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Original poster

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck

189 replies

bupcakesandcunting · 18/05/2011 10:16

Blush Blush Blush

I have to walk down a long alley with loads of bends in it to get DS to pre-school, and obviously, walk back up it. On the way back the alley is dead quiet because pre-school parents leave fifteen minutes after the rest of the school. I never see anyone walking down there on my way back.

About halfway up on my way home, I had a terrible urge to, ahem, bottom burp. Had a quick scan round. No-one about, so I let rip. It was REALLY loud and it had gusto too. (Chilli for tea last night) Then I hear sniggering and feel my fce go red from the neck up. Turns out there were two blokes over the other side of the fence of the alley, pruning a tree. Both of them quite easy on the eye.

Moral of this story: look UP as well.

OP posts:
stripeytiger · 19/05/2011 13:45

so glad this thread is still going....thank you Bupcakes. Don't suppose you did a repeat performance this morning? :o

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 19/05/2011 13:54

My arse has been suspiciously quiet today. It's almost like it knows it let me down yesterday Hmm Grin

OP posts:
LadyClariceCannockMonty · 19/05/2011 13:55

Ah, but have the sexy tree men?

AngryFeet · 19/05/2011 13:59

He entertains his girlfriend with his farts? Grin

Can he play a tune with his arsehole or something?

pingu2209 · 19/05/2011 14:04

I have popped in my car before whilst parked in the school car park waiting for pick up time. Then a friend tapped on the window to have a chat. She screwed her nose up when she smelt the smell when I put the window down.

Why do people lift one bottom cheek off a seat to let one go? Never understoon this.

stripeytiger · 19/05/2011 14:10

Would you be up for a MN challenge Bupcakes? We dare you, assuming of course sexy tree men still there, to.........saunter casually down path (ensuring of course that you have had plenty of fart inducing foods)......and say, you asked me yesterday if it was windy out, well I have a message from the Met Office for you.....do the loudest and longest fart you can muster, flip your hair and walk off with your head held high.

You would be a fucking lengend

stripeytiger · 19/05/2011 14:11

legend even, sorry Blush

stripeytiger · 19/05/2011 14:14

yes i've alway wondered that too pingu? Ex h did it and also did a sort of "get in there" punching the air with his hand action too....obviously added something!

cantpooinpeace · 19/05/2011 14:21

My colleague once farted in an interview! He realised he was slumped in his chair so lifted himself up which produced a very loud fart as sat on a plastic chair. Needless to say he wasn't offered the job :)

ticklebug74 · 19/05/2011 14:21

lol@stripeytiger.

Where do you live bupcakes - i want to be there when you do the MN Challenge - :o

My dd who is 4 just asked me what I was laughing at - bless her - she is as good a 'windypopper' as I have ever met! Don't know where she gets that from Hmm

Insomnia11 · 19/05/2011 14:30

Just read Cinnabar's ones on page 4, trying really hard to supress laughter at work

OTheHugeManatee · 19/05/2011 16:44

I remember playing tennis with my dad once. He went for a brisk backhand volley and let out the most monumental trump ever. I swear it echoed around the garden.

Punkatheart · 19/05/2011 17:36

Farts/toots/trumps/windypops or any of the hilarious euphemisms used by you lot - they never get any less funny as you age, do they?

In Oxford once - an elderly gentleman walked past, wet farting with every step. Very loud and seemingly unaware.

My OH and I had to sit down on the pavement - crying with laughter. Couldn't speak as we heard his soggy trumping slowly fade away into Morse territory.

AngryBeaver · 19/05/2011 18:04

My gran farts everytime she gets up and says "oh dear"...She's in a care home now so when we visit she gets up from her usual chair with the other ladies,where they natter..and walks into the consevatory part with more furniture for us to sit down.
She farts cwith every step and then does a big brrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaap as she sits down again. She takes my mums arm as she walks down(strangely my arms are always full of stuff Grin) and we can't look at each other while she does The Walk Of Shame for fear we collapse in heap.
When mum mentioned that gran was getting a zimmer,i said "She doesn't need a zimmer,she needs those shoes with the wheels on the bottom..she'd just have to stand up and the power of her farts would propell her to wherever she wanted to go!" Imagine,all the other residents would be Envy Grin

SupermassiveLBD · 19/05/2011 18:20

Hello, bupcakes, fabulous thread. We miss you at the Academy.

This place always makes me scream with laughter.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 19/05/2011 19:04

I still look in on the Academy, with much fondness. You are doing me and indeed the world of Richard Armitage stalking admiration very proud :)

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 19/05/2011 19:12

at least you didnt follow through from fart to splat

LifeIsButtercream · 19/05/2011 19:26

This thread has had me in stitches!

According to my partner, I will never live down the fact that I was the first one to let one go in our relationship (I was being tickled at the time, and was quite impressed with my comeback that it was in self defense).

DD will not let me get away with trying to be sly, she will announce loudly "Mummy trumps, mummy trumps, mummy trumps" everytime she either hears a trump noise or smells a bad smell. This is embarrassing enough, especially because 99% of the time it has nothing to do with me, our trip to the zoo was fun.........

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 20/05/2011 16:52

Anyone remember who it was on here whose grandmother could fart the Marseillaise? (sorry if you're on this thread and I've forgotten your name!)

trumpton · 20/05/2011 17:33

Why do you think I have the user name I have ?? Nothing to do with Camberwick Green. More like Windy Miller.

InAStateOfReflux · 20/05/2011 17:54

Once I was in Boots with my friend and I was in pain dying to fart, so as soon as we got outside I let it out silently in the hope it would quickly disperse as we were in the open air. It didn't however, it was horrendous. My friend said, "Christ! What is that smell?" There was a tramp sat outside begging and I said, "It must be him..", she then said really loudly, "my GOD, he STINKS!" I felt sorry for him being blamed for such and awful smell, but still have never confessed, may god forgive me...Sad

WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 20/05/2011 18:17

I've just remembered a post (can remember what thread or who it was) about somebody's DH who, every time he farted in the nude, would yank his willy and shout "BANDIT!!!"

complexnumber · 20/05/2011 18:30

"People trump past my front garden all the time because they don't know I am in there."

Are you, by any chance, a garden gnome HonestyBox?

FellatioNelson · 20/05/2011 20:11

Every time he hears a car coming one of my dogs rushes to the kitchen window and stands on his hind legs with his front paws on the worktop so he can see out, and EVERY time he does upwards movement of his body he lets one go. He's been doing it for five years, but he still looks over his shoulder at me like this Confused as if to say 'What was that? Was that you?'

We always used to say 'you did a poppy bottom' when our DCs were small. It's lame I know. Blush

ShushBaby · 20/05/2011 20:45

Angrybeaver MY granny does that too! Will suddenly have something very very important to do on the other side of the room, and rattle off a stream of farts, machine gun style, as she goes.

We've always politely ignored it. But my dd (15m) has taken to announcing loudly 'POO!' whenever she farts or hears a fart. Which was rather awkward during our trip to Granny's recently...