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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go round to my ex husbands house and rip his tiny head off?

235 replies

unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:17

I need to vent about this before I boil over - may be long sorry.

DD has asthma, it has been bad for the last week or so unable to take her to the GP Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon due to bank hols and it wasn't that bad then.

ExDH and I have a very acrimonious split since he moved in with a really
controlling bitch unpleasant women, who the kids hate and who has caused row after row after row by totally dominating Ex, and basically stirring and meddling in issues to do with the kids that have nothing to do with her (I of course am "a pyscho" Hmm)

I work full time and have 3 DC, Ex has them every other weekend and 1 weeknight. Doesn't help if they or I are ill, no inset days, no school holidays, didn't take any time off when DS1 was in hospital with appendecitis and had to have two weeks off school (in fact was moaning in the hospital while I phoned around desparate for a bbsitter for our younger two when we were waiting for DS1 to have surgery that he "needed to get back as his OH had a meeting that night and he was supposed to be looking after her DC" Hmm didn't offer to take ours with him). Often refuses to have them if I have dared to suggest he is being a twat, takes holidays a few times a yr so doesn't have the kids. Arranges holidays without asking me and expects to be able to take the kids (term time), expects 6 weeks notice if I need to change arrangements, refuses to be flexible (my OH is in the navy).

I have had a really nasty fluey cold this week high temp etc, I have carried on going to work as DD also looked like she was coming down it and I didn't want to take time off for me in case I needed to for her to be off school. Due to work, clubs, me being ill and there being no appts at the drs I haven't been able to take her and she has a really nasty cough and I suspect chest infection so text ex asking if he can take her this weekend to the saturday clinic (as its his weekend). "No I won't have time".

Text him this morning saying please can you take her to the Drs after school today I recieve a text slagging me off for having a cat which DD is apparently allergic to although this hasn't been medically proven Hmm (which we had before she had asthma) and for not making her take her spray properly (she does) and if she was bad when he had her weds so why have I not taken her yet and he will try but he is really very busy.

Phone Drs at 2pm (earliest you can phone for an afternoon appt) got an appt for 4.40 - text ex to say please can you take her to this appt got a text back slagging me off for giving him such short notice (10 mins after the drs opened Hmm) and no he can't as he is too busy.

DD texted me at 4.50 saying they were playing at his in the garden (as they are not allowed inside when its sunny Hmm) and ex and his oh are in the kitchen.

Fucking cock.

Thanks - thats better.

OP posts:
Ormirian · 06/05/2011 20:57

Confused 'away from home' with her father!

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 20:58

Sarahstratton - Do you work for the police force?

itsabiggywhatdoidonow - jeez - sorry I forgot I should stay sober when I don't have my kids and they are with their other PARENt who can drive and is responsible for her while in HIS CARE.

I must remind him to stay sober when they are in my care too ........Hmm

OP posts:
ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls · 06/05/2011 20:58

If I go out for an evening and dh is home minding the dc's and have a drink, surely he at home not drinking is the one in charge anyway, might just be me but shouldn't the one with the children in their presence be the one to be doing the looking after.

Besides OP has already said that if she goes around OW will call the police - which frankly sounds daft but some people are like that..........

BeakerTheMuppetMuppet · 06/05/2011 21:02

and hides thread Hmm

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 21:02

Yeah. Asthma Police doncha know.

KittySpencer · 06/05/2011 21:03

Itsabiggy - what do you expect the OP to do? As said above, it's her Ex's weekend with the DC, she can't really go steaming in to collect her DD! And is she not allowed to have one drink?

DD was clearly ok to be at school - I know my DS has been sent home before for coughing too loudly and disturbing others Hmm so I do think if she'd seemed poorly in the week the school would surely have sent her home.

OP, I think the suggestion you might have been safer better off posting this in LP was prob right.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 21:04

OOOokay.

Your child is ill.

Your child should have been to the GPs today.
Your XH is a cunt and won't take her.
Your child has asthma which may result in a hospital admission.

Hmm shall I have a large vodka or 2? Hmm

ballstoit · 06/05/2011 21:05

YA both BU. Asthmatic DD with possible chest infection takes priority over everything...work, buying birthday presents and drinking vodka. She may well be able to speak a full sentence and not have blue lips tonight, but as her parents you are BOTH responsible for making sure she doesnt get that bad.

If you felt she needed to see a doctor today I'm not sure why you havent ensured she'd seen one in the 4 hours since yoou found out her dad didnt take her. Yes, he should have taken her, but he didnt. DD's health is far more important than scoring points surely?

compo · 06/05/2011 21:05

Add message | Report | Message poster itsabiggywhatdoidonow Fri 06-May-11 20:54:47
pissed off rather than pissed but im a bit you are now drinking when your dd is so unwell and away from home

what the hell?!

