to go round to my ex husbands house and rip his tiny head off?

[unsurevalentine]

I need to vent about this before I boil over - may be long sorry.

DD has asthma, it has been bad for the last week or so unable to take her to the GP Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon due to bank hols and it wasn't that bad then.

ExDH and I have a very acrimonious split since he moved in with a really
controlling bitch unpleasant women, who the kids hate and who has caused row after row after row by totally dominating Ex, and basically stirring and meddling in issues to do with the kids that have nothing to do with her (I of course am "a pyscho" )

I work full time and have 3 DC, Ex has them every other weekend and 1 weeknight. Doesn't help if they or I are ill, no inset days, no school holidays, didn't take any time off when DS1 was in hospital with appendecitis and had to have two weeks off school (in fact was moaning in the hospital while I phoned around desparate for a bbsitter for our younger two when we were waiting for DS1 to have surgery that he "needed to get back as his OH had a meeting that night and he was supposed to be looking after her DC" didn't offer to take ours with him). Often refuses to have them if I have dared to suggest he is being a twat, takes holidays a few times a yr so doesn't have the kids. Arranges holidays without asking me and expects to be able to take the kids (term time), expects 6 weeks notice if I need to change arrangements, refuses to be flexible (my OH is in the navy).

I have had a really nasty fluey cold this week high temp etc, I have carried on going to work as DD also looked like she was coming down it and I didn't want to take time off for me in case I needed to for her to be off school. Due to work, clubs, me being ill and there being no appts at the drs I haven't been able to take her and she has a really nasty cough and I suspect chest infection so text ex asking if he can take her this weekend to the saturday clinic (as its his weekend). "No I won't have time".

Text him this morning saying please can you take her to the Drs after school today I recieve a text slagging me off for having a cat which DD is apparently allergic to although this hasn't been medically proven (which we had before she had asthma) and for not making her take her spray properly (she does) and if she was bad when he had her weds so why have I not taken her yet and he will try but he is really very busy.

Phone Drs at 2pm (earliest you can phone for an afternoon appt) got an appt for 4.40 - text ex to say please can you take her to this appt got a text back slagging me off for giving him such short notice (10 mins after the drs opened ) and no he can't as he is too busy.

DD texted me at 4.50 saying they were playing at his in the garden (as they are not allowed inside when its sunny ) and ex and his oh are in the kitchen.

Fucking cock.

Thanks - thats better.

The point is not that the OP job is hazardous to her DD health, but that her EX has refused to shoulder his responsibility and take her to the GPs.

We are talking about taking a DD to the GPs showing concern for her asthma and not that DD is at death's door and the OP is refusing to take her to A+E etc because her job is more important than the heath of her kid.

Springpiece, your argument is over simplistic in a complex world.

Wow - this has progressed - am I homeless now too as well as being a shit mother?

I don't think anyone actually said you were a shit mother. Your XH is an irresponsible shit father, my frustration was purely that I didn't think you were aware/taking the asthma seriously. I'm paranoid about it because I have it badly because it wasn't treated properly when I was a child. That doesn't make you a shit mother.

The homeless bit is ridiculous (not you, the suggestion).

And I'm sorry if I upset you last night, I didn't mean to and I don't think I helped you :(

Well the childs asthma seemed to get less severe as the thread went on but that's by the by. Of course the dad should have taken her but since the OP knew that he wasn't going to the attitude to take, imo, wasn't - "why should I have to take time off work?" it should have been "what do I need to do to get my child seen by a doctor?". Of course people make mistakes and no-one has said the OP is a shit mum. But according to the OP no mistake has been made as she 'can't' take time off work if her child needs the doctor.

i know exactly what its like to try to juggle children and a job where your put under pressure not to take time off.if you cant get to work you struggle to put food on the table it can be a no win situation.

our doctors is a nightmare everyone has to ring at 8 oclock in the morning you finally get through at 8.12 am to be told try again the next day the next day the same thing happens again.

knowing your children most of us can judge how serious our childrens illneses are,like the op said her child only took a turn for the worst on friday very next day she was much better. i am damn sure if she thought her child was very ill she would have done something about it.

its so easy to pick fault over the pc yet this poor woman is trying her best to support her family,it wouldnt have hurt her x to try and help her out now and then after all he is the childs dad.

as a single working parent you cant keep taking time off work or you would lose your job,it would be so much easier to stay out home on benefits but if she did that she would be classed as another benefit scounging single parent.its shocking how some people like to pounce and bully people on line some of you jumping and picking fault should be ashamed of yourselves.

at how the thread has gone from "my child has asthma and her dad is a twat with a teeny tiny head" to OP should risk losing her job, get made homeless and by some freak of nature get a council house.

Yeah, it reaaaalllly does work out that simple. Also springpiece have you lived in a hostel/refuge? You think those places are good for a person's health and general welfare?

How's your DD today unsure hope she's feeling a bit better.

I think maybe people have overlooked me also saying that my DS1 was recently in hospital where had to take two weeks off school and I did drop everything and not go into work.

She'll be home soon and says she feels ok - but then she never moans so ...

I am an athsmatic. Have been since I was very small but not properly diagnosed until I was 7. I had months of school due to numerous bronchial illnesses because back in the early 70s it was all a bit hit and miss. But I am now fine- still a severe athsmatic but it's 99% under control with medication. Just because Athena can be serious it isn't always life-threatening even when symptoms worsen a little. The OP was slightly concerned, enough to expect that the child's other parent - you know, the one who contributed 50% of her genes- would take responsibility for her health and do the right thing.

I can't even begin to see why anyone has an issue with her.

I actually laughed out loud at the council house comment!!!

OP YANBU.

Wow, this thread has gone all surreal.

OP you are so not being unreasonable! I say this as a single parent, working full time with a twat ex and a DC with asthma.

Being wholly responsible for absolutely everything is tiring, worrying and worthwhile. Everything you do, every decision you make you do it by yourself. Sometimes you get it right, sometimes wrong. There are some real arses on here giving you a hard time. Many should know better as they are in the same position as you.

You have taken a right pasting on here in really good part. Good on you.