socialising he isn't alloed

They get pocket money but this has been stopped. DP won the Thunderball at work last month and was given it in change so I put it in individual envelopes ready for school dinners.
This all went missing so I have stopped both their pocket money to repay this .
They are in the middle of paying this back

OP posts:
maristella · 21/05/2011 11:05

Or you could sit them all down and say the police will be visiting later, and that the serial number of the fiver had been written down Grin

A fright might do them good! But the consequences of this behaviour outside the house would be unpleasant, and you can make a stand so they stop taking you for granted.

Choufleur · 21/05/2011 11:07

Take their things from them and see if they then mind things going missing.

crashingwaves · 21/05/2011 11:09

OK, I am going to get flamed for this Grin I think especially in the case of your eldest, he needs some cash. But I think this cash should be EARNED not given.

PinotGrigiosKittens · 21/05/2011 11:09

I like choufleurs idea Grin Sorry for you OP

ScroobiousPip · 21/05/2011 11:10

I agree, it does sounds as if they are used to having everything as of right. You don't know who took the money so ban TV/Xbox etc until one of them owns up - yes, it might be unfair on the innocent ones but it teaches responsibility to the guilty one, not letting others carry the can etc.

How old are your children, shineyshoes? I wonder if an allowance might do them good - instead of you buying them stuff, they would have to save up their allowance to buy new trainers etc. Put spare money away into a uni fund or pension for when they are older.

Original poster
shinyshoes · 21/05/2011 11:10

I know it's my own doing buying them all, as (It's the old cliche I never had it and want them to have it, we both work and can afford it). My DP hates it. The Brand new pair of Limited Edition Nike Air turned up for DS1 the otherday and DP went mental, I have also bought him a Superdry bag for school and a Superdry polo shirt for his birthday .

I know I have to stop, but it's difficult.

They have no concept of money whatsoever often saying 'but it's only a few hundred quid'. That shocks me when they say that and makes me realise what I've created

OP posts:
cannydoit · 21/05/2011 11:11

i use to do this and so did my sister and brother, we didnt get pocket money i think a lot of children do it at some point or other. i think getting caught is usually enough to make it stop happening though. the police thing might work to be honest i would prob go through with it if it didnt stop.

WhoWhoWhoWho · 21/05/2011 11:11

Have a good sniff of your eldest when he comes back in to rule out money stealing for sly cigs.

All the dinner money going missing is pretty ballsy isn't it! Shock

I agree with the other posters who are saying them having everything isn't always a good thing as they don't respect the value as much. I would be taking their things too, see how they like it!

Disasterpiece · 21/05/2011 11:12

Locks! You need some locks!

PIL are foster carers, occasionally they have a tea leaf teen so everything of value is locked away in their bedroom in a safe, their bedroom has a lock, the door that leads from the hallway in to the living room, dining room and kitchen is locked from 9pm until 7am. so they only have access to their own bedrooms and the bathroom.

Sounds harsh but in the past they have had over 2k worth of jewellery, 3 xboxs, at least 15/20 mobiles, cameras, ds, wii, ps2, TV!, sky box, money, house keys, stereos honestly the list is endless. This is over 25 years of fostering but since they were allowed locks nothing has gone missing.

The next time anything goes missing call the police.

LittleRedBeads · 21/05/2011 11:12

I'm with you crashing waves

They are given the best trainers, the best clothes, the newest Xbox games, treats , they ant for nothing.

Well, there's your problem right there. They are spoilt rotton, what do you expect? Of course they're going to have a sense of entitlement.

Take back some of their stuff from each kid until whoever is guilty owns up. YES, punish them all, get tough on them.