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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie about friends being christened so that i can have them as my childrens godparents?

213 replies

ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 22:08

I have booked my 2 boys Christening today for this year.

I have 6 people in line to be Godparents. My two best friends, 2 mutual Friends and a couple who babysat me as a young un and i babysat her boys when they were young.

BUT my two best friends are not christened and we dont think our mutual friends are either - waiting on replies from them.

I filled in the christening booking form today at the Church and when it asked about Godparents, i said No and ? to the ones that we dont know about and are sure they havent being christened?

AIBU to ring the church and tell them they have being christened or would they find out? The lady at church today said they check to see if godparents are christened - but my cousins who had their babies christened last year said 2 of their godparents (each) were not christened and the church never said anything or got back to them about it. I feel silly and stupid now for saying no and ? instead of YES

And to top it off everyone who i have told about the christening have commented on the date saying ''oh wont forget that date'' The christening is booked for September 11th :|

OP posts:
sickoftheholidays · 09/05/2011 22:28

Part of the baptism service is asking the godparents if they will support encourage and nurture the childs faith as it grows, how can they do that if they are not practising christians? I think you need to ask yourself why you have chosen these people as godparents if they are not qualified to take on that role.

If you arent all that fussed about your child being brought up in faith, then YABU to be even considering having them baptised. Its a commitment to the church and the christian faith, and if you have no intention of keeping it, you shouldnt be making it. if this is the case, have a naming ceremony or ask the local priest/vicar to do a blessing rather than a baptism.

If you are truly christian, follow Christs teachings and want your children baptised and brought up in faith, then yes, its very important that the godparents you choose are also baptised and are practising christians. To lie about this would be against your faith, so you wouldnt even be considering it. I think that the classes are an excellent idea.

Sorry, I just have a bee in my bonnet about people who turn up to church for 4 weeks before kids are baptised and are never seen again. The church and Christs blessing should be open and available to all, but baptism is a sacrament and shouldnt be taken lightly as it seems to be by so many people today.

KD0706 · 09/05/2011 22:30

Well said sickoftheholidays Smile

Shakirasma · 09/05/2011 22:31

Gemmummy. When you stand in church as a godparent, you are promising in front of everybody that you will help to raise and guide that child in the Christian faith. The issue of guardianship is totally different. The fact you are GP means naff all unless you are named in the parents will.

I am Christian, my DH is not. He thinks he believes but is not sure. The people who will raise our kids are named in our will. They are atheist. This is why we did not have our kids christened. Why would I have them stand in my church promising to raise my kids as Christians when they would not?

People who do make a mockery of the whole thing. It's just an excuse to dress up and have a party. It's an insult to the church

MercurySoccer · 09/05/2011 22:32

Do you really want to take part in a Christening service knowing that you have lied to make it happen?

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 09/05/2011 22:34

Have you thought about a Thanksgiving for the gift of a child service instead?

ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 22:35

Why do you want them to be 'christened'?

Your friends can still be there for your dcs, but why go to a church and insult the Christians there by pretending to believe that you're a follower of Christ?

One of the reasons I left the CofE was because of people like you. We'd all have to sit there in the congregation during the 'christenings' on a Sunday morning and we'd all watch everyone playing pretend - pretending to believe all the words and their meanings - but they'd only be interested in the pretty ceremony, the dresses, the photos and the booze up afterwards Hmm One of these delightful families even had and audacity to keep glaring at me and ds1 because he was making a bit of noise at the back of church Sad He has special needs btw.

Bloody hypocrites.

I've returned to the Catholic church now. At least they have some standards.

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 22:35

TBH i am an Agnostic, i dont know what to believe, i went to a C Of E primary school and went to to church twice a week with school. And i enjoyed it when i was younger but growing up and not going to faith schools after primary made me forget about how i enjoyed it. iykwim?

OP posts:
HellNoSayItAintSo · 09/05/2011 22:36

You haven't mentioned faith, religion, church....you get theres the word god in god-parents, right? Hmm

Honestly, I despair.

mrswarthog · 09/05/2011 22:37

Bit odd, are you christening for school entry by any chance? If you like the rules join the club, otherwise introduce your children in another way. You can't start their religious life by lying, (and lying by omission counts btw). Also have recently been to a Methodist christening so I think that some parts of protestant community do have christenings not just Anglicans.

ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 22:37

keep trying to convince yourself that you're doing the right thing.

meditrina · 09/05/2011 22:37

Being a Godparent doesn't confer any expectation that that person would care for the child if the parents died. You need to appoint guardians in your Will to provide for that.

