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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie about friends being christened so that i can have them as my childrens godparents?

213 replies

ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 22:08

I have booked my 2 boys Christening today for this year.

I have 6 people in line to be Godparents. My two best friends, 2 mutual Friends and a couple who babysat me as a young un and i babysat her boys when they were young.

BUT my two best friends are not christened and we dont think our mutual friends are either - waiting on replies from them.

I filled in the christening booking form today at the Church and when it asked about Godparents, i said No and ? to the ones that we dont know about and are sure they havent being christened?

AIBU to ring the church and tell them they have being christened or would they find out? The lady at church today said they check to see if godparents are christened - but my cousins who had their babies christened last year said 2 of their godparents (each) were not christened and the church never said anything or got back to them about it. I feel silly and stupid now for saying no and ? instead of YES

And to top it off everyone who i have told about the christening have commented on the date saying ''oh wont forget that date'' The christening is booked for September 11th :|

OP posts:
HellNoSayItAintSo · 09/05/2011 22:50

but you don't want to follow the rules of the church, or have an actual meaningful ceremony?

Fair-weather faith, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 22:51

Why don't you just take them to church? You don't have to go to a faith school in order to follow that faith Hmm

mummytime · 09/05/2011 22:51

I'd be surprised if they use the word Christened, they are much more likely to say Baptised, which you can be in any Christian denomination.

However why Christen a child unless you intend to raise them as a Christian? You will be lying all the way through the service otherwise (even if just to get them into a school),so why does one more lie worry you?

gemmummy · 09/05/2011 22:51

Ladies, I am leaving this debate now purely because I have work tomorrow, but will return tomorrow as I am very interested by the different view points presented.

LilyBolero · 09/05/2011 22:53

OP I think you're getting a rough ride here!

Fwiw, I think the church tends to be quite relaxed about this, they certainly won't check up, other than what you've put on your form. So given how you filled it in, they may come back to you. My advice would be that if you have 2 godparents who ARE christened, then ask the church (if they're bothered) to regard the other godparents as witnesses/sponsors or something like that. The practicalities are the same, and your friends don't even need to know there is a different basis, but that would mean you'd kept to the letter of the law as far as the church goes.

I tend to think that I know some non-christened people who are wonderful role models, amazing people and who would be fantastic god-parents. I also know some baptised so-called Christians who are vindictive, malicious and spiteful. As such, I think a decision your parents made for you when you were a baby isn't really the best basis to choose god-parents! But if the church is bothered, just make sure a couple of them are christened, and call the others witnesses or something.

Primlico · 09/05/2011 22:55

It depends on if you believe in god or not. If not, and you are simply having a ceremony to confirm guardians the a quick lie to the administration is not really an issue. However, if you are a believer then you may find the book "God is Not Great" by Christopher Hitchens will help you to clarify the actions you should take.

jobrien1980 · 09/05/2011 22:56

"Also, it's c of e which generally does christenings. Other denominations, Methodist etc, dedicate but do not christen. Yet are just as much a part of practicing Christianity as Anglican"

No. I'm not sure where the idea that only the C of E does christenings comes from? Christening is just another term for the baptism of young children and is practised by almost all Christian denominations (including Methodists). Baptists are the exception, as they feel that baptism should take place later in life when the person can decide for themselves, although there are some lay people who feel the same in non-Baptist denominations and might opt out of infant baptism. Just about every Christian tradition would say that baptism is an important part of being a Christian...they just differ on when it should take place. In my experience it would be pretty unusual for a practising Christian not to have been baptised at some point in life and any church they belonged to would actively encourage them to get it done if it hadn't happened already.

I don't think there's any point in baptising your children if you don't intend raising them as Christians to be honest. Sorry if this offends.

ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 22:56

ha, ha, I can see it now. You're one of those irritating people who are desperate to get their kids into a faith school to get a decent education then start complaining about all the religion that's shoved down their throats when they get there!

How are you going to cope when your dcs come home asking questions you have no intention of ever answering because it's not the faith you're after, just good SATS results?

BlueyDragon · 09/05/2011 22:56

In C of E it's up to the vicar performing the ceremony as to whether or not godparents must be christened/baptised. For both my DCs the vicar (different one each time) welcomed those of the godparents who were not baptised on the basis that getting anyone into a church was a positive thing.

