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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shaking with jealousy over this girl and DH?!

184 replies

pollypopsocks · 20/05/2011 10:06

Ok, I never get jealous so thi sfeels really alien to me but my heart is beating really fast and I feel ill!
Basically he has started a new job and has made friends with a girl who is a gorgeous part time underwear model and they have just made friends on facebook, she is really outgoing and put on her page she loves older men (she is 24, DH is 30) and going to the gym. DH also works out loads and is very good looking, women go a bit doe eyed around him. She has messaged him on facebook asking a seeminly inncocent work question followed by kisses.
I trust DH but I feel so strange and shaky!!! AIBU

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 20/05/2011 10:09

YABU, 30 isn't an older man.

Seriously, do you trust your DH? Has he ever given you reason to doubt?

Original poster
pollypopsocks · 20/05/2011 10:09

I do trust him but admittedly have trust issues in general after being cheated on in the past and my father cheating on my mum

OP posts:
Morloth · 20/05/2011 10:10

If you really trusted your DH you wouldn't give a damn and would be having a laugh with your DH about her.

Doesn't matter what she does, only matters what he does.

ashamedandconfused · 20/05/2011 10:11

Sympathies!

I hate this too! why should bimbos girls Dh works with put xx at the end of work emails, God it winds me up (even though I totally trust him)

recently I had to watch DH do some presentations to a few colleagues at which he kissed another woman on the cheek, totally means nothing I know but i hate it!

(PS get some sexy new undies and surprise him tonight!)

swallowedAfly · 20/05/2011 10:12

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 20/05/2011 10:13

It's unfair to "blame" your DH for the behaviour of others. He married you, because he loves you and wants to be with you. The kisses thing is irritating but seems to be in vogue with youngsters these days, please don't feel so threatened by them. Sit down with DH tonight and tell him how you feel, even say you know it's silly, I'm sure he'll reassure you.

swallowedAfly · 20/05/2011 10:13

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NotYourPrincess · 20/05/2011 10:14

Have you spoken to your dh about it at all? I don't think yabu to feel bad - sometimes I feel insecure about myself since having dd, and if I were to compare myself with some of the women my dh works with I would feel very uncomfortable indeed.

But, instead of quietly stewing with jealousy, I just tell dh that I'm feeling a bit shitty and fat, which is his cue to tell me how gorgeous an lovely I am! Your dh married you because he loves you, and I think that if you asked him about it he would be quick to make you feel better. If you don't talk to him about how you feel I think yabu.

We all have wobbles every now and then, try not to give yourself or your dh too much of a hard time.

Original poster
pollypopsocks · 20/05/2011 10:14

We have 3dc's, youngest is 6 months and have not really been out and partied or done anything fun together for a loooong time, she looks like she's out all the time and posing in her undies etc

OP posts:
katemumtwo · 20/05/2011 10:15

YANBU. Even the nicest H is capable of being a complete dick if his head is turned by flattery, especially from a 'modawl', ho hum. Keep an eye on it.

katemumtwo · 20/05/2011 10:16

PS - all those who say this approach is being insecure, etc etc should take a look at the collection of stories on the relationship thread where 'lovely' happy H's suddenly turn into mosters because they've caught a whiff of another possibility and are stupid enough or at a bad point in their life and go for it :(
Sad, but that's life.

rookiemater · 20/05/2011 10:17

YANBU

I wouldn't be too overjoyed if DH befriended a single part time lingerie model who likes older men either, such are the joys of facebook.

Some people put xxs to everyone, means absolutely nothing and if you have had nothing to worry about in the past, then I shouldn't worry now. Check her friend list, probably has loads of people from work.

Original poster
pollypopsocks · 20/05/2011 10:18

No, he's the only one!

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 20/05/2011 10:21

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rookiemater · 20/05/2011 10:21

Oops ok that didn't go so well. Well you have accessed your DH's messages so you can monitor what goes on. I wouldn't make too much of it, it sounds perfectly innocent on his part but she does sound like an incorrigible flirt.

NotYourPrincess · 20/05/2011 10:22

Organise a night out for the two of you, do something to make yourself feel great (haircut, new dress etc) and go and have fun together. We love having a good date night.

swallowedAfly · 20/05/2011 10:23

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jeckadeck · 20/05/2011 10:26

YANBU to be a bit sensitive but from what you've said it doesn't sound like there's any evidence of anything going on. I'd hold fire on giving him a hard time about it, anyway.

fedupofnamechanging · 20/05/2011 10:27

YANBU. I hate it when people sign work emails with kisses. Call me old fashioned but I think people should behave professionally at work. I don't think the kisses mean anything untoward though, some people do just sign emails like they're sending a note to a friend at secondary school.

Agree that you should keep an eye on this. It's true that even 'nice' men have affairs and I don't think it's a sign of insecurity to not want to have opportunity dangled under your husbands nose.

ashamedandconfused · 20/05/2011 10:28

apologies for the minihijack OP, but god swallowedafly, that made me laugh out loud!

pathalogical haha! you are a trained psychologist/psychiatrist i take it?

I was trying to reassure the Op that lots of us feel like this at times, insecure even when we KNOW there is no need to be. OP then says she has been cheated on and her father cheated on her mother, perfectly reasonable to feel insecure at times then, ditto here

Guitargirl · 20/05/2011 10:29

I understand how you feel but I think you might be reading too much into the older man thing. If she is 24, older man not really 30, she might mean quite a bit older than that.

fedupofnamechanging · 20/05/2011 10:31

I don't think that all men are cheats, but I do think a lot of people have the potential to be cheaters if all the elements come together at the 'right' time.

HubbaHubbaBubba · 20/05/2011 10:33

What does his facebook page say? Does it say he's happily married with a gorgeous wife and three kids? If not, prod him until it does! Make sure he adds a few lovey dovey pics of you both and you with your kids looking gorgeous (photoshop if needed!! :o Wink)

And I'm with others who say he's not done anything wrong and she may be a bit ditsy.

Are you on maternity leave? can you go and surprise him at work (NOT à la Ross in Friends! :o) with all your gorgeousness and your gorgeous kiddies and pee all over his desk to mark your territory :o

kitbit · 20/05/2011 10:33

Post up some lovely pics of you and the kids especially if you have one of your dh looking adoringly at any of you. Tag him, so it appears on his wall and she'll see it. Put a comment as well.

I'm all for giving your dh the benefit of the doubt but there's nothing wrong with a warning shot across her bows. And if you'vr misread it and it's all entirely innocent, no harm done.

kitbit · 20/05/2011 10:34

Ha! Crossed posts with Hubba, great minds!

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