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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go round to my ex husbands house and rip his tiny head off?

235 replies

unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:17

I need to vent about this before I boil over - may be long sorry.

DD has asthma, it has been bad for the last week or so unable to take her to the GP Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon due to bank hols and it wasn't that bad then.

ExDH and I have a very acrimonious split since he moved in with a really
controlling bitch unpleasant women, who the kids hate and who has caused row after row after row by totally dominating Ex, and basically stirring and meddling in issues to do with the kids that have nothing to do with her (I of course am "a pyscho" Hmm)

I work full time and have 3 DC, Ex has them every other weekend and 1 weeknight. Doesn't help if they or I are ill, no inset days, no school holidays, didn't take any time off when DS1 was in hospital with appendecitis and had to have two weeks off school (in fact was moaning in the hospital while I phoned around desparate for a bbsitter for our younger two when we were waiting for DS1 to have surgery that he "needed to get back as his OH had a meeting that night and he was supposed to be looking after her DC" Hmm didn't offer to take ours with him). Often refuses to have them if I have dared to suggest he is being a twat, takes holidays a few times a yr so doesn't have the kids. Arranges holidays without asking me and expects to be able to take the kids (term time), expects 6 weeks notice if I need to change arrangements, refuses to be flexible (my OH is in the navy).

I have had a really nasty fluey cold this week high temp etc, I have carried on going to work as DD also looked like she was coming down it and I didn't want to take time off for me in case I needed to for her to be off school. Due to work, clubs, me being ill and there being no appts at the drs I haven't been able to take her and she has a really nasty cough and I suspect chest infection so text ex asking if he can take her this weekend to the saturday clinic (as its his weekend). "No I won't have time".

Text him this morning saying please can you take her to the Drs after school today I recieve a text slagging me off for having a cat which DD is apparently allergic to although this hasn't been medically proven Hmm (which we had before she had asthma) and for not making her take her spray properly (she does) and if she was bad when he had her weds so why have I not taken her yet and he will try but he is really very busy.

Phone Drs at 2pm (earliest you can phone for an afternoon appt) got an appt for 4.40 - text ex to say please can you take her to this appt got a text back slagging me off for giving him such short notice (10 mins after the drs opened Hmm) and no he can't as he is too busy.

DD texted me at 4.50 saying they were playing at his in the garden (as they are not allowed inside when its sunny Hmm) and ex and his oh are in the kitchen.

Fucking cock.

Thanks - thats better.

OP posts:
itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 06/05/2011 20:37
Hmm
SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 20:39

Not at all Beaker. But her DD has been sick with asthma since last Friday. AFAIK she's still not seen a GP, potentially needs antibiotics for a chest infection, and the OP has been on here arguing for the last 2 and a half hours rather than taking her.

Priorities, non?

KittySpencer · 06/05/2011 20:39

The OP is being given an unnecessarily hard time, seems like some posters need to seek a reverse of apparent cranial rectal inversion [hmm}

There is no reason why her DD's dad can't take her to GP, other than that it doesn't suit him. As a LP with a total tosspot of an Ex, I totally sympathise, as my Ex only does what suits as well.

In this situation I would expect him to take her. Why should the OP be the only one getting a hard time about the seriousness of her daughter's asthma? Given it's so serious, why if her dad picked her up and therefore was 'available' at the time of the appt (AND had plenty of notice) is his conduct also not being criticised?!

mueslimuncher · 06/05/2011 20:40

Cannot believe how nasty some people are being to op, fucking hell.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 20:41

Thanks BTMM Smile

OP posts:
clam · 06/05/2011 20:42

Exactly kitty

TheOriginalFAB · 06/05/2011 20:43

Kitty - your name suits you.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 20:44

Can't believe OP is still here arguing about her ex and how nasty some of us are.

Either the thread is about how twuntish her ex is. In which case I don't think anyone has disagreed with her.

Or it's about her DD getting to the doctor. In which case she really needs to get a shift on.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 20:45

Sarahstratton - I don't know if you saw but I said quite early on in this thread I said I had poured myslef a rather large vodka. So unless you are advocating drinking and driving then I think I'll leave it.

I have never said my DD is short of breath, blue around the mouth or lips or I feel about to drop dead.

She is with her father now, he is equally responsible for our daughter, even thougth he is a prize (extremely small) cock I do think that if he felt she had deteriorated he would seek medical help.

If I didn't think that then he would have supervised access wouldn't he?

