Fuck fuck fuckity fuck

[bupcakesandcunting]

I have to walk down a long alley with loads of bends in it to get DS to pre-school, and obviously, walk back up it. On the way back the alley is dead quiet because pre-school parents leave fifteen minutes after the rest of the school. I never see anyone walking down there on my way back.

About halfway up on my way home, I had a terrible urge to, ahem, bottom burp. Had a quick scan round. No-one about, so I let rip. It was REALLY loud and it had gusto too. (Chilli for tea last night) Then I hear sniggering and feel my fce go red from the neck up. Turns out there were two blokes over the other side of the fence of the alley, pruning a tree. Both of them quite easy on the eye.

Moral of this story: look UP as well.

YouTube clip? Of peeing? euww!

Mind you after the hot tub clip of someone pooing themselves (linked from the pooing in sock thread) I don't know why I'm shocked!

My Dsis told me of the time that her 4 year old tried to do a big fart 'like daddy does' and after much straining suddenly stopped and said ' opps, something's happened' and hobbled out the room!

Bizarrely, as I was writing that ^, my DD has just informed me that a boy 'followed through' in assembly today !

ROFL oh dear

Marking place. Sobbing with laughter.

I love the word shart

I think it could become a new sweary word "you are a complete and utter sssshart"

I am loving CinnabarRed's stories about her mum farting, and all the dogs jumping up and examining their bottoms to see if it was them, and the Head who farted against a radiator so it reverberated round the whole school. Those two have made me cry with laughter - thankyou, Cinnabar.

BEST THREAD OF THE DAY! Have not laughed so much in a long time and I needed it. THANK YOU! :o

My mum used to classify her farts. You had Silent But Violent, Loud & Proud and Cocktail Farts. The latter being the ones that sound curly and are usually committed when the projector is desperately trying to with-hold...very, ahem, elegant.

This thread has made me LOL in ways I never realised possible- bloody awesome, especially Burrrrrrrt.
I must admit one fell out by the cheese aisle whilst in Morrisons yesterday. When I realised I had forgotten Quark and walked through the cloud of fog at the scene of the crime my 6 year old DD yelled 'oh Mummy it STINKS down here!'
cringe

I typed this out last night on my twatphone iPhone then lost my signal when I hit send. Here goes again...

DH told me last night that his best mate Martin was entertaining his girlfriend one night by doing naked farts whilst sat on an armchair in her house Eventually, the gas ran low and the solid fuel kicked in, if you catch my drift. So, there he is, horrified and sat bollock-naked stewing in his own bum-gravy. Bad enough? But there is more. The full horror of the disgusting situation hits him,plus the stench, one would imagine, and he SPEWS, blows chunks. SO he is sat there in his birthday suit, covered in sick and shit.

THEN, get this right, his GIRLFRIEND cleans it UP. She didn't leave him. What. The actual. Fuck?

Thousand per cent true.

And that happened to his 'best mate' did it? Yeah, right.

Oh cripes, I am turning into my mother, saying the names of people in stories even though none of you even know the person

"Cocktail Farts. The latter being the ones that sound curly and are usually committed when the projector is desperately trying to with-hold...very, ahem, elegant."

I blame my trumps on DS. He is only 4. I do a loud one, in the bedroom say. He grins and looks at me and goes "aw mummmmmeeeee" and I go "that was you, son" He looks so confused and flummoxed. You can see him thinking about it but he usually buys that he did it. I feel bad sometimes about doing it...

Oh I totally believe him, alice. For three reasons:

1. DH has never so much farted in front of me. And, believe it or not, I have never in front of he. We are quite Victorian about bodily functions.

1. His best mate would totally do this. He is fucking horrific.

1. Instinct

The silent drop and run game is my favourite to play in the classroom!

You casually walk up to a desk let it drop, walk away and watch as the class blame each other!

OMG I have had a really, really cr*p couple of days and just sat down with MN because TBH I can't face doing any of the myriad jobs I need to do. I had been walking around the house with tears running down my face.

I have now cried tears of laughter at this thread and feel like life is worth living again. The dog is standing in the living room doorway looking totally bemused at the noise I was making and I can't sit and mope any more because I need a wee.

Thank you for cheering me up when I needed it so much.

BimboNo5, I reckon the word 'Quark' sounds like a fart too :o

oh dear GOd OP - that is so damn funny

Somehow I missed this yesterday but so glad to read it through to the end today. I really guffawed at your update. You're one classy woman bupcakes

at least you didn't drop one in a sock like another post mentioned!

^^"bum gravy" AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

PS OP - always blame unexpectedly loud trumpage on a squeaky floorboard, no matter what surface you are walking on.

Norfolk, isn't that known as the 'guff stroll'? :)

This thread has massively cheered me up today

this thread is hilarious

fucking classic