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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie about friends being christened so that i can have them as my childrens godparents?

213 replies

ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 22:08

I have booked my 2 boys Christening today for this year.

I have 6 people in line to be Godparents. My two best friends, 2 mutual Friends and a couple who babysat me as a young un and i babysat her boys when they were young.

BUT my two best friends are not christened and we dont think our mutual friends are either - waiting on replies from them.

I filled in the christening booking form today at the Church and when it asked about Godparents, i said No and ? to the ones that we dont know about and are sure they havent being christened?

AIBU to ring the church and tell them they have being christened or would they find out? The lady at church today said they check to see if godparents are christened - but my cousins who had their babies christened last year said 2 of their godparents (each) were not christened and the church never said anything or got back to them about it. I feel silly and stupid now for saying no and ? instead of YES

And to top it off everyone who i have told about the christening have commented on the date saying ''oh wont forget that date'' The christening is booked for September 11th :|

OP posts:
HellNoSayItAintSo · 10/05/2011 17:38

It's not just your decision, its the church and vicars (?) decision too.

I always knew CofE was religion-lite, but what the fuck is the point of such wishy-washy religion? Oh, be a godparent, doesn't matter if you go to church or believe in god, sure we'll christen you, no matter if you're going to come to church or not.
Whats it all for? At least the Catholics actually have a point to it all, a reason to call themselves a religion.

campion · 10/05/2011 18:02

I wouldn't bother lying, OP. It won't matter as long as they're sincere in their promises - and being an active godparent normally involves remembering birthdays and Christmas in a generous sort of way, but that's not stated in the service!
As it's the established church of the country the CofE is obliged to baptise anyone who asks, despite what some clergy may lead you to believe.

'Wishy washy religions' ( do you mean denominations?), HellNo, have a poor track record of causing trouble in the world. We need more of that type, I reckon!

Continuum · 10/05/2011 18:14

HellNoSayItAintSo Oh please can the tedious judgmental stuff. Christianity has many different forms and expressions.

amicissima · 10/05/2011 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glastocat · 10/05/2011 18:49

As an atheist I am enjoying the hypocrisy that would be required in order to lie to the vicar about whether the godparents are christened. I turned down being a godparent because I am an atheist, and was not christened. Being christened was a requirement, this was in a Catholic church. My atheist husband had to agree to being a godparent to avoid a family row, but he said his piece about renouncing the devil holding his notes with the devil horn hand signal so it didn't count. Grin

cjel · 10/05/2011 18:50

My daughter had this and the potential godparents didn't want to be baptised so they were able to be called supporters or something instead. Don't lie its a bit of a big thing to lie about and if you are serious about the service and what you are doing I don't know how you could even consider lying!!!!

rosie1979 · 10/05/2011 19:20

Why not have a naming ceremony and they can decide when they are older if they want to be christened?

I had a friend who decided to be christened age 13 after attending christian youth group, I would rather let my dc's decide for themselves.

BTW OP how can you have a C/D for RE GCSE? Genuine question, surely just one grade?

HellNoSayItAintSo · 10/05/2011 19:30

Yes it does. But most brands necessitate the basics of actually attending the church you want to baptise your children into.

No matter to me, I'm an atheist. I have great respect for religious people, but not the wishy washy "its just what you do, its not like we actually believe stuff" types. Just so pointless.

razzlebathbone · 10/05/2011 20:39

Can't believe the OP is getting her kids christened just so she can have a big fuck off sunday dinner.

I've fucking heard it all now!

Angry
confuddledDOTcom · 10/05/2011 20:54

Do you renounce the deceit and corruption of evil?
Resp: I renounce them, is this a good time to tell you I decieved you?

Ihavewelliesbuttheyrenotgreen · 10/05/2011 21:25

razzle she didn't say she was doing it to have a sunday dinner. She just said she was going to her Mums for dinner.

OP I know you've heard it lots of times but Rosies idea is probably the best one, or perhaps a thanksgiving ceremony as your kids are a bit older so already named as such.

Amic is also right you do need to consider whether or not it is appropriate for you and the Godparents to stand up and make these claims. Hopefully you will have baptism preparation sessions which will help you make a decision.