So you don't drink if you're home alone in case something happens?

itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 06/05/2011 21:05

Maybe just me then but I would drink anywhere, at home, out for the evening, wether single divorced or married if my child was unwell. id be more cautiouse if child was not home as it is harder to monitor them

saffy85 · 06/05/2011 21:06

"itsabiggywhatdoidonow - jeez - sorry I forgot I should stay sober when I don't have my kids and they are with their other PARENt who can drive and is responsible for her while in HIS CARE."

I was a bit Hmm and also Grin at that. Like you should stay sober when your DC are being taken care of by their father. I'm sure he always abstains from everything fun when you have your DC...

I don't get some of the condescending responses you've got. Sure hindsights a great thing but stuff like doctors appointments etc is often a case of winging it. I've done it before, thought "I'll see how she is later before I drag her down the doctors or phone in sick". Sometimes it works out ok, sometimes I'm left feeling like the crappest mum ever. [shrug] Good ole' parenthood.

itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 06/05/2011 21:07

would not drink if unwell, im at home every night on my own, i do drink some times never if they are ill though

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 21:08

Kitty I think part of the problem I am struggling with is the conflicting posts.

DD has been ill since last Friday with asthma.
OP has been trying to get GP appointment.
OP can't get appointment.
DD might have chest infection requiring antibiotics.
DD was well enough to go to school.

It's the drip feeding and changing of info that's getting to me. It's frustrating and impossible to work out just how badly she needs to see a GP, and therefore just how cuntish the XH is being by not taking her.

And it worries me because the DDs and I all have asthma and I know first hand just how serious it is. It's not point scoring. I am genuinely worried about the OP's DD.

DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 21:09
otisdriftwood · 06/05/2011 21:09

Sarahstratton...get her a mother of the year award.
The father has as much responsibility as the mother, it's not all about fun stuff.

DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 21:10

Those eye rolls were aimed at itsabiggie BTW

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 21:10

Its ok - I have a thick skin - I can detach this from reality.

Was just venting.

My kids mean the world to me, I do my best every day, maybe that wasn't so great this week as I felt like shit, maybe I should've badgered the doctors more than I did - maybe I should have left work and taken her myself.

I have done a lot of that lately though esp with DS1, and have cancelled loads of things becasue he won't have the kids.

I am worried about DD but she has been worse. If I was really worried (like when DS1 had a tummy ache and I "knew" it was something different and I got in the car there and then and drove him to hospital and he was operated on). If I felt it was really serious I would have done the same.

I just wanted the piece of mind that she had the antibiotics she needed while shes away from me.

I'm not perfect, but its never because I can't be bothered with my kids.

OP posts:
heliumballoons · 06/05/2011 21:11

I'm sorry but no-one is arguing the OP Ex is a twunt.

They are saying she is resident parent and is equally responsible. He's not done what he should but neither has she.

FFS I had DS at 15 months in hospital A&E, high temp, fitting and rash being tetsed for meningitis. Tried ring EX and also MIL for lift to hospital. Neighbour did it in the end (male) who couldn't believe what a knob EX was being. Got an earful about calling and refusal to have him the next day (he was fine) so I could work (abroad and didn't get sick pay). But NO they were flat hunting for EX - obviously a priority. Hmm He refused to take responsibility and help - what kind of mother would I have been to do the same??

I'm sorry but yes, if her DD needs medical care and her EX refuses to seek it then she should - with police intervention if needs be. And I would say the same if this was in LP. (I am one btw and don't agree with her - apart from the EX being a twat Grin)

heliumballoons · 06/05/2011 21:12

sorry x posts.

otisdriftwood · 06/05/2011 21:12

I don't think you are the awful mother certain people are trying to make you feel like.

Some people just get off on being arsey and sanctimonious

itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 06/05/2011 21:14

who cares if she phones the police i certainly wouldnt be put off, the whole point is op could and should have handled this differently for a far better and less stressful out come

itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 06/05/2011 21:15

Its ok - I have a thick skin - I can detach this from reality.

unfortunatly op your situation is reality

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 21:16

Erm - because I don't want to be arrested in front of my kids and stress out my DD when her asthma is bad?

OP posts:
Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 21:17

This here isn't reality.

My situation is -and I know all the key players and the things I haven't said and I know I am a good person.

OP posts:
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 21:17

Pack it in now yeah? You made your point and going on and on at the OP just makes you look like a bit of a bullying arse ole.