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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go round to my ex husbands house and rip his tiny head off?

235 replies

unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:17

I need to vent about this before I boil over - may be long sorry.

DD has asthma, it has been bad for the last week or so unable to take her to the GP Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon due to bank hols and it wasn't that bad then.

ExDH and I have a very acrimonious split since he moved in with a really
controlling bitch unpleasant women, who the kids hate and who has caused row after row after row by totally dominating Ex, and basically stirring and meddling in issues to do with the kids that have nothing to do with her (I of course am "a pyscho" Hmm)

I work full time and have 3 DC, Ex has them every other weekend and 1 weeknight. Doesn't help if they or I are ill, no inset days, no school holidays, didn't take any time off when DS1 was in hospital with appendecitis and had to have two weeks off school (in fact was moaning in the hospital while I phoned around desparate for a bbsitter for our younger two when we were waiting for DS1 to have surgery that he "needed to get back as his OH had a meeting that night and he was supposed to be looking after her DC" Hmm didn't offer to take ours with him). Often refuses to have them if I have dared to suggest he is being a twat, takes holidays a few times a yr so doesn't have the kids. Arranges holidays without asking me and expects to be able to take the kids (term time), expects 6 weeks notice if I need to change arrangements, refuses to be flexible (my OH is in the navy).

I have had a really nasty fluey cold this week high temp etc, I have carried on going to work as DD also looked like she was coming down it and I didn't want to take time off for me in case I needed to for her to be off school. Due to work, clubs, me being ill and there being no appts at the drs I haven't been able to take her and she has a really nasty cough and I suspect chest infection so text ex asking if he can take her this weekend to the saturday clinic (as its his weekend). "No I won't have time".

Text him this morning saying please can you take her to the Drs after school today I recieve a text slagging me off for having a cat which DD is apparently allergic to although this hasn't been medically proven Hmm (which we had before she had asthma) and for not making her take her spray properly (she does) and if she was bad when he had her weds so why have I not taken her yet and he will try but he is really very busy.

Phone Drs at 2pm (earliest you can phone for an afternoon appt) got an appt for 4.40 - text ex to say please can you take her to this appt got a text back slagging me off for giving him such short notice (10 mins after the drs opened Hmm) and no he can't as he is too busy.

DD texted me at 4.50 saying they were playing at his in the garden (as they are not allowed inside when its sunny Hmm) and ex and his oh are in the kitchen.

Fucking cock.

Thanks - thats better.

OP posts:
RJRabbit · 06/05/2011 18:21

YANBU.

balia · 06/05/2011 18:25
Wine

Wordless punch to shoulder in totally non-girly manner.

Tidey · 06/05/2011 18:26

YANBU. Arsehat.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 18:27

YABU. As someone who has bad asthma and has 2 DDs with asthma I think you should have taken her to the GP earlier. She has asthma and a possible chest infection for the past week. I'm sure you could have found time to take her rather than leave it to your ex.

You need to separate the 2 issues. YANBU that your ex is an inflexible wanker but YABU to expect him to find the time to take her when you are her main carer and could have taken her earlier.

I'd have taken her to the walk in centre over the Bank Holiday rather than wait.

Also, it makes no difference that you had your cat before she had asthma. It actually makes it more likely to be the cat as you need to build up your exposure to the allergen before you become allergic. Try and push your GP into getting her allergy tested.

BooyHoo · 06/05/2011 18:27

havent read the thread yet but does 'tiny head' refer to what i think it refers to? Grin

Mummasmurf · 06/05/2011 18:28

He sounds like a knob. YANBU

worraliberty · 06/05/2011 18:28

YANBU overall but today is Friday, surely to goodness you could have taken her for an appointment on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday..or even today? Especially if you suspect she has a chest infection? Confused

I know your ex sounds like a total prick, but you are the one she lives with and how has most of the care...therefore YABU to think you can force an idiot into co-parenting.

I hope she's better soon and someone takes her to see about her chest!

cannydoit · 06/05/2011 18:28

machine gun, job done, then vodka.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:28

Yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:29

I have a quuadruple vodka Grin - she wasn't bad on the weekend - she was bad by Tues, by which time (I suspect due to the bank hols) I couldn't get her an appt...

