Fuck fuck fuckity fuck

[bupcakesandcunting]

I have to walk down a long alley with loads of bends in it to get DS to pre-school, and obviously, walk back up it. On the way back the alley is dead quiet because pre-school parents leave fifteen minutes after the rest of the school. I never see anyone walking down there on my way back.

About halfway up on my way home, I had a terrible urge to, ahem, bottom burp. Had a quick scan round. No-one about, so I let rip. It was REALLY loud and it had gusto too. (Chilli for tea last night) Then I hear sniggering and feel my fce go red from the neck up. Turns out there were two blokes over the other side of the fence of the alley, pruning a tree. Both of them quite easy on the eye.

Moral of this story: look UP as well.

Oh bupcakes! That update was amazing!

You've made my day!

There was a thread on here the other day about a woman who followed through in Sainsbury's.

I didn't think it could get any funnier ......... but it did - LOL

And laughing boys in the tree is just delicious too in it's own way

I wonder how many love stories began with "she did the loudest fart known to man and I just knew she was the one for me..."

You've certainly made your mark bupcakes, though thankfully only metaphorically speaking

This thread is fantastic!! I just had to read through the whole thread before DD's ballet class and it has brightened up my day!! Now need to wipe the tears/mascara off my face!

Me too puglet. Just read update and have tears rolling down my cheeks - kids think I have gone mad - just read ExitPursuedByAKitten's post about someone following through in Sainsbury's - just have to find that thread and read it.

Thank you for brightening up my dreary, depressing day

Once I was listening to my Walkman in Woolworths (and if that doesn't date me I don't know know what would) and broke wind, expecting it to be silent...but apparently according to people's horrified/amused faces around me it wasn't. Be aware when using headphones you may lack volume control in bodily functions.

I can't top 'following through' in Sainsbury's but contractions did start in earnest there when I was carrying DD1 when we had thought we had time to do a weekly shop. I was looking at some prawns at the time, DH was arguing with me about what type to buy and suddenly I was doubled over saying "Aaaargh I don't care, get whichever effing prawns you want...aaargh!" Though sadly my waters didn't go - apparently at that branch you get a free bag of goodies if that happens (it is next to the hospital so I imagine it happens more frequently than you'd think).

Also if you have ever walked into a cloud of stinky egg fart in a public library, that was probably me. I'm so very sorry. Something about libraries makes me fart.

Brilliant update, bumcakes.... How long are these laughing boys going to be there?

That would be buPcakes, sorry...

Now bumcakes is a good name for windypops/toots/trumps don't you think!

Ah well as my lovely old Dad used to say...." It's a sad arse that never rejoiced"

How absolutely fecking hilarious excrutiating for you, bupcakes. That's made my day.

A friend of mine who worked at a busy lorry firm decided to make the most of a quiet minute in the reception while preparing her lunch. She let out a rip-roarer at the same time taking her lunch out of her bag.

At that precise moment one of the (extremely fit) lorry drivers came in with his mate, took one look at her lunch then did a huge theatrical sniff saying "cor I do love the smell of beef pot noodle". She hadn't even taken the lid off!

pmsl

Just came back in this room as heard ds (7) giggling his little head off. I had left this thread open, and the norty little wotsit had decided to nose. He thought it was Very Funny. You have made his day, bupcakes, and we will now be regaled with outbursts of 'botty cough!' 'windypop!' and 'burt!' followed by uncontrollable laughter for the rest of the day.

Thanks.

Oh god yes, the poor woman who followed through in Sainsburys. Luckily she was wearing a dress over tights (I think?) so she just removed her knickers and tights and went commando :o

Oh you're all welcome. My mortification, your entertainment.

Am crying at beef pot noodle/Walkman in woolys/eggy library guffs.

please can someone tell me where the sainsburys thread is.....sorry but i really need to read it :o

People keep mentioning the sainsburys thread - don't you all mean tesco? Or is there another one that I missed? I NEED to know!

I'm almost sure it was sainsburys, it could even have been asda. Or possibly tesco. Might have been morrisons!

I stood in the middle of a popular dog walking field, legs akimbo, hoiked up my skirt, yanked my knickers to one side and did a pee in broad daylight last week. It was a very exhilarating feeling - a bit like being a flasher. (I imagine )

It was quite busy with people around, but I could see quite far in all directions (it was a very open, flat field) and I figured that no-one was near enough to work out what I was doing from a distance. Unless they had binoculars, but I decided to chance it.

dd just got dropped back from her dance class, came in and ds said to her...don't worry mummy is still on mumsnet reading about women farting"....dd replied....."oh fgs how childish"......they are aged 8 and 9.... don't care very entertaining.

I was in Sainsbury's once, examining something at the rack on the end of an aisle when a lady moved from within the aisle to stand next to me on the end IYSWIM, farted, hugely, looked at me and tutted and walked back to her original spot. Everyone thought it was me, DH was pissing himself and I just stood there like this

Yesterday morning, whilst sitting on the toilet, DD comes into the bathroom, opens the blind and shouts to my neighbour in the garden below 'mummy's doing a stinky stinky poo' And I wasn't, it was just a wee. Do I explain that to my neighbour? Or never mention it? Ever?

So it's you on that youtube clip, Fellatio? And it looked as if you weren't using a she-wee.

Oh dear madhairday does that mean your 7yo now knows what a shart is?! :o

The other thread was entitled (one of these) " I just sharted/shat myself/shit my pants in Sainsbo's...people then comisserated/empathised,so apparantly it does happen. Noone I have ever known has admitted to this though!

ps..I think it was in chat