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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie about friends being christened so that i can have them as my childrens godparents?

213 replies

ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 22:08

I have booked my 2 boys Christening today for this year.

I have 6 people in line to be Godparents. My two best friends, 2 mutual Friends and a couple who babysat me as a young un and i babysat her boys when they were young.

BUT my two best friends are not christened and we dont think our mutual friends are either - waiting on replies from them.

I filled in the christening booking form today at the Church and when it asked about Godparents, i said No and ? to the ones that we dont know about and are sure they havent being christened?

AIBU to ring the church and tell them they have being christened or would they find out? The lady at church today said they check to see if godparents are christened - but my cousins who had their babies christened last year said 2 of their godparents (each) were not christened and the church never said anything or got back to them about it. I feel silly and stupid now for saying no and ? instead of YES

And to top it off everyone who i have told about the christening have commented on the date saying ''oh wont forget that date'' The christening is booked for September 11th :|

OP posts:
Continuum · 10/05/2011 11:14

And what about guilt you may feel for lying, depending on the kind of person you are. What if you found that you want more with regards to faith, want to start exploring church at other times, the fact you'd lied to the vicar may be a stumbling block to that and that would be a real shame.

ilovemyhens · 10/05/2011 11:17

I have been supportive in encouraging her to explore her faith if you read my past posts. I suggested that she postpone the baptism and perhaps join an Alpha Course and start going to church. She sounds like she's sitting on the fence and I tried to nudge her off so that she might land on the right side Grin

ilovemyhens · 10/05/2011 11:21

And why is she worried about the ceremony taking place on September the 11th? She clearly has less important things on her mind - ie superstition - than helping her children enter into the Christian faith Hmm

Ihavewelliesbuttheyrenotgreen · 10/05/2011 11:22

I think that you and others have been a little bit harsh in your questions I love hens. And this seems to be based on your own experiences of seeing non-Christians have their children baptised to get into a good school etc.

I do agree with your points on Alpha etc though

Perhaps it would be a good idea OP to go over to the Philosophy/religion/spirituality board where there are quite a few topics about people exploring their faith eg by going on Alpha courses.

Continuum · 10/05/2011 11:23

I wouldn't touch the Alpha course with a bargepole, it's not the only way to the Christian faith.

CheeseAndBunion · 10/05/2011 11:41

Sorry, I've come into this late so haven't absorbed every post but I must admit to being a little confused. You say your son is 4.7 but will not be starting school in September as you are extending him at nursery school. You then go on to explain that there are a limited number of places available at the C of E primary because of demand. Are you waiting for a place therefore to become available to you as I can only presume that if he already had one you would be sending him in September as expected given his age? If you are waiting for a place then I can only imagine that having him christened will potentially enhance his chances as most faith schools give at least some precedence to baptised children of that faith. Your first post was not about the strength of faith of your potential godparents but purely about whether you should have lied to the Vicar. You explain that you are agnostic, didn't choose to marry in a Church, aren't doing this for the party or school place (because clearly this would never be about a school place) but yet despite your previous lack of interest in the Church seem very keen to keep reminding us of how fond of God and Jesus you and your son are.

Call me an old cynic but this sounds awfully like a 'sit at the front till the Vicar signs your form' new found belief to me (but then I'm always a little dubious of anyone who finds their belief right about the time that school applications go in or offers get made).

confuddledDOTcom · 10/05/2011 11:50

"Where did i ask about wedding crowd?"

Are you actually reading this thread???

Dozer Mon 09-May-11 23:39:52
LOL at "the christening crowd". Are there also a wedding crowd and funeral crowd?

confuddledDOTcom · 10/05/2011 12:04

KD0706 in our case it was because he didn't like me and as my daughter died shortly after birth he didn't see why we would want to do anything for her, we don't believe in infant baptism so it wasn't an issue. She would have been 6 this year and we now have two (and a half!) other little girls.

I know there have been some bad experiences of Alpha but they're not all bad. They're run by the church/ group holding them and like anything they're going to be influenced by who is running it. I loved history at school, I had a fantastic history teacher and would happily sit in his class all day listening to him talk (he was an older man, before you say anything, he was just good at his job) so I took it as one of my options. I spent two years hating history! It was all down to the teacher, one could sell it the other really couldn't! I don't see Alpha as any different. Good teachers (I've been on a good course) and bad teachers.

Cheese, surely if it was about school it would have had to have been done a year ago as December is the Reception entry cut off?

Ihavewelliesbuttheyrenotgreen · 10/05/2011 12:20

Continuim you are right Alpha is not the only way to Christianity. I did say this in my posts. On the Philosophy/religion/spirituality topics there are some posters who have explored there faith in particular through the Alpha course but also through going to Church and have become Christians. I thought it might be interesting for the OP to go over there and ask questions and hear their stories. For example there is a thread at the moment about a mumsnetter who has recently become a Christian and is getting baptised.

CheeseAndBunion · 10/05/2011 12:22

Yes, but as the OP's son is now not starting in September but instead remaining in nursery school then any changes to her situation (a move to be further within catchment, a baptism that suddenly bumps you up a category on their selection criteria) could affect how high you are on the waiting list. I clearly have no idea whether this is the case with the OP and I have no doubt she will tell me it's not, but I know several parents round here who didn't get their school of choice and are doing something similair.