OP posts:
worraliberty · 06/05/2011 18:29

Sarah worded what I was trying to say much better Blush

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:31

I have been at work I cannot just leave as I am in charge - when am I supposed to take her. I have had shit loads of time off due to holidays, inset days etc and COULD NOT get an appt....

OP posts:
Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:32

Yes to booyhoo I mean.

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 18:33

There is no way any responsible GP would refuse an emergency appointment for a child with asthma and a possible chest infection. If they do, you kick up a stink and insist.

That isn't your ex's fault, I would imagine he feels you've had all week to sort it out and are impinging upon his time with his DC.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:35

His "time" with his DC don't make me fucking laugh - he drags them round car boot sales every weekend which they hate (leaving them wondering around alone while he runs a stall) or locks them in the garden as they aren't allowed in if the weather is nice.

OP posts:
OnlyWantsOne · 06/05/2011 18:35

Hmmm. I can see both sides of this - but in OPs defence, both she and her ex are those children's parents and both should be responsible for their welfare. Saying she is the main care giver is a crock of shot exude for the father being too busy to take HIS daughter to the doctors if she needs to go - regardless of why she hasn't been taken by her mother.

OP your ex is a cock. You know this - that's why he is your ex. Im sorry but in my experience he won't change. The situation may vary in he future but will probably still end up him behaving the same way.

The problem is - your daughter is now at his house and is I'll, will he take her to see a dr if she needs to see one over the weekend?

OnlyWantsOne · 06/05/2011 18:36

Excuse
Ill

(damn auto correct iphone)

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:36

I didn't speak to the GP I spoke to the receptionist Hmm. Who said I have to ring back in the afternoon which I did and obtained an appointment.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 06/05/2011 18:37

But you could have taken her to a walk in centre if you couldn't get an appointment...or any out of hours place.

I'm not saying it's easy with your work and that, but you child's health/welfare has to be a top priority..even over your job.

It would be fantastic if you can rely on your ex, but clearly you can't. As you're the resident parent, I'm afraid the responsibility falls on your shoulders when no-one else will help.

OnlyWantsOne · 06/05/2011 18:38

Lol @ HIS TIME

what about Op's time?

Do parents that don't live with the kids full time only get to do th fun stuff then?

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 18:40

I'm in no way condoning his behaviour, but he has hours to take his DD to the GP whereas the OP has had days.

'DD has asthma, it has been bad for the last week or so unable to take her to the GP Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon due to bank hols and it wasn't that bad then.'

OP has had since last Friday to take her to a walk in centre. She rang on Tuesday and couldn't get an appointment, so either she would have had time to take her then or not. Sorry but if I was in her ex's position I would also be pissed off.

Child + Asthma + chest infection = you kick up a bloody great stink to get an appointment. Asthma is dangerous, seriously dangerous. People don't seem to realise that.

Glitterknickaz · 06/05/2011 18:40

YABU.
Unless you then shove that severed head up his arse.

Although you could have got her seen by somebody before now tbh. There's no good reason why he couldn't take her though.

amberleaf · 06/05/2011 18:40

"That isn't your ex's fault, I would imagine he feels you've had all week to sort it out and are impinging upon his time with his DC."

His time ?

So he gets time and the OP gets docs appts and school runs etc?

Load of bollox if you ask me, being a parent is being a parent it includes the mundane stuff like docs appts not just weekend 'jollies'

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:42

When could I have done that? My son had two weeks off school before half term (which I also had to take off).

When am I supposed to take her to a walk in centre>? What am I supposed to do with my other DC?

I was also ill with a temp of 40 degrees and exhuasted after working and looking after the kids was a bloody struggle this week tbhHmm

He knew this yet didn't even attempt to take her Weds - I attempted to get appts for her.

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 18:42

What I am trying to say is that he has less time than the OP. Ok so he's a shit father and doesn't use the time constructively with his DC, but she still has had far more opportunity to deal with this.

I don't for one minute mean he just gets the fun stuff, just that OP has had more physical time to sort this out.

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