To be shaking with jealousy over this girl and DH?!

[pollypopsocks]

Ok, I never get jealous so thi sfeels really alien to me but my heart is beating really fast and I feel ill!
Basically he has started a new job and has made friends with a girl who is a gorgeous part time underwear model and they have just made friends on facebook, she is really outgoing and put on her page she loves older men (she is 24, DH is 30) and going to the gym. DH also works out loads and is very good looking, women go a bit doe eyed around him. She has messaged him on facebook asking a seeminly inncocent work question followed by kisses.
I trust DH but I feel so strange and shaky!!! AIBU

I dont know lequeen I understand what you are saying but having had my DDs dad cheat on me, and blaming myself for making myself 'unattractive' by asking insecure questions about women he was friends with etc.. I came to realise that you have to show yourself to your husband, warts and all. If you are feeling insecure, you should be able to be a bit 'petty' or show weakness over it, and he should help you to feel better.

All this "By being self confident, doing your own thing, being up-beat, making it clear that whilst you love him you can survice perfectly well without him, and never stooping to being petty and jealous" is all well and good if it is really how you feel, but if ou don't, I don't think you should pretend, to the detriment of your own peace of mind. I havent had to yet but if I felt insecure like OP is feeling, I would confront my dp about it, I would probably also resort to childish FB antics.. because I'm human, and therefore have weakness.

I agree with Lequeen I dont get couples like this and would never write a ridiculous status like that or be bothered if my husband friended however many women he knew that he liked. There is nothing worse than the insecure, stop you from doing stuff type of person.

Was that for me swallowed? I dont follow?

I dont see hwy its a crock of shit. Heaps and heaps of men dont tell potential lovers that they are happily married. And lots of women are with married men and get past the guilt (not that I beleive it is them who should feel guilty) by not ever picturing the wife or their life together. I don't see how planting a little seed is doing any harm myself..

O don't think I do. I've been with my partner for 4 years now and I don't beleive in all that time that I have felt insecure in the slightest. I'm just saying what I would do in OP's situation based on the trillions of affair situations I've witnessed.

That couple you speak of are nutters lequeen!

SwallowedAfly, sorry, I didn't think your comment was for me. I think if something is on your radar as not quite right, I don't think it's wrong to keep an eye on it or even to say to your partner that you don't feel comfortable with the comment or think that it's appropriate. Maybe that will make a partner think about whether you are right or not and may make them alter how they are interacting with that person.

I do take the point that you can't control what your partner does (nor should you really want/need to) and I do accept that if someone actively wants to have an affair, then they will do so. I'm honestly not blaming the OW and absolving the man of responsibility, but I do believe that while it is the fault of the married person, it doesn't reflect well on the person they cheat with either. I think you have to be pretty cold to sleep with someone else's husband and it's daft to think that women like that don't exist or that they are completely blameless

Totally agree with those who say that insecurity is the biggest turn off for men.
My dh is very outgoing and has friends of both sexes. I do not have the time nor the inclination to check up on him, as i believe that if he is going to cheat,
he'll do so. He knows that if he cheats , he's out on his arse, simple as.
I too would be concerned if my dh felt the need to slag off another woman in such a cruel manner, let's be honest if she was that ugly, she wouldn't be an underwear model.
I am also mystified by the fact that many posters assume that their husbands will cheat with attractive women, as i believe that men are just as likely to cheat with plain or unattractive women.
If i were the OP , i wouldn't even bother discussing the woman , and instead
would spend time looking after myself with pampering sessions etc.
When a man thinks that you value yourself they want you even more, believe me.

We used to have this all the time with Dh's ex business partner, he wasn't "allowed" to do certain things. Interestingly they were also one of these couples who ask each other to do things rather than get off their arse and do it themselves. Loads of competitive tiredness/business between them too. She used to explain all her "rules" by saying her father was a womaniser therefore she couldn't trust anyone. Why marry someone if you don't trust them? Recipe for unhappiness there.

*"I'd leave it a couple of days and do one of those status updates where you '@' someone elses name and put something like "wonderful day with my wonderful husband @mrpoppysocks and our beuatifu children"

What a crock of shit*

Agreed.

Actually I have been the ow, dh was engaged and living with a woman when we became entangled. He left her within the month though and during our discussions he admits I was a catalyst and clarified that all was not well with his relationship.

16 years on and I do trust him even though he was by his own admission a bit of a philanderer and I was no angel! Relationships do break down, otherwise we'd all be married to our first schoolboy crush. Some people get married for the wrong reasons in the first place. I still maintain that a third party can't ruin a good relationship but if there are cracks in the relationship it can blow it apart.

Also one of my friends husband ran off with someone he worked with and thats how it all started flirty little fucking kisses after texts and e-mails.....
Yes swallowedAfly...I said thats how it all started...so shoot me....its a fact little kisses Can lead to little shags....

she sounds like a nightmare. I'm glad there are no part time underwear models at my place. not that I have a husband to be worried about. It would just make me feel like shit.

I think men are just as likely to cheat on plain and unattractive women (charles and camilla, anyone?!) however, a hugely attractive, younger woman throwing herself at you husband (not saying that is what the woman in OP is doing, we can't tell) is more of a threat to a man who otherwise wouldnt cheat, I beleive.

Woah! What did swallowedafly do?!

sometimes tho you can feel a bit paranoid without dh being untrustworthy,i have recently had my 5th baby and feel like a bag of shit with my flabby belly,baby was waking a lot thus too tired to take much time for appearance or have a decent sex life. Dh does his best to reassure me even bought me diamonds btu if he was suddenly friends with a younger pretty lingerie model then damn right id be worried,hats not really his fault and doesnt mean we have a problem with our marriage. He said he'd be pissed off too if i was suddenly mates with a Justin Timberlake look alike though
Am feeling a bit better as im losing the weight but self confidence is an issue for many.

ledkr. I wouldn't want someone in your situation feeling like they had to act the life and soul and not tell your DH you felt threatened by said lingerie model appearing on his FB. I think within a marriage we should be open about our insecurities without fear of appearing needy or pathetic. That said, their is a line and endless extreme insecurity is deeply off putting.