Because I am a good parent.

OP posts:
BeakerTheMuppetMuppet · 06/05/2011 20:46

But the exH was 'too busy' today to take the DC to the GP, but they were at home?

if the DC was well enough for shool, what's the point in that then? i'm not a GP, can't diagnose down the internet

just thought the OP was getting a bit of a rough ride, when it was her ex who refused to take her to the appt in the end?

mummylouise · 06/05/2011 20:47

could u contact ur ex and ask him to take ur dd tonight or arrange for one of u to take her tomorrow?

itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 06/05/2011 20:49

but beaker unfortunatly I have similar situation, I cant have contempt or resentment as I need to meet the needs of my dcs come hell or high waters.

had op got dd to drs with in a reasonible time frame she would not now be pissed causing stress to her family.

hmm was to op btw not you.

Ormirian · 06/05/2011 20:50

Yanbu. I'll help you to rip it off if you like Angry

QuintessentialPains · 06/05/2011 20:51

I think this is simply in the remits of having custody. You have the daily care. Your ex having time with the children is for their benefits, not your. So you can not look upon it as him helping you, or him providing childcare or do you favours. You cannot rely on him to do anything. It is shit, but the sooner you catch on to this, the better for you.

KittySpencer · 06/05/2011 20:52

to be fair, if her Ex has already refused to go to one appt, I can't see the OP is going to persuade him to take her later tonight...

as for going round and taking her DD, what's to say they would be at home anyway? And Ex could if he felt like it (I know mine would) get on his high horse and say 'My weekend with the DC bugger off/She looks fine to me/You're overreacting' whatever.

Then what's the OP meant to do?!

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 20:52

I'm not pissed?!

I'm just over the bloody driving limit...and which family members am I causing stress to?! Confused

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 20:53

Make your mind up. Either she has had asthma since last Friday and you think she now has a chest infection. Or she hasn't and was well enough for school. Either way if you wanted to take her to see a GP one of you should have done so.

This is about you and your ex. Not your DD. You need to decide whether she needs to see a GP or not. If she doesn't then there's not a lot of point to any of this. If she does then you were being irresponsible by drinking.

Meglet · 06/05/2011 20:53

Sorry, I'm pretty much with the op here. Juggling work and small people's doctors apts is a case of winging it and crossing your fingers IME. I wouildnt want to piss my boss off either, as a lone parent it all falls on my shoulders and I cannot risk losing my job as it would knacker my cv up and we'd lose the house. I have ummed and ahhed over how ill the dc's are before going to the gp's when I would have taken them sooner if I wasn't at work and not on my own. I don't have flexible working and need to keep annual leave for proper illness,2 dc's easily use up my leave quota, and then some.

However I have turned into a right stubborn cow lately and managed to get a home visit (for chicken pox) and just turn up late if I can't get an apt out of work time and get there when I can. They haven't bollocked me (yet). I have to decide who to piss off, my employer or the gp, currently the gp is getting it.

saffy85 · 06/05/2011 20:54

Hope certain posters have a large nose bag to hand. Those high horses are going to want feeding soon... Hmm

DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 20:54

What the fuck?

OP - your ex sounds as much of a cunt as mine. I think you should hide this thread now and go and look at something else before it deteriorates any further. Also, don't do this kind of stuff on AIBU, you might have had a...more sympathetic response on LP or chat.

KittySpencer · 06/05/2011 20:54

But he's not doing the OP a favour, he's caring for his OWN DC! Doing her a favour would be collecting a parcel for her - taking their DC to a Drs appt is quite different, surely.

itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 06/05/2011 20:54

pissed off rather than pissed but im a bit Hmm you are now drinking when your dd is so unwell and away from home

QuintessentialPains · 06/05/2011 20:56

But I dont think exes see it that way.....
He will think, she has daily care, she has had a whole week to take dd to the doctors, but she didnt, instead she is asking ME to take her, and spend my saturday with dd at the doctors. And then as it does not tie in with what he wants to do, it wont get done.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 20:57

No high horses here saffy. Just frustration that the OP cannot seem to grasp that if she can't rely on her XH then she has to take the responsibility on herself.

It's not right, not under any circumstances and her ex certainly sounds a prize twat with a lovely OH. BUT the important thing here is surely her DD. Who has been ill since last Friday and possibly needs ABs for a chest infection.

Or not. Because the story keeps changing.

CoffeeDodger · 06/05/2011 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.