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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go round to my ex husbands house and rip his tiny head off?

235 replies

unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:17

I need to vent about this before I boil over - may be long sorry.

DD has asthma, it has been bad for the last week or so unable to take her to the GP Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon due to bank hols and it wasn't that bad then.

ExDH and I have a very acrimonious split since he moved in with a really
controlling bitch unpleasant women, who the kids hate and who has caused row after row after row by totally dominating Ex, and basically stirring and meddling in issues to do with the kids that have nothing to do with her (I of course am "a pyscho" Hmm)

I work full time and have 3 DC, Ex has them every other weekend and 1 weeknight. Doesn't help if they or I are ill, no inset days, no school holidays, didn't take any time off when DS1 was in hospital with appendecitis and had to have two weeks off school (in fact was moaning in the hospital while I phoned around desparate for a bbsitter for our younger two when we were waiting for DS1 to have surgery that he "needed to get back as his OH had a meeting that night and he was supposed to be looking after her DC" Hmm didn't offer to take ours with him). Often refuses to have them if I have dared to suggest he is being a twat, takes holidays a few times a yr so doesn't have the kids. Arranges holidays without asking me and expects to be able to take the kids (term time), expects 6 weeks notice if I need to change arrangements, refuses to be flexible (my OH is in the navy).

I have had a really nasty fluey cold this week high temp etc, I have carried on going to work as DD also looked like she was coming down it and I didn't want to take time off for me in case I needed to for her to be off school. Due to work, clubs, me being ill and there being no appts at the drs I haven't been able to take her and she has a really nasty cough and I suspect chest infection so text ex asking if he can take her this weekend to the saturday clinic (as its his weekend). "No I won't have time".

Text him this morning saying please can you take her to the Drs after school today I recieve a text slagging me off for having a cat which DD is apparently allergic to although this hasn't been medically proven Hmm (which we had before she had asthma) and for not making her take her spray properly (she does) and if she was bad when he had her weds so why have I not taken her yet and he will try but he is really very busy.

Phone Drs at 2pm (earliest you can phone for an afternoon appt) got an appt for 4.40 - text ex to say please can you take her to this appt got a text back slagging me off for giving him such short notice (10 mins after the drs opened Hmm) and no he can't as he is too busy.

DD texted me at 4.50 saying they were playing at his in the garden (as they are not allowed inside when its sunny Hmm) and ex and his oh are in the kitchen.

Fucking cock.

Thanks - thats better.

OP posts:
Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 20:09

I was joking Hmm

I think reminding me that asthma is a killer is below the belt.

I know it is.

OP posts:
compo · 06/05/2011 20:10

Feel sorry for you op

you now know you can't rely on him
and as embittering as it is you have to stop thnking he might help
as he plainly won't
what an idiot he sounds Sad

Dozer · 06/05/2011 20:11

Get rid of the cat!

FabbyChic · 06/05/2011 20:11

You still have a cat though which can irritate the condition, that's a bit selfish isn't it.

smokinaces · 06/05/2011 20:13

I have picked my children up from my ex at 5pm on a sunday before and had to drive them to the OOH as "we think he has an ear infection" and they havent thought to take him to the GPs themselves Hmm

However, I have to say you are BU. This isnt a sudden illness. You could (and should) have done OOH Tuesday/Wednesday or even last night. To leave her all week because your plans were too important to change, but to expect him to drop his isnt really on.

I know its hard taking the other kids with you, especially when you feel like shit yourself, but gut reaction is you should have taken your daughter before today.

However, that doesnt excuse him being a bit of a tosser.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 20:13

She isn't allergic to the cat.

We had two and one died last year and DD was devastated.

I hoover regually and the cat doesn't go into DD's bedroom.

Her dad doesn't have any pets and her asthma is no better at his.

OP posts:
clam · 06/05/2011 20:14

As far as I can see, the OP is painfully aware her DD needs a drs appointment and has been trying to get her one since it became apparent that her condition had worsened. The appointments suggested to her were for times when her ex had the kids. He refused to take her as "he was busy."
Yet she's flamed for being the bad parent??????

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 20:15

Can everyone listen clearly please. I wasn't worried until yesterday.

I am quite good at gauging when she needs to go the the GP as she is my daughter.

I got an appointment today.

OP posts:
magicmelons · 06/05/2011 20:15

If you know it is and your dd is now as you say "bad" and in need of the dr's why aren't you moving heaven and earth to make sure she gets seen the threat from OW calling police is a little ridiculous if you ask me, what do you think the police will do? Why would she feel she needed tghe police to intervene if you have never met?

