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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go round to my ex husbands house and rip his tiny head off?

235 replies

unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:17

I need to vent about this before I boil over - may be long sorry.

DD has asthma, it has been bad for the last week or so unable to take her to the GP Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon due to bank hols and it wasn't that bad then.

ExDH and I have a very acrimonious split since he moved in with a really
controlling bitch unpleasant women, who the kids hate and who has caused row after row after row by totally dominating Ex, and basically stirring and meddling in issues to do with the kids that have nothing to do with her (I of course am "a pyscho" Hmm)

I work full time and have 3 DC, Ex has them every other weekend and 1 weeknight. Doesn't help if they or I are ill, no inset days, no school holidays, didn't take any time off when DS1 was in hospital with appendecitis and had to have two weeks off school (in fact was moaning in the hospital while I phoned around desparate for a bbsitter for our younger two when we were waiting for DS1 to have surgery that he "needed to get back as his OH had a meeting that night and he was supposed to be looking after her DC" Hmm didn't offer to take ours with him). Often refuses to have them if I have dared to suggest he is being a twat, takes holidays a few times a yr so doesn't have the kids. Arranges holidays without asking me and expects to be able to take the kids (term time), expects 6 weeks notice if I need to change arrangements, refuses to be flexible (my OH is in the navy).

I have had a really nasty fluey cold this week high temp etc, I have carried on going to work as DD also looked like she was coming down it and I didn't want to take time off for me in case I needed to for her to be off school. Due to work, clubs, me being ill and there being no appts at the drs I haven't been able to take her and she has a really nasty cough and I suspect chest infection so text ex asking if he can take her this weekend to the saturday clinic (as its his weekend). "No I won't have time".

Text him this morning saying please can you take her to the Drs after school today I recieve a text slagging me off for having a cat which DD is apparently allergic to although this hasn't been medically proven Hmm (which we had before she had asthma) and for not making her take her spray properly (she does) and if she was bad when he had her weds so why have I not taken her yet and he will try but he is really very busy.

Phone Drs at 2pm (earliest you can phone for an afternoon appt) got an appt for 4.40 - text ex to say please can you take her to this appt got a text back slagging me off for giving him such short notice (10 mins after the drs opened Hmm) and no he can't as he is too busy.

DD texted me at 4.50 saying they were playing at his in the garden (as they are not allowed inside when its sunny Hmm) and ex and his oh are in the kitchen.

Fucking cock.

Thanks - thats better.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 06/05/2011 18:43

He sounds like a dick and YANBU.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:45

I also took her last week to the Drs after he slagged me off for not getting a mole on her face checked out - which I negotiated around the school run and work and school (and his time with her).

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 18:46

Although he is an utter cunt for not taking her to the Saturday clinic. God knows how I managed to miss that bit.

worraliberty · 06/05/2011 18:46

When am I supposed to take her to a walk in centre>? What am I supposed to do with my other DC?

You're supposed to take her as soon as she shows signs of being ill and take your DC with you.

At the end of the day, you know your ex is an unreliable idiot...yet you rely on him to take your asthmatic daughter to a Docs apppointment...Why???

I'm sure you know the dangers of any asthmatic child having a possible chest infection. She should be your priority if you can't rely on him.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:48

It was only yesterday when she got back from his that she sounded really bad and I phoned first thing this morning Sad

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 06/05/2011 18:49

Both of you sound like your children are an inconvenience to you.

Vallhala · 06/05/2011 18:51

"machine gun, job done, then vodka."

Canny, that''s the best advice I've heard in a looong time. I like your style. :o

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 18:51

You don't wait with asthma honey, you get it seen to before it sounds really bad. You said it had been bad since last Friday - that's when you should have taken her. Even if you have to drag all you DC with you. You know you can't rely on XH so you are going to have to do this yourself.

Please get her allergy tested, and ask for a spacer for her to use with her inhalers as they are far, far more effective. I use a spacer and I'm an adult who has had asthma all her life. I use one because I know it will maximise the effectiveness of the medication.

worraliberty · 06/05/2011 18:52

DD has asthma, it has been bad for the last week or so

That's when you should have taken her...last week.

Look I'm not getting at you. I agree he's a dickwad but you need to realise that and stop trying to rely on him at your daughter's expense Sad

BumWiper · 06/05/2011 18:52

he is her father so its his responsibility to see that she gets to her doctors appointments when she is under his care.the op made an appointment.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:52

Really theoriginalafab - in what way do my kids sound like they are an inconvience to me?

Because I work to support them?

Because I don't want to lose my job in the cuts by constantly taking time off?

Because I let them go to their twat of a dads because they love him and want to go?

OP posts:
Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:54

She has been allergy tested and she does use a spacer and I am not anyones bloody honey Hmm

OP posts:
Glitterknickaz · 06/05/2011 18:55

Be more assertive with the receptionists. I have to with DD, I don't ring unless she really does need an appt, and then when they say they're full I say "yes but she's got respiratory problems and I have concerns, would you prefer me to call an ambulance?" and they've always fit me in.

TheOriginalFAB · 06/05/2011 18:55

Because you couldn't find the time to take her to the doctor as work was more important. You do know that asthma can kill?

magicmelons · 06/05/2011 18:56

He sounds like a massive dick refusing to take her to dr's but really you should have taken her early in the week too or he should have your both responsible for her. Gp has late appts and most places have walk in centres now.

Asthma is a life threatening condition and children can go off very quickly, my 3 year old has asthma and spent a week in hospital last year after the gp sent us away twice it was only on the 3rd occasion they called an ambulance but up to an hour before that he had been running around, it was only because i know him so well i knew he wasn't right.

Sorry if i make you feel bad but your sick dd is stuck in the middle, you should go over, get her at take her to the appt yourself.

worraliberty · 06/05/2011 18:58

Of course your job is important...it's what supports them but ultimately your children come first obviously?

I'm sure if she had a severe asthma attack and was found to have an infection, you'd be kicking yourself for ever relying on a man you know is totally unreliable.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:58

Really? Can it? theoriginalfab That hadn't crossed my mind that my beloved daughter could die from asthma HmmHmmHmm

I was ill.

SHE WASN'T THAT BAD UNTIL SHE GOT BACK FRO HER DADS YESTERDAY

I was struggling to get to work as there have been massive redundancies (I work for the council).

I MADE HER AN APPOINTMENT.

OP posts:
pooka · 06/05/2011 19:00

So if you can't get an appointment during surgery hours then you go to the out of hours service.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 19:00

We don't have a walk in.

Her asthma is not severe - is is bad sometimes - she controls it on her own most of the time.

Her father also has asthma.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 06/05/2011 19:01

You said in your OP it's been bad for the last week or so

TheOriginalFAB