So I'd check with the church - the vicar may not mind. If he/she minds, the christened ones can participate as godparents and you can then appoint the sponsors (not godparents) at the party afterwards. Surely there's something wrong if you're thinking of lying to the vicar when you want them to perform a baptism where, amongst other things, you have to renounce sin? And if you don't have enough faith yourself for that to bother you, why are you having them christened in the first place? I'm not being aggressive, genuinely asking the question.

You might also want to check with the prospective godparents about how they feel at making the commitments that christening/baptism requires of them - they may not want to participate in church anyway as the commitments are very public. Again we have some non-believer godparents for DCs but checked with them how they felt about it and they all took the view that it was ok as their commitment was to reinforce/support ours.

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 22:56

Actually no because the C Of E school round here accepts children christened or not so not a reason.

OP posts:
mangle · 09/05/2011 22:57

You want to do it to get them into a CofE school?

Now, the truth comes out.

That's a bit harsh. She didn't say I want them to go to a c of e school because the school has an excellent reputation..... The op wants them to attend a faith school because she feels she benefited from it as a child. I attended a catholic school and now my kids do. I don't go to church as regularly as I should but I believe that a faith school can help children to understand morals and guide them.

jobrien1980 · 09/05/2011 22:58

"you may find the book "God is Not Great" by Christopher Hitchens will help you to clarify the actions you should take"

No really...sorry but its pants. I swear he only churned out that book to make 'The God Delusion' look calm, impartial and well-reasoned by comparison.

RatherBe · 09/05/2011 22:59

OP - you mention 'our belief that this is best for our children'. Is it best for your children to be christened if you, as you have said, are not sure what you believe?

Spidermama · 09/05/2011 22:59

I think there are plenty of nuances in how different people would describe thier idea of the role and significance of God parents. Good luck to you ImChanging. You seem to be finding your own spiritual path.

Choose who you like for God parents BUT don't lie. Lies are always bad and gets in the way of your journey to know yourself better.

Ihavewelliesbuttheyrenotgreen · 09/05/2011 23:00

OP it seems as if you are not sure about faith and Christianity. It seems that some aspects appeal to you and there are some aspects you believe, like the answer to prayer you mentioned. Perhaps you should go to an Alpha or Christianity explored course to explore your faith more. Or just approach a vicar/minister at a local Church they should be happy to help you and answer your questions, if not try another Church.

In the meantime I think you should have a naming ceremony or blessing or thanksgiving ceremony. I don't think that your intentions are bad but I think if you lie and have you're children baptized into something you don't fully believe in you are making a mockery of baptism. Also get the intended Godparents named in your will if you would like them to be guardians.

Spidermama · 09/05/2011 23:00

'get' in the way not 'gets'.

Spidermama · 09/05/2011 23:02

I agree that lying would make a mockery of baptism and would be somewhat disrespectful.

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 23:05

ilovemyhens Mon 09-May-11 22:56:33

ha, ha, I can see it now. You're one of those irritating people who are desperate to get their kids into a faith school to get a decent education then start complaining about all the religion that's shoved down their throats when they get there!

How are you going to cope when your dcs come home asking questions you have no intention of ever answering because it's not the faith you're after, just good SATS results?
-----------------

You know nothing of me. Where did i say 'Desperate' above? I said i am not desperate because the school in the catchment area is a C Of E school that allows non baptised and baptised children, so if you scroll up abit then you'd see where i said it?

Mange
Thank you

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 09/05/2011 23:05

Is it a bad thing not having children christened? I never gave it a thought when my children were babies. Both my dudes are Athiests.

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 23:07

Blush Sorry i meant

I did not say i was desperate because of the school.

OP posts:
ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 23:07

I know the type Wink

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 23:08

ilovemyhens

I know the type

You maybe do but that is not me

OP posts:
mrswarthog · 09/05/2011 23:08

Am so tired of this - our priest actually highlights obvious 'need to get them in church school' christenings that he makes a point of saying 'oh you'll need the certificates, so hang around when we finished'.

At what point op do you think that YANBU? Am a little sad.

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 23:09

mrswarthog
again if you read above you will see i am not doing this for the school. The school accepts both baptised and non baptised children.

OP posts:
KD0706 · 09/05/2011 23:10

Well OP if you're not getting your dc baptised for school entry why are you doing it? You've said not for the party. But presumably not for religious reasons as you're not sure what you believe...

I really think you should hold off till you can make the relevant promises and mean them

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