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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie about friends being christened so that i can have them as my childrens godparents?

213 replies

ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 22:08

I have booked my 2 boys Christening today for this year.

I have 6 people in line to be Godparents. My two best friends, 2 mutual Friends and a couple who babysat me as a young un and i babysat her boys when they were young.

BUT my two best friends are not christened and we dont think our mutual friends are either - waiting on replies from them.

I filled in the christening booking form today at the Church and when it asked about Godparents, i said No and ? to the ones that we dont know about and are sure they havent being christened?

AIBU to ring the church and tell them they have being christened or would they find out? The lady at church today said they check to see if godparents are christened - but my cousins who had their babies christened last year said 2 of their godparents (each) were not christened and the church never said anything or got back to them about it. I feel silly and stupid now for saying no and ? instead of YES

And to top it off everyone who i have told about the christening have commented on the date saying ''oh wont forget that date'' The christening is booked for September 11th :|

OP posts:
ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 23:40

What I think you need to do is accept that, however much you love these people, they are not suitable to be Godparents. There is no getting around it, by lies or otherwise.

Have a naming ceremony, party whatever. Enrol your dcs in the local CofE school and explore your own beliefs.

If you do decide to embrace Christianity and you want your dcs to be baptised in the future, then choose someone from Church to do it, but please don't set off down this meaningless path that you seem intent on. You will know the truth during the ceremony and will just feel lousy and a fake.

ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 23:41

Wedding Crowd and Funeral Crowd too.

Hatch, match and dispatch! Good 'Ole CofE (Christmas and Easter Wink)

manticlimactic · 09/05/2011 23:45

Sorry if I'm being a bit dense but your parents sent you to a CofE school (presuming you got christened?) but didn't go to church themselves.

Perhaps they were of the same thinking as you and sent their children to the faith school for the same reasons you are sending your DCs and weren't just ignorant. Do you not go to weddings/christenings at church at all?

If you're agnostic why have the christening in the first place if the school accepts entrants from non CofE. I'm puzzled.

ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 23:46

The CofE are even changing the wording of their Baptism service to make it more 'people friendly'. They're removing the words Devil, Sin and Evil.

So, it will now be something like:

"Do you promise to send this child a card and an acceptable present each Birthday?"

"We do"

"Do you promise to buy this child Easter Eggs and help to decorate the Christmas tree in their house every December?"

"We do"

"Will you babysit for the parents when they want to go out and celebrate their wedding/civil partnership anniversary each year?"

"Great, then off you go and don't forget to come back soon, we have free tea and cakes in the Parish Centre after the service!"

GypsyMoth · 09/05/2011 23:48

i actually think you should go ahead

you sound like the sort of person who would go along to church run toddler groups and fetes. and how about cristingle service at christmas??

a part time church goer is better than nothing. with dwindling congregations,every person counts. the church needs support in this age. not many attend anymore

just DONT sign up for the flower arranging register or offer to bake anything!! once they have their claws in you.......Grin

amistillsexy · 09/05/2011 23:48

I agree with ilovemyhens.

One thought though, since the people you have chosen are Christian, but were not baptised, would they not like to confirm their own faith in a ceremony at their own church? Then they would be able to be Godparents for you. I'm sure there is no reason why they could not, given that you have booked your baptism for September. They have plenty of time!

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 23:49

I do go to weddings and funerals yes - why is that an issue for me here?

OP posts:
ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 23:50

just so you know I'm not making it up

ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 23:53

hey, steady on amistillsexy, they'll all be raving Christians by the end of the year Grin

Now, that would make Christmas worth celebrating! Grin

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 23:54

tillytulip
I actually asked at the church about opening a mother and toddler group for round here as there is only one and its just for babies. Not toddlers or a group for mums to meet. I had a meeting booked in, considering i could get a good group but people kept letting me down so i cancelled the meeting and gave those reasons they said that i could always go back if i changed my mind and got more people. I fell pregnant then and forgot about it all, then when DS2 was born i was looking into it again when i got a PND group set up by the health visitors at the local sure start centre but its no longer running as HV were not mentioning the group and people stopped going :(. I then found out there was a new group running at a community centre/art centre type of thing in town for children from birth onwards. I do go to this group but not as often due to school.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 23:55

Like i said before to ilovehens no one knows anything of me.

