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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go round to my ex husbands house and rip his tiny head off?

235 replies

unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:17

I need to vent about this before I boil over - may be long sorry.

DD has asthma, it has been bad for the last week or so unable to take her to the GP Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon due to bank hols and it wasn't that bad then.

ExDH and I have a very acrimonious split since he moved in with a really
controlling bitch unpleasant women, who the kids hate and who has caused row after row after row by totally dominating Ex, and basically stirring and meddling in issues to do with the kids that have nothing to do with her (I of course am "a pyscho" Hmm)

I work full time and have 3 DC, Ex has them every other weekend and 1 weeknight. Doesn't help if they or I are ill, no inset days, no school holidays, didn't take any time off when DS1 was in hospital with appendecitis and had to have two weeks off school (in fact was moaning in the hospital while I phoned around desparate for a bbsitter for our younger two when we were waiting for DS1 to have surgery that he "needed to get back as his OH had a meeting that night and he was supposed to be looking after her DC" Hmm didn't offer to take ours with him). Often refuses to have them if I have dared to suggest he is being a twat, takes holidays a few times a yr so doesn't have the kids. Arranges holidays without asking me and expects to be able to take the kids (term time), expects 6 weeks notice if I need to change arrangements, refuses to be flexible (my OH is in the navy).

I have had a really nasty fluey cold this week high temp etc, I have carried on going to work as DD also looked like she was coming down it and I didn't want to take time off for me in case I needed to for her to be off school. Due to work, clubs, me being ill and there being no appts at the drs I haven't been able to take her and she has a really nasty cough and I suspect chest infection so text ex asking if he can take her this weekend to the saturday clinic (as its his weekend). "No I won't have time".

Text him this morning saying please can you take her to the Drs after school today I recieve a text slagging me off for having a cat which DD is apparently allergic to although this hasn't been medically proven Hmm (which we had before she had asthma) and for not making her take her spray properly (she does) and if she was bad when he had her weds so why have I not taken her yet and he will try but he is really very busy.

Phone Drs at 2pm (earliest you can phone for an afternoon appt) got an appt for 4.40 - text ex to say please can you take her to this appt got a text back slagging me off for giving him such short notice (10 mins after the drs opened Hmm) and no he can't as he is too busy.

DD texted me at 4.50 saying they were playing at his in the garden (as they are not allowed inside when its sunny Hmm) and ex and his oh are in the kitchen.

Fucking cock.

Thanks - thats better.

OP posts:
Clytaemnestra · 06/05/2011 19:08

People are being really unpleasant here. Must be nice to have nothing else to do but polish you halo and be sanctimonious on the internet.

OP - Your ex is a cock. You can't rely on him though, so for your own peace of mind I would stop trying.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 19:10

....I can't go and get her because I have never met his OH and she has said she will call the police if I ever turn up there and if she did it would cause a bloody awful scene and they would make sure it was in front of the kids.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 06/05/2011 19:12

I feel sorry for your children Sad.

worraliberty · 06/05/2011 19:17

And meanwhile there's a sick little girl in all this whose parents are both refusing to get medical help for.

I'm hiding this thread now because I think you should both be ashamed of yourselves.

Just take the child to a Doctor for goodness sake. Yes you have to work, do school runs, you've not been well etc....but please try putting her first if her Dad won't.

Hope she's better soon.

DollyTwat · 06/05/2011 19:19

I feel for you, it's bloody hard when you have to do everything yourself with no help.

