Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shaking with jealousy over this girl and DH?!

184 replies

pollypopsocks · 20/05/2011 10:06

Ok, I never get jealous so thi sfeels really alien to me but my heart is beating really fast and I feel ill!
Basically he has started a new job and has made friends with a girl who is a gorgeous part time underwear model and they have just made friends on facebook, she is really outgoing and put on her page she loves older men (she is 24, DH is 30) and going to the gym. DH also works out loads and is very good looking, women go a bit doe eyed around him. She has messaged him on facebook asking a seeminly inncocent work question followed by kisses.
I trust DH but I feel so strange and shaky!!! AIBU

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 20/05/2011 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

swallowedAfly · 20/05/2011 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fedupofnamechanging · 20/05/2011 18:45

That's not exactly what I said. You can be friendly without being flirty. Signing with kisses is flirty imo and not appropriate between colleagues.

swallowedAfly · 20/05/2011 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fedupofnamechanging · 20/05/2011 18:52

You're welcome

motherinferior · 20/05/2011 19:01

But I don't want to police my relationship, and keep a guarding eye on it as if it were a semi-tamed puma prowling in the corner. I have enough things to bother with in my life, like earning a living and trying to be a decent parent. I'd really rather assume my partner is a sensible adult who would quite like it if a gorgeous woman flung herself at him and smothered him in kisses but who also recognises that for a number of reasons he would be foolish to reciprocate further beyond an awkward peck in the event of this wildly unlikely event.

swallowedAfly · 21/05/2011 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 21/05/2011 09:31

DH has several beautiful and intelligent work colleagues. I did feel a bit insecure while covered in baby sick, but he just reassured me that they weren't his type. No need to slag off the looks of another woman, IMO.

BelleDameSansMerci · 21/05/2011 09:32

swallwed you've said all the things I normally think but can't be arsed to post on these threads...

ilovedora27 · 21/05/2011 09:58

I think you are being a bit ridiculous to be fair. I think some of the women my husbands knows are attractive so what? He knows people I would say are attractive and vice versa. I never get scared he will cheat or find anyone to replace me. Have some belief in yourself

swallowedAfly · 21/05/2011 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

swallowedAfly · 21/05/2011 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ilovedora27 · 21/05/2011 10:07

Additionally I write kisses on the end of all messages on fb, texts etc have done it to friends parents, all age groups, men and women. Its just what most young people do and is a habit since school. It doesnt mean you want to get off with anyone in the slightest

swallowedAfly · 21/05/2011 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ilovedora27 · 21/05/2011 10:12

When at school if you didnt write kisses on the end of texts it meant you were being abrupt and probably in a mood with someone. That has stuck with me!

swallowedAfly · 21/05/2011 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BelleDameSansMerci · 21/05/2011 10:20

I'm a bit older (45) and I wouldn't very often use a kiss on a work communication - email or text. I use them all the time on texts, emails, FB updates, etc. Sometimes when I post on here I have to delete the kiss as it's automatic.

I would be horrified to think that an innocent, friendly kiss on the end of a FB comment would result in some poor woman thinking that her husband was up to no good...

stickytoffeepud · 21/05/2011 10:22

Insecurity is horribly unattractive.

lol aint that the truth

i laugh to myself at the girls hanging on to the arms of their men, trying to stop him looking at other women or women in mags/on the telly

ridiculous. If he is going to leave, he will, you hanging on to his arm for grim death aint gonna stop him :) In fact, it will probably push him faster into it

BelleDameSansMerci · 21/05/2011 10:22

ilovedora - when I was at senior school mobile phones weren't even invented and we were blown away when the school "got a computer" (heaven knows what sort it was) when I was in the 4th year!

swallowedAfly · 21/05/2011 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

swallowedAfly · 21/05/2011 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

QuintessentialOldMoo · 21/05/2011 10:38

I would think Polly, that for your husband to have a glamour model as his facebook friend is not really portraying him in a very good light. It would look unprofessional. I think it would reflect badly upon him. These days Facebook is the image your present yourself with to both colleagues and friends (as it seems like he has both on his page) and this will impact on how others see him, bosses etc.

I also think like LeQueen, I would be suspicious if he was slagging her looks off...

fedupofnamechanging · 21/05/2011 11:03

I understand why you sign things with kisses and I'm not saying that you are doing it in a flirtatious way, but do you really think in a work context you have to soften what you are saying by putting a kiss at the end of an email? Maybe it is more of a female trait to worry about how we are perceived, but I don't know many men who would worry about being read as harsh and so would sign work correspondence with a kiss! I think work is work and shouldn't really blur with how people behave outside of work. Of course it is fine to sign personal texts etc with kisses if that's what you generally do.

Also, not saying all women are out there to pounce on unsuspecting husbands and of course infidelity is the fault of the person who is married and does it anyway, but it would be denying the truth to say that there are no women out there who don't care if their sexual partner is married to someone else. If you come across someone who is like that, is it really so wrong to try and guard against it? It's instinctive to protect what is 'yours', whether thats possible/logical or not.

Infidelity happens for many reasons. Some people will cheat purely because they can and there's nothing you can do to prevent it, but other people will be going through a hard time and will meet someone who seems to offer something better and in the 'right' circumstances will embark on an affair. Of course it is still the married persons fault primarily, but there are women out there who will encourage what they could have discouraged.

All this can happen the other way around too, so it's not about blaming women for the affairs of men.

Changing2011 · 21/05/2011 11:13

Well my ex really started slagging this girl at work off and in around three months he had started shagging her behind my back.... So that makes me think op dh is protesting a little too much.

ScarlettWalking · 21/05/2011 12:14

Op your gorgeous, wonderful, interesting husband who turns women to mush is protesting too much. Did he think about how awful she was when he hit " accept", or did she even request him?

What he said was vile and quite frankly if she is a model she will not be ugly. He sounds ugly inside. My first thought when I read his response was that he fancies her.