Maybe there is a little more to this story, perhaps you just want to get your ex to take her to the gp to get him to take some responsibility for her but he feels your just telling him how to parent Confused

magicmelons · 06/05/2011 20:16

Why doesn't she go and take him clam

magicmelons · 06/05/2011 20:16

her, sorry.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 20:18

Wasn't me who said about children dying from asthma. I just firmly believe you should have taken your DD much earlier. Asthma that lasts for a week is not under control. She needs a referral to an asthma clinic and a meds review imo.

And you need to mind your manners a little bit. Currently you are sounding as unreasonable as your ex and if you turned up at mine behaving like this I would call the police too.

icooksocks · 06/05/2011 20:23

OP-your ex is clearly a twat. I'm with some of the others though-you should have gone to the docs earlier. If you couldnt get an appointment with the GP's then ring NHS direct and they will book her in with the out of hours docs (which in our case is at the local hosp)

clam · 06/05/2011 20:26

magicmelons - I'm sure she's willing to do that, although it appears the new woman will call the police if she turns up at the house!
And my question is this: why is the ex exempt from responsibility here? the child is staying with him, she needs to see a doctor, yet you say it's the OP who should deal with it? If he can't deal with such an issue, then maybe he's not fit to have contact.

Jemma1111 · 06/05/2011 20:27

Your ex and his oh sound like a right pair of selfish twats!

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 20:28

I didn't feel worried until yesterday - she wasn't bad enough to need the out of hours doctor last night I was confident she would be okay until today but was anxious she get antibiotics before the weekend - leaving it another 3 days.

I got an appointment for her today - exdh could have easily taken her but didn't because it is easioer to use thios as a point scoring exercise and an opportunity to be vitriolic over me and slag me off.

I had a clinic this afternoon which I simply could not get away from to go and take her myself - esp considering the amount of time off I have had with my DS whose school was unexpectedly closed last week and who recently had two weeks off school - of which my ex took no time off at all.

OP posts:
QuintessentialPains · 06/05/2011 20:29

Yabu. Because your child has asthma, and you could not be bothered to find a doctor. She had been sick for ONE WEEK prior to you sending him to your ex, and asking him to take him to out of hours on a saturday. Which you could equally have done the previous week.

How do you know the cat is not setting off the asthma? Have you taken her for allergy testing?

When my child had an asthma diagnosis, I rid the entire house of soft furnishings, "just in case".

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 20:30

QuintessentialPains - good for you Grin

How is it up there?

OP posts:
QuintessentialPains · 06/05/2011 20:31

It is friggin cold "up here". The wind is blowing. And there is still snow in the garden.

But that is not what you meant, was it`? lol. sorry, it probably came out harsher sounding than I intended

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 20:31

....and the Saturday clinic isn't an out of hours one its a normal one....

OP posts:
mummylouise · 06/05/2011 20:32

op could u take her to out of hours/ a and e just now. get ur daughter and go - take care of her everything else can wait.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 20:34

I have no carpet. No curtains apart from voile which I can wash every week. No rugs, nothing like that.

If you have a child with asthma you have to put that first. My parents didn't realise that, I now have severe asthma and damaged lungs because I wasn't given the treatment I needed.

If your DD has been ill with asthma since last Friday, it is NOT under control, and you are NOT realising how serious asthma is.

A sick child is not something you battle over with your ex. It is not a point scoring exercise.

itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 06/05/2011 20:35

ffs people who cant be arsed to look after thier childrens needs should not have children.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 20:36

Good grief - can someone please phone social care?

I clearly need to have my DC removed fromn my care immediately Hmm

OP posts:
BeakerTheMuppetMuppet · 06/05/2011 20:37

I've lived 1/2 a mile from my exH in the past, and it used to stick right in my craw that he was exempt from all PR, all worry, all everything really, and think perhaps posters who live 100's of miles away form their ex's are missing an important point.

OK, the parent with perm. residency is the primary carer, but if the 'absent' parent is within 'reach' so to speak, every day you have to postpone an appt/take a sickie/ferry kids about with take away on their laps as one has to get to football or music lessons etc is a stark reminder of how 'useless' the absent parent is.

If your exH lives nearby, you never stop wanting them to take some responsibility, to share your anguish, to maybe say 'hey, i'll do that' without having to go through some dragon new partner or wait for a text reply. It bloody hurts like hell when you're running through the rain, soaked to the skin after getting a puncture on the way to the GPs so you have to dump your car, but your exH drives past, as 'it's not his day'

I'm not saying this is the case for the OP, but cut her some slack eh? She's having a rant about her ex, not asking for the MN unit of Angels and Martyrs 'R' Us for a free badge is she?

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