Your ex is a knob for sure

But your kids would benefit from you trying to get along a bit better. It's not easy, I grit my teeth with my ex, I have to act grateful when he does something any normal parent would just do.
When it comes to the kids health it something you could try to cone to an understanding about. If the ow has kids she should understand that.

helenthemadex · 06/05/2011 19:21

if he wont take her then for her sake you must tell him that you will collect her and take her and to please have her ready as he is so 'busy'

It is vile when ex's do everything they can to make your life harder as yours seems to be doing, they just dont seem to see that it affects their children to. I know how hard it is but if you can get a fuck you attitude to him and not ask him for anything, it takes away any control he feels he has and stops him using the kids to score nasty and petty points. Not helpful in your current situation

the communicating through the kids must stop its not fair on them, Im sure you know this but knowing how it is when you really cant talk to total wankers like him exh I would say that you dont think its reasonable to communicate this way and you will do it by email and set a up a gmail account for this purpose thats what i did with the complete and utter cock who is my ex h my ex

Personally I really like the idea of using my ex, and some members of his family and his silly slut of a gf as speed bumps

saffy85 · 06/05/2011 19:21

He sounds a total cunt I'm not surprised you're fed up. There's no reason why he can't take her, other than to be difficult. Shame it's the child caught up in the middle of it all and who suffers.

Sorry you're getting a hard time you really don't deserve it. Maybe with hinsight you should havve taken your DD to doctor before now but I know from experience that if cuts are being made at work and you take quite a bit of time off for any reason you worry that much more about saving your arse.

Would your ex allow you to take your DD to out of hours doctor tomorrow if she's still poorly/not any better? He should obviously take her himself but tbh if he's going to be a fucking great cock about it you may have to be the bigger person so that your DD gets treatment.

MrsMoppet · 06/05/2011 19:25

If you ring your GP surgery now that it's closed, there will be a recorded message giving you the number of the out-of-hours service. Ring that number, tell them that you are concerned about DD's asthma/chest infection, and say that you are unable to take her to A&E/clinic but that you need a home visit at her father's house (or yours, if she's going to be with you).

Would that work?

clam · 06/05/2011 19:27

Why on earth is the OP getting such a hard time here?
Sounds like she's running round like a mad thing trying to do the best for her kids, and her ex is being as arsey and uncooperative as he can. If one of THEIR children is unwell, then one of them needs to get her to a doctor. The OP has tried and yet the ex refuses to take her. He's her father ffs. What the hell makes him think he can have just the fun parts of parenthood (carboot sales, kicking them outside whilst he's indoors etc// Hmm ) and she has to cop for all the routine stuff?
Sounds like she's happy to do that, and does so, so why have a go at her?

OP, you have my sympathy and I hope your DD recovers soon.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 19:35

Thanks Smile I should know better than to MN when I am pissed off and frustrated Grin

Do they do home visits?

I have train tickets to see an old friend tomorrow (as he hasn't had the kids for a month at the weekend due to being a twat) and my Oh is at sea and I've been a bit lonely.

DD has texted me saying they had to go and get a card and present from the kids to his OH as its her birthday tomorrow. (who they hate) which is why he "couldn't" take her to the doctors.

He didn't even get them a mothers day card for me Angry

OP posts:
AllDirections · 06/05/2011 19:37

I really feel for you OP. I have 3 DC and my ex is very similar to yours apart from his wife seems much nicer than your ex's GF! I've only kept my job because it's flexible enough to allow me time off in the holidays, when the DC are sick, for hospital appointments, emergency dentist appointments, inset days, etc. etc. I don't see how you can hold down a full time regular job with 3 or more DC without some real help, i.e. from the other parent, which a lot of us don't get. I'd love to see the Halo Brigrade coping in similar situations.

If your ex won't take your daughter to see a doctor this weekend, then take her to a walk in centre as soon as you get her back. And fingers crossed she'll be ok till then.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 19:40

FWIW I am a single parent too, 2 DDs both with asthma, one of them with severe allergies. My ex lives 100s of miles away from us and they see him in the holidays only.

I get no help from anyone. Never have. Just like an awful lot of other people.

Fraid I'm going to call you on the allergy testing. "I recieve a text slagging me off for having a cat which DD is apparently allergic to although this hasn't been medically proven"

Cat allergy is one of the main ones they test for, especially if you have a cat. That and dust mites are 2 of the main asthma triggers.