Hellsay I'm not a fan of wishy-washyness in Church and I don't think that the OP should have her DC baptised in this case. But I think that you are being too harsh. People should be allowed to explore their faith and a compromise eg a blessing or naming ceremony could be offered.

choirmum · 10/05/2011 21:41

I was brought up in the church and like many young adults, drifted away. We deliberately did not get our children baptised as babies as we were not churchgoers and wanted them to decide for themselves. When they started asking questions about religion and church, we made the decision to start attending our village church as a family. The children were baptised at ages 9 and 7 and were hugely involved in the service. Their godparents are all baptised and attend the same church. We deliberately didn't choose friends and family members who don't attend church as the role would be irrelevant to them and they couldn't be more important in our childrens lives anyway. I disagree with infant baptism, especially for those whose parents have no intention of keeping the promises they make at the service, and they are promises!

smileymam · 10/05/2011 22:53

i,m not christened, but have 4 god daughters. dont really think telling lies in church is really getting off to a good start though. when i was made god mother there were just parts of the service that i couldnt join in with such as renewing my vows.

campion · 11/05/2011 00:28

Why would you deny baptism to a baby because its parents aren't churchgoers, choirmum? How do you know whether they intend to keep the promises or not?

It makes the church seem like an exclusive club rather than a place where all are meant to be welcome.

Who knows what seeds may be sown by having even a small contact with christianity.

Bigglewinkle · 11/05/2011 04:05

I think YABU. I'm a practicing christian, and godparent to 4 children. Being a godparent is about guiding them in the faith. Different churches in C of E do have different rules about who can be a godparent (christened or not) but the ceremony remains the same - its about being christian!! And it doesn't sound like you're taking that part seriously which I think is a shame

choirmum · 11/05/2011 10:55

Campion, I totally agree that the church is not an exclusive club and should be welcoming to all, but it's surely a two-way street. Why baptise your children then never set foot in a church again until you want them to be married there, or for some other convenient reason? I would favour the idea of a ceremony to welcome infants and their families to the church family for those who want to explore the christian faith, and formal baptism could follow when the child is able to have an opinion and make a choice. My point is that as adults, parents and godparents are making promises on an infants behalf which do not need to be made.

Ormirian · 11/05/2011 10:58

Why would you want your child christened if you don't beleive? I am assuming you don't beleive as no-one who truly beleived would want a non-Christian to take on the role of god-parent. They have to make some fairly unequivocal vows in the service.

Why bother? Just why?

confuddledDOTcom · 11/05/2011 11:28

I don't know about no one would want none-Christian godparents. My children weren't christened, they were Dedicated and we chose godparents for them (which is optional with Dedication) and we chose people who would take an interest in them not people who would teach them about the faith as we believe that's our job and no one else's.

The OP has said she's agnostic and is trying to recreate her religious experience (went to a CoE school, not a religious family but she was christened) I'm confused about that though. I don't see how being christened adds to the experience, she can still get them into CoE school and you can never recreate your own upbringing for your children, whatever it was or how much you try it's all totally different people.

campion · 13/05/2011 00:20

choirmum ,there is already a Thanksgiving service which covers your suggestions, though I don't know how popular it actually is. If you've gone to all that trouble then just have a baptism, is how I tend to see it. Obviously, you'd hope that everyone was sincere but, as in life, it'll vary quite a lot. Not even regular, 'paid up' churchgoers all believe the same thing ( in the same service!).

My point is that you shouldn't ( and the CofE isn't allowed to) deny baptism to anyone who asks for it because a) it's their business and b) this could be the start of a greater spiritual awareness in some.If it isn't, then no actual harm was done.

confuddledDOTcom · 13/05/2011 01:14

Why? Because some people believe that baptism follows salvation. Not sure where they get the idea from though. Maybe the Bible but that's not important, we're better off following the church and doing it our own way, eh?

MercurySoccer · 13/05/2011 12:47

Whole families including children were baptised in Biblical times.

choirmum · 13/05/2011 20:00

Sorry Campion, I guess I just have a problem with people using a service entirely for their own gratification without giving anything back. And by the way, the infant isn't asking for it, the parents are.

Thevicar · 17/12/2014 15:26

It is wrong to lie about whether your prospective Godparents have been Christened. If they won't be Christened they are not allowed to be Godparents. In the service they make vows to bring up the child in the Christian faith. If they can't do this please don't ask them to be your child's Godparents. Your cousin is wrong in suggesting their Church was ok about this. They weren't. The Vicar could be disciplined for allowing this to happen, as they take an oath to uphold the Canon Laws of the church.

Aherdofmims · 17/12/2014 15:46

I thought only one each had to be christened.

Church did not check mine but that was because priest knew me. Also I think he mixed up my having been cpd checked with truthfulness! But I was telling the truth. (about their baptism. Luckily form didn't ask any other questions!)

Aherdofmims · 17/12/2014 15:54

I am a fan of wishywashyness on principle in religious matters

I think Jesus probably was on the evidence we have. But we don't have very reliable evidence of what he thought on matters of detail.