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to feel a bit funny that a friend has a photo of a dead baby as her profile picture?

329 replies

HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 19/05/2011 09:13

A friend (distant) has put up a photo of her cousins very obviously dead (I think stillborn) baby as her profile picture, as a "tribute".

AIBU to find this a bit weird? The photo makes me feel uncomfortable. Is this my problem, and it is in fact a nice thing to do to honour the poor wee child? Her cousins has put "thank you" underneath, so she must think its a fitting tribute. Maybe its just me. I am quite prepared to admit I am BU if need be.

OP posts:

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 19/05/2011 09:15

How sad. YABU.


youmeatsix · 19/05/2011 09:17

i would feel uncomfortable about this too, i dont understand why people use facebook the way they do, but setting that aside, i could feel sad if the mother did it in the midst of grief, but her cousin? I wonder what the babys mother thinks


BeerTricksPotter · 19/05/2011 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katiebeau · 19/05/2011 09:17

YABU, let her support her cousin in a way she is comfortable with and so is her cousin.


bubblecoral · 19/05/2011 09:19

YABVU. If the baby was stillborn, the only picture they have will be of a dead baby. The mother obviously appreciates that her baby is being remembered, so you have no right to feel uncomfortable about a photo of someones much loved baby.


ShirleyKnot · 19/05/2011 09:19

If the mother of the baby has said "thank you" on the photo then YABU I think.

How sad


BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 19/05/2011 09:19

YABU - uncomfortable as it may be for you it is just her showing support.

I lost my mum last year and sometimes if I am feeling really bad I might put stuff on there that I would never say in RL - can be a bit of a release. Don't knock what you dont understand.


Animation · 19/05/2011 09:19

Hard times for the family - you do what do to get by. Sad


HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 19/05/2011 09:19

The babies mother has thanked her for doing it, so she cant have a problem with it. I think I am going to have to hide my friend on FB for today, the picture is upsetting me (maybe unreasonably so).

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yoshiLunk · 19/05/2011 09:19

It would be weird if the cousin hadn't agreed to or known that she was going to do this, - but as they are obviously both comforted by it then of course it's not weird, not everyone would do it, true, but people deal with tragedy in very different ways, - what is a comfort to one would be painful for another.


PheasantPlucker · 19/05/2011 09:20

There is a big campaign to raise awareness of stillbirth at the moment. I expect this is a way for your friend to show that she acknowledges her cousin's baby, and shows sorrow for her loss.

We have a work FB page, and we have people who are involved with our organisation who do this - usually their own babies. It is so very sad. But often the mums are so pleased to have the existence of their beloved baby acknowledged and not ignored because people are so terrified of stillbirth, or don't know what to say to the parents, and therefore ignore the whole issue.

Just my opinion.


HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 19/05/2011 09:20

Its dated 2000, so its not "new" greif, but I imagine time doesnt make much difference when you lose a baby :(

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HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 19/05/2011 09:22

I think its becuase the picture is so very obvioulsy of a dead baby that never lived, it looks to be very premature and blue. I think thats what I am fidning difficult. I would never ever say anything to her, of course! She is finding comfort from it, It's me who is uncomfortable.

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nannyl · 19/05/2011 09:22

i think its wierd

I would never put a picture of a dead baby (or any dead person or even dead animal), especially not as a profile picture.


TheProvincialLady · 19/05/2011 09:23

In Victorian times people had photographs of their dead babies in their sitting rooms, and in their photo albums. It's not such a new thing.

It's not like your friend put up a random picture of 'a dead baby' on her FB profile. He/she was a member of her family and the mother is pleased so who are you to criticise? Don't look if it upsets you.


Fleurdebleurgh · 19/05/2011 09:23



bubblecoral · 19/05/2011 09:25

Maybe the fact that the baby didn't die recently makes it even more important for the family to use the picture. I can imagine that years after someone has suffered a stillbirth, other people stop mentioning it, so it may mean a lot to the Mother that her baby is still being remembered years on. It's not like she will forget, so it's good that she is not alone in remembering.


deemented · 19/05/2011 09:25


I think it's lovely that the child is still remembered, and not just by the parents. It's not something i would chose to do myself, but if that's what works for them, then i have no problem with it.

Perhaps you should look at yourself and ask why it's an issue for you? Why does it make you feel uncomfortable?


BelieveInPink · 19/05/2011 09:27

I think it's okay for you to be uncomfortable, I really do.

I have friends who have tragically lost their children, and I have felt honoured if they share their pictures with me. That said, none of them have made the photograph their profile picture on a social networking site. They asked if I wanted to see and I felt honoured that they'd allow me to. The didn't force it upon me and it was a very private and personal thing.

I suppose if the mother was comforted by it, and you didn't make your uncomfortable feelings known then it's okay for you to feel uneasy about it.


porcamiseria · 19/05/2011 09:27

YABU, some posts are better in your head than out in cyberspace, this is one such example


TeamLemon · 19/05/2011 09:28

A friend's baby died last week, just hours after birth. His photo is up on her facebook profile.
It's the only chance friends will get to see her beautiful boy.
At first I thought it was weird, but as I looked and really took in the photo I came to feel that she has carried her baby and had a relationship with him that no one else could fully appreciate, that she will mourn him in her way, and that she may feel proud to show her beautiful boy to the world. I will not judge her.


HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 19/05/2011 09:28

Seems I am unreasonable then. I will leave her a message telling her I am sorry for her families loss. I will then hide her profile for today, as even though IABU, I still cant look at it. :(

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georgie22 · 19/05/2011 09:29

I don't think YABU. To me that would be a very personal and private memory of that baby, and whilst I think it's important for people to talk about stillbirth etc. and raise awareness I just feel by seeing this I would be invading someone else's grief. Can't understand why people want the minute details of their life on FB etc.


HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 19/05/2011 09:30

Maybe its because I had a premature baby myself, though he survived, Perhaps it brings up thoughts of "what if" that I am not comfortable with.

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Morloth · 19/05/2011 09:33

It is OK for her to do that and it is OK for you to be uncomfortable.

I would think you were unreasonable if you were not effecting by a photo of a dead baby.

My friend has a sketch of her stillborn daughter on her FB, my heart aches a little for her every time i see it.

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