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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie about friends being christened so that i can have them as my childrens godparents?

213 replies

ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 22:08

I have booked my 2 boys Christening today for this year.

I have 6 people in line to be Godparents. My two best friends, 2 mutual Friends and a couple who babysat me as a young un and i babysat her boys when they were young.

BUT my two best friends are not christened and we dont think our mutual friends are either - waiting on replies from them.

I filled in the christening booking form today at the Church and when it asked about Godparents, i said No and ? to the ones that we dont know about and are sure they havent being christened?

AIBU to ring the church and tell them they have being christened or would they find out? The lady at church today said they check to see if godparents are christened - but my cousins who had their babies christened last year said 2 of their godparents (each) were not christened and the church never said anything or got back to them about it. I feel silly and stupid now for saying no and ? instead of YES

And to top it off everyone who i have told about the christening have commented on the date saying ''oh wont forget that date'' The christening is booked for September 11th :|

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 09/05/2011 23:10

I think you and your friends should attempt to fully comprehend and commit to the Christian faith before you start having christenings. If you want a party have one, just don't treat Christianity with implicit contempt in order to provide your escuse for having said party.

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 23:12

Did you read about my childhood? school? church?......no thought so Hmm

and i also dont want a party.

OP posts:
ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 23:12

If that's not you then why don't you make the committment and find out what Christianity is all about then, instead of hanging around the fringes playing pretend and hoping your dcs will be able to sing All Things Bright and Beautiful during assembly?

Children do not learn faith from school. They learn it in the home first and foremost.

KD0706 · 09/05/2011 23:13

Yes I did. But you've said your dc can go to the school without being christened. They can also attend church without being christened (as I did till I was five). You don't need to lie in church to give your dc those things

ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 23:14

I will ask again.

Why are you having your dcs baptised?

Why? What is the reason if you are not a Christian?

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 23:14

Yes i know that and when they start asking questions i will teach them what i was taught at school, i sat GCSE Religious Education and got a C/D so i'm not thick, i own a bible and i keep it in my bedside cabinet.

And if you must know i held it today and said a small prayer this morning for reasons i will not be going into on here!

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 09/05/2011 23:15

Anyway, so what if she is (which she has said she isn't) just to get them into a good school which is funded in the majority by the state, not the church!

So what?

MercurySoccer · 09/05/2011 23:16

Why don't you have an open and frank discussion with the vicar who would be organising the service? Tell them everything you've told us and see what they say. They may be only too happy to go ahead anyway, perhaps with a dedication service if you or the potential godparents feel happier with that option. After all, no-one wants to scare you away from church, but to help you in your own understanding of faith and church and what these mean to you/your family.

vintageteacups · 09/05/2011 23:16

Whilst I am a Godparent to one of my nephews (I hadn't then admitted to anyone I didn't believe in God), I wouldn't feel comfortable now in agreeing to be a godparent for any one else.

If these people don't believe in God, they might not agree to it anyway.

ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 23:17

You want to recreate some pleasant aspects of your childhood spent at a faith school, for your children?

You witnessed your parents attitude towards Church and decided it was wrong of them to do that?

You don't want a party?

Fine, but why have them baptised?

Baptism isn't going to give them magical powers, save them from hell, get them a decent job when they leave school?

It doesn't do any of these things.

KD0706 · 09/05/2011 23:17

Well OP you obviously feel strongly about it, so I will depart the thread and off to bed.
I hope you do have genuine reasons and that when you make the promises in September you mean them.

God bless.

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 23:17

Does it make it any better that my children are aged 3 and 4 years old and are very coherent and can both speak for themselves too. They are not babies.

OP posts:
Dozer · 09/05/2011 23:18

I was not christened and have recently been a "sponsor" for two little ones and involved in their christenings, it is not a godparent but something the CofE has for people from other (or no) religions to be involved. Stood at the font but didn't have to say the religious vows unless we chose to.

Primlico · 09/05/2011 23:19

To Jobrien: Agreed that Hitchen's book is more forthright than Dawkins' but it's hardly "pants" it makes a good case about the dangers of myopically perpetuating religious indoctrination and is a witty read.

Ihavewelliesbuttheyrenotgreen · 09/05/2011 23:20

I think some of you are being quite unfair to the OP.

She hasn't said that she wants a party, in fact she has said that she specifically isn't getting her children baptised for this reason. We should respect this.

It isn't about getting into a good school.

The OP says that she felt the Christian experiences she had at a C of E school were beneficial to her and positive and she wants her children to experience this (correct me if I'm wrong OP).

People experience God in different ways and I think that the OP experienced God in some way during her childhood and wants her children to experience the same (again correct me if I'm wrong)

Again OP I would explore your faith further but not get your DC baptised at this stage.

lori88 · 09/05/2011 23:20

i haven't read previous replies, i'm responding purely to the op here.

i am not religious in any way, shape, or form. i haven't been christened or baptised at all. neither has my mum, & my son hasn't, & he won't be either.

i have been a god mother to a relatives child. of all the other godparents, only one was actually baptised in the same religion. the chapel never queried it. the mother wasn't catholic, the father was but not practising. the mum wanted the (3)kids done because of allegiance to her football team Hmm
my other relative (1st ones sister) got her child baptised the same day for the same reason (and because her sister done it- despite the child already being christened non-denomination christian)

so i think it depends on the individual church/chapel/whatever.

are you really religious? if you are, it might be better to pick other godparents who practise the same religion as you :)

mrswarthog · 09/05/2011 23:20

My dh is unchristened & quite happily atheist. I'm a cradle (irish) catholic. DC'S godparents are catholic, anglican, Greek orthodox & Methodist. Their future guardians should anything happen are mixed Christian, Jewish & atheist. You can't ask AIBU, then get huffy.

ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 23:21

A 3/4 year old isn't going to be able to understand what Christianity is or what a baptism is for Hmm

I think you need to go away, think this over, try examining your own faith/alpha course/go to church etc. before you take this any further.

I am genuinely sorry that I have been so harsh with you, but I have been personally affected by the 'Christening Crowd' in my old CofE church and I found it very offensive, depressing and, at times, upsetting.

I hope you find your way.

verysomething · 09/05/2011 23:22

Am feeling for the OP who is really copping some nasty posts from people who are not doing the Christian cause any favours by being so scathing. Feel they could be a little more gentle in tone.

I think it's best not to lie to the church about your proposed godparents; but I think you'll find most vicars are pretty understanding people. Don't fret about it too much, it should be acknowledged that being a godparent is a cultural construct in people's lives as well as a religious one. Many paths to God etc.

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 23:23

ihavewellies
you are correct on both occasions.

Lori88
i have thought and thought about who i want since first finding out pregnancy with DS1 4 and half years ago and it always boils down to these chosen people, they mean so much to us.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 09/05/2011 23:32

do they want to do the godparent thing too though....all very well knowing what YOU want,its up to them though

few weeks ago a poster here was moaning that the godparents werent up to scratch with present buying,and that was the reason they had been chosen,to buy gifts!!!!!!

hope you dont have high expectations,not everyone is into all this you know

amistillsexy · 09/05/2011 23:32

But, I'mChanging, you must see that to start off your child's journey in Faith with a lie, which all those promising to bring them up in Faith are colluding with, is simply wrong? Confused

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 23:35

Tillytulip
Yes they all do. There first words to us were 'but im not christened' The other 2 said 'well im christened' and the other two only asked tonight

OP posts:
Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 23:35

about them if they are baptised or not.

OP posts:
Dozer · 09/05/2011 23:39

LOL at "the christening crowd". Are there also a wedding crowd and funeral crowd?

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