OP posts:
AnnieBesant · 09/05/2011 23:55

I like a baptism, whatever the motivation. A cause for celebration in my church!

I never had to provide any documentary evidence that my DC's godparents were Catholic ( a requirement for one of them) or baptised themselves (a requirement for all).

GypsyMoth · 09/05/2011 23:56

you could see if the sunday school needs help?? or offer to start one?

ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 23:57

Yeah, we do. You've posted plenty about yourself. We have some insight. Unless what you posted was untrue or you're hiding something fundamental.

Go on, just commit to going to church from now on. You know you want to Wink Give yourself a reason to have your dcs baptised. It's much more fun if you're a believer you know.

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 23:58

One day i hope to do that ilovemyhens but right now im not sure i want to take that step. When my children start to ask questions will more than likely be the time to start.

OP posts:
amistillsexy · 10/05/2011 00:01

But, I'mChanging, the issue here is whether or not you would be unreasonable to lie about your friends being baptised.

The answer has to be "yes, of course you would. You can't lie to God !"

Why not just get your DCs baptised with people who are Christians as their Godparents?

ilovemyhens · 10/05/2011 00:01

If you're not sure you want to take that step right now then you're not ready to take the step of having them baptised. The baptism ceremony requires you to make promises in Church, to God, in front of the congregation, and if you aren't sincere and believe in rejecting evil, the devil and embracing Christ then you're making a mockery of it.

Think about it and examine your conscience.

If you're not ready, then your children won't be ready. It's like expecting a cart to run along on its own, without the horse.

ilovemyhens · 10/05/2011 00:04

I'm off to bed. I feel like I'm talking to myself.

If you continue with this 'Christening' then our words will be ringing in your ears during the service. Your heart will quicken and guilt will come raining down on you and you will have done it to yourself.

amistillsexy · 10/05/2011 00:07

ilove, I've just re-read the OP, and I'm not sure she's thinking about guilt at all. She seems only to be concerned about wheter or not she will get found out Sad .

AIBU to ring the church and tell them they have being christened or would they find out?

lori88 · 10/05/2011 01:01

i'mchangingmynametodaddy- if you really,really want these people as godparents, then go for it. if the church pull's you up on it though, i don't know how you could work round it... i hope it works out for you though... best of luck :) :) :)

lurkerspeaks · 10/05/2011 01:17

I think you are very misguided and being extremely insulting to practising christians. In addition you seem to have very little idea about what Godparents actually do. In modern day Britian they have very little legal significance and you can easily appoint friends to be your children's legal guardian when you write your will.

I was brought up in a Christian tradition and have a great deal of respect for the faith. However, I personally don't have it. Therefore I have refused to become a Godparent when I have been asked despite being Christened and confirmed.

Instead I'm a 'non-godparent' and attended the Christenings but took no part in the service bar being present. However, for one child, I will become their legal guardian in the event of something untoward happening to their parents. This was acheived by their parents writing a will and did not require anyone to make a mockery of a formal ceremony which has great significance to many.

I have no doubt that despite my lack of faith I will be a stable, non parental influence on my non-godchildren when they are older. Yet neither I nor their parents had to lie to acheive this.

Your initial posting has made me very very uneasy.

YABVU.

worraliberty · 10/05/2011 01:52

Why don't you get their foreskins hacked off while you're at it OP...then you can have another meaningless religious party a few years down the line......

Thruaglassdarkly · 10/05/2011 02:18

I don't believe in christening children tbh. I dedicated mine and promised to bring them up as Christians etc etc, but at the end of the day, they have to make that decision for themselves and own it via baptism as per the Bible. Infant baptism is unscriptual. Why do it?

VajazzHands · 10/05/2011 02:37

If you do not belive in god and are not a christian YABU to have you kids christened.

You dont need a ceremony to ask your friends to help you with your children's upbringing. Unless you are just in it for the gifts and attention. Which seems to be the thing really.

VajazzHands · 10/05/2011 02:42

Oh and I think starting off with a lie is not a good way to welcome babies in to the world

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