Fuck fuck fuckity fuck

[bupcakesandcunting]

I have to walk down a long alley with loads of bends in it to get DS to pre-school, and obviously, walk back up it. On the way back the alley is dead quiet because pre-school parents leave fifteen minutes after the rest of the school. I never see anyone walking down there on my way back.

About halfway up on my way home, I had a terrible urge to, ahem, bottom burp. Had a quick scan round. No-one about, so I let rip. It was REALLY loud and it had gusto too. (Chilli for tea last night) Then I hear sniggering and feel my fce go red from the neck up. Turns out there were two blokes over the other side of the fence of the alley, pruning a tree. Both of them quite easy on the eye.

Moral of this story: look UP as well.

RAaaaarrrrbbb

pmsl

I will confess to a windypop or two when I'm swimming... it's weird .. the bubbles go up your back under your swimsuit.... "Thar she blows..."

Yes "sharted" = a delightful fuse of farted and shat. Brilliant, non?

My husbands name must be "Buuummblebeee"

This thread has made me laugh out loud - but I am really confused by ScousyFogarty's post. Exploiting tolerance? Rules being changed? Come back and tell us please Scousy - I need to know!!!

oh I needed to read this! Too funny.

One day I had my 3 kids at the checkout in Tesco waiting to be served and there was an awful stench (not me honest!) and my eldest (and loudest) child piped up "Mum, what's that terrible stink? That man must have farted".....poor man went bright red and scuttled off.

If it helps, this week alone I spent a lovely 20 minutes chatting and laughing with other parents in the school yard with food stuck in my teeth and had a very lively conversation with a gorgeous wee toddler who was sporting dreadlocks, in a perfect rasta accent. If his mum noticed she was too polite to punch me in the face...I was harnessing Donkey from Shrek but it came out all wrong ...I always sound Australian when I'm trying to do Geordie, and now apparently Rasta when I'm trying to speak Donkey.

As for bottom burps, my dd told her class teacher that I did an extra big valentines fart that day...

People trump past my front garden all the time because they don't know I am in there.

A ditty from the loo walls at secondary school has just popped into my head - it has some relevance here:

Here I sit, broken hearted
Tried to shit and only farted!

Another one - this time from the dses repetoire:

To fart, to fart, it is no crime,
It gives the stomach ease.
It warms the bed in wintertime
And suffocates the fleas!!

This thread has just had me crying with laughter. What is it about farts that is just SO funny?

I think Scousy is Gabby and, therefore, somewhat confused

My nan used to call them bangs

She'd do a cats bum face and say 'who did a bang'

Still makes me laugh when I think what if that really was the sound of a fart baaaanngg like one of those big gold gong thingys or a short sharp surprise one that catches you off guard BANG

I was working last night and haven't been to bed since 7am yesterday so I'm allowed to think and act like a 5yr old.

Bangs... . It was my Nan who called them 'windypops' and I still do. I don't know why.. have always called them that.

There was a famous after dinner speaker who let one fly at the podium. Quick as a flash he turned around to his hindquarters and said: 'Get out and walk - I've carried you far enough..'

It's all about the recovery...

No worries bupcakes, they were men and probably took it as mating call!

bupcakes, I saw this on Active convos and knew it was yours.

I do heart you.

Best thread on the board today... and in a long time.

Thank you for this thread - I needed a laugh whilst having a break from the thankless task of cleaning! The cats looked up in confusion when I snorted aloud!

Loved that story about the beautiful girl farting at the builders -

'Windypop'is from the Big Friendly Giant, isn't it?

This is my entire contribution to this thread, because I do not fart. Ever. Definitely not.

Is it, Tortoiseonthehalfshell? If so, they must have got it from my Nan...

I love windypop

I'm going to use that the next time dd farts. She'll fall around the place laughing.

"Windypop" was definitely used in our family too ............

"Toot" is another one which I always find hysterical for some reason.

Not that I ever do either of course.......................... one of my worst fears is doing this in front of a class

''He might be called Burt. A ,ot of my trumps sounds like "Burrrrrt"

Bunting I am mopping up the tears. Farts are now going to be called 'Burts' in my house for ever more.

DH is a teacher. He is currently doing a lot of invigilation. One of his professional colleagues was trying to get him to play the pump game. Seemingly you stroll around as usual then stop next to a desk and let one go.
DH was horrified and declined.
This game even has rules. All the desks are numbered and pieces of paper are pulled out of of a bag. If you get 45, you pass wind beside number 45.

er,youy clatty bint,have you just farted?!"

in tears of laughter at work, literally crying

I don't know what it is about them that is so funny? They just are.

I work from home and have two dogs. One of them has a 'wind problem' and he often does them when he's jumping from the floor to the sofa (possibly for extra lift)... if I'm on the phone to a customer I have a really hard time trying to keep my peals of laughter inside...

Imagine having to try to explain...