Maybe if the OP had told us why it is specifically a Christening that's important rather than any of the other options that would allow her to celebrate her child's Godparents without their faith or lack of it being important then I'd be a little less cynical.

To be fair to the OP though her original question was purely whether it was OK to lie and so in answer to that, no it's not and to do so would be very unreasonable.

Ihavewelliesbuttheyrenotgreen · 10/05/2011 12:22

*their not there

confuddledDOTcom · 10/05/2011 12:28

OK, that explains why I was confused. I only vaguely knew it was possible as my eldest is born quite late in the year and I remember someone joking about she doesn't have to do Reception, I hadn't actually retained that information.

Sarsaparilllla · 10/05/2011 13:30

I'm a god parernt to my best friend's son - I've never been christened and nobody asked me if I had - neither has she!!!

I know it was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay at the start of the thread but it's not a 'legal requirement' in the slightest Hmm

If anyone asks be honest, if that particualr vicar doesn't like it, find an other church who will do it

Sarsaparilllla · 10/05/2011 13:33

oh for the love of god, I can't type, sorry...

*parent
*particular
*another

onagar · 10/05/2011 13:45

If a christening is about ensuring that the child will be brought up in the ways of the church then it is completely appropriate and almost poetic to have it start with a lie.

ilovemyhens · 10/05/2011 13:50

Shock onagar

That's cynical. It's not all bad you know Grin

venusandmars · 10/05/2011 14:37

I started reading this with a firm view that the OP was BU (and I still think it is unreasonable to be untruthful), however I've been very disappointed by some of the posts - what happened to the loving, welcoming, forgiving, accepting community of the church?

The OP has been clear that she is not doing this to have a party or get her dcs into the right school.

However, the OP (I guess like many, many other people) finds it difficult to say exactly and preicsely what she does believe in. So what? Shouldn't a church be welcoming and supporting someone who would like to be part of their community, someone who wants to encourage thier children to be part of it (even if they can't define it for themsleves). Some of the posts seem to be advocating a level of exclusivity that is more likely to prevent people from being involved than to encourage them.

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 10/05/2011 15:02

I have already said i want my children to experience the childhood i had - knowing that they are baptised church of england and visit a CofE church and school throughout their childhood, we dont go to church no, like i said before my parents didnt go to church i was brought up to the saying by my mum
'If God exists why are so many people suffering in the world?' and to an extent i believed her, but then as i am now an adult with my OWN children i dont have that feeling as much no more. Part of me does, part of me doesnt.

In the last 6 years me and DH have had a hell of a rough ride with married life, being homeless, penniless etc etc NOW we are back on top of things and i said to DH the other month 'Gods looking down on us and giving US a break for once' and he agreed with me.

We then had a very very lengthy conversation about faith, different religions, what to believe, is there a god, isnt their a god and we both said 'Yeah we do believe their is a god but he isnt as great as what people make out to be, God is meant to protect you and look out for you and in return you respect that and look to him for guidance - but then it always comes back to what my mum said to me as a child - but why are people still suffering in gods hands?

ME and DH both and agreed with each other God created earth, God created everything - But yet god is also destroying the earth with
Earthquakes, tsunamis, tornados.

Does that make sense? There are a number of reasons why i would like my children baptised church of england and its our decision no one elses! All i asked was - would the church find out i lied about my godparents not been baptised? Not am i wrong for getting my children baptised.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 10/05/2011 15:07

As for the school - he is 5 in september he starts FULL TIME school at primary school then when he gets to Yr 4 he will attend a C Of E Middle school then when he gets to Yr 7 he will attend High School. Right now he is in primary school - non faith and he will leave there at the end of year 3. then onto a C Of E Middle school. My children will attend 4 schools (basically) instead of the normal 2 infant then secondary school.

So
Nursery
Fulltime primary school to yr 3
full time middle school to year 7
full time high school to year 11 - or 12 depending if they want to stay on at sixth form then onto college and hopefully University.

does that make that clear??

OP posts:
GloriaSmut · 10/05/2011 15:10

Of course the church will find out. The God of the Church of England is (allegedly) all-knowing and will tell your Vicar. And then you'll be in Real Big Trouble, like you'll burn in Hell and stuff. Isn't it?

stealthsquiggle · 10/05/2011 15:41

So - for those who think the OP is being unreasonable - if the church had not asked whether godparents are christened, would it be an issue whether they were or not? (Genuine and personal interest - I am a Godmother, was never asked whether or not I was christened at any stage - so either Godchild's parents said I was without asking me or no-one ever asked...)

Sarsaparilllla · 10/05/2011 16:00

I think the church probably asked the question when I was god parent, the answer given was no, I'm not, and they didnt stop me, I think it's a question they ask, not a requirement you have to answer 'correctly' to

VajazzHands · 10/05/2011 16:41

stealthsquiggle If the OP told the vicar the truth, that she is only christening the kids because she thinks its nice... Has no real conviction.. and that the "god"parents were not christened... then I would find it weird but not feel she was being unreasonable

Continuum · 10/05/2011 16:51

"All i asked was - would the church find out i lied about my godparents not been baptised?"

I can't answer this because I don't think being found out or not being found out is the barometer of whether a person should lie or not. In the end it's up to your own conscience.

Continuum · 10/05/2011 16:53

Ihavewelliesbuttheyrenotgreen I accept I was probably a bit harsh about Alpha, I know it works for some.

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