And I'll call you what I bloody like. Honey. Although at the moment it's more likely to be Boo Hoo Get A Grip.

magicmelons · 06/05/2011 19:42

Clam, i think its because at the end of thed ay we're all parents and their is a little girl who's mum thinks she needs a gp appt but is letting her relationship with her ex get in the way of taking her.

Valentine, i'm not flaming you. I was just saying you need to choose your battles wisely. In your original post you made out your dd was bad now you are playing it down, which i can understand. I am a working mum and i know how shit it can be needing time off, i have picked my dd up from school with awful conjunctivitis taken her to boots and given her drops every 2 hours so as i could make sure she didn't miss the next day as i couldn't have the day off. Its awful. Your exh is a knob he should take her. what i am saying is now you think she needs to go, you need to take her one way or another.

You don't need to have bad asthma to have a severe asthma attack with an infection, it can be the catalyst or could result in pneumonia.

ps i love that you said he had a tiny little head Grin

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 19:44

SarahStratton - I can see why your ex lives 100s of miles away.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 06/05/2011 19:52

That is uncalled for, OP Angry.

heliumballoons · 06/05/2011 19:52

OP. I understand why your pissed off and needing a rant. And why your worried about time off due to redundancies.

BUT

You can't really blame your ex when you could have (and should have) taken her. He is wrong for not making the appointment tonight but your wrong for not doing everything you can to get her there earlier.

I would go around there and get your DD and take her to OOH/ A & E/ minor injuries - basically anywhere theres a DR! Your exH OH will not call the police. I mean seriously if she does you only have to tell the officer that her father refused to take her to her GP appointment so you have come to take her to get medical help and they are holding her hostage.

OP I do really uderstand your probably tired and pissed off. I'm a LP too and sometimes the feeling like you do it all gets to you. (actually I do DS isn't in the country!) But the less you rely on your EX the less he can dissapoint you.

and FWIW in the past 8 days I've spent 1 hour at the GPs, (DS) 3 hours at the emergency dentist (me), 4 hours in A&E (DS) and 1 hour minor injuries (DS). Grin It leaves you emotionally drained.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 19:55

The originalfab - and her post wasn't?

Suggesting I don't know the potential gravity of my DD illness and that she might die wasn't out of order? Angry

Good grief Hmm

OP posts:
heliumballoons · 06/05/2011 19:55

sorry meant DS dad isn't in the country. Grin

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 19:56

LOL! He lives that far away because I moved back to where my family lives. And we are actually good friends. It's been tough but I've seen the fallout that happens with bad divorces and we both swore we wouldn't allow that to happen to our DCs. The only reason they see so little of him is because he travels overseas with his job. That's why I can't rely on him, my choice not his.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 19:58

Err your DD has been ill for over a week now. You seem to be blithely unaware of the consequences of that for a child with asthma. This is AIBU we are allowed to disagree with you. If you just want everyone to pat you on the back and say there there you are on the wrong board.

TheOriginalFAB · 06/05/2011 19:59

SS has done nothing wrong.

I was merely reminding or telling you that children do die of an asthma attack.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 20:04

Do I really sound that thick? I must review my posting style.

I think we are all aware that people die from asthma, but thanks for pointing it out just in case I didn't get that - or ever think about it - because I don't adore my DD at all and I'm the kind of parent who really enjoys thinking about thepotential cdeath ofr my child Hmm.

I haven't killed my child people - I feel like I am being accused of it though Hmm

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 06/05/2011 20:05

Don't be ridiculous. No one has accused you of killing your child as clearly you haven't as she is still alive.

magicmelons · 06/05/2011 20:07

Valentine, back away from the thread, your getting a little irrational.

The summary seems to be YANBU in wanting to rip your ex's head off, everyone agrees he sounds like a knob.

magicmelons · 06/05/2011 20:08

you're Ahem Blush