Baptismal status of Godparents is at the priest's discretion. If yours requires baptised Godparents (which is not by any means an unusual stipulation) then you need either different Godparents, or a different parish and priest. The Godparents will be making vows before God, and lying to the celebrant ahead of the service isn't a good start point for that.

LeonardNimoy · 09/05/2011 22:38

Do this instead: www.humanism.org.uk/ceremonies/humanist-namings

ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 22:40

You're an agnostic and you're having your dcs baptised? Do you realise that you have to promise to raise your children in the way of Christ during the ceremony?

KD0706 · 09/05/2011 22:40

Tbh OP if you don't know what you believe, then can you really promise to raise your DSs as Christians?
My mum was unsure about her faith when I was born and as a result I wasn't baptised till I was five, because by then she had worked out what she believed and how she wanted to raise us.

Why not hold off on the christening/baptism till you're sure about it, rather than making promises you dont really intend keeping?

GloriaSmut · 09/05/2011 22:40

YABU. It sounds to me as if you are more interested in the event than in the significance of it. Certainly you don't start lying, ffs, at the very point you plan to stand in church and make vows before whichever God you plan to pretend to believe in on the day.

I'm not a Christian, admittedly, and for that very reason politely turned down the request I had to be a godparent. I also agree that godparents don't necessarily need to have been christened since plenty of people make their minds up about religion later in life. But for all that, this is supposed to be a meaningful ceremony, not one based on falsehoods.

Why not have a naming ceremony instead?

ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 22:40

Do you know who Christ is? Do you know what it is to be a follower of Christ?

razzlebathbone · 09/05/2011 22:41

OP, you and the Godparents lying to take part in something which appears to have very little in common with your own definition of a Godparent is wrong. People like you make a mockery of other people's faith.

RatherBe · 09/05/2011 22:41

OP, if you don't know what to believe why would you want to promise to raise your children in a particular faith? You can have a naming day now and then, if at a later stage you decide your belief is such that it is meaningful for you to have your children christened, you can do it then. As Shakirsma said, a godparent is not a legal guardian. You could appoint guardians who could then have a role at the naming ceremony and they may or may not be the same people that you pick as godparents if you get the children christened later.

moominmarvellous · 09/05/2011 22:42

My DD has 2 Godmothers, both Catholic and one Godfather who isn't. We were told that at least one godparent needed to be Catholic.

Also, my niece is one of the godmothers and she was 15 at the time, the priest said she couldn't be a godmother as she was under 16, but could still stand with us as a witness and as far as i'm concerned she is still a godmother - so perhaps your priest would agree to something similar?

I am Catholic but feel similar to Gemmummy in that at least part of the godparent role is about life guidance - you don't have to be Religious to set a good example.

LeonardNimoy · 09/05/2011 22:43

I was christened (in a Methodist church) but would not be a god parent because I don't believe, therefore can't make the vows god parent has to make. God parents have absolutely nothing to do with who looks after the children if the parents die, OP.

gemmummy · 09/05/2011 22:46

Shakirasma I think the one subtle difference (and perhaps in my defence a little, so go easy on me) is that my godchilds family are practicing Catholics, and I am happy to guide and raise my godson in his parents faith as best I can (with much reference to other catholic friends for advice). It was so important to my godsons parents that I was part of it (and important to me too, but for my own more humanist beliefs)

Original poster
ImChangingMyNameToDaddy · 09/05/2011 22:46

I want my children to go to a C Of E school so they will have the childhood i had, going to church with school through their childhood - that way when they are older enough to understand faith and religion more, then they can choose their own ways. I had ignorant parents who wouldn't go to church unless it was for weddings/funerals/baptisms.

Although we did go once to church to pray for a boy i went to school with who had been injured horrifically by a yob in a car park whilst out shopping with his parents, he was in a coma and Drs wanted to turn off his lie support machine on the sunday before the pray, everyone from the town who knew him or who wanted to pray for him went that night and the next morning he woke up :) I believe it was because of that pray.

So im not doing it for the piss up or the photos i'm doing it for my own children. I want our friends there to support us in our belief that this is the best for our children. Plus then the children will know that they always have their 'Godparents' for advice aswell as us

OP posts:
GloriaSmut · 09/05/2011 22:46

PS. It might have helped if you'd cluttered your head with any knowledge of the role of godparents too. They are not guardians - unless you name them as such in your will. So they have no responsibility to bring up your children but are expected to contribute to their spiritual welfare.

ilovemyhens · 09/05/2011 22:50

You want to do it to get them into a CofE school? Hmm

Now, the truth comes out.

GloriaSmut · 09/05/2011 22:50

Yes, and it only took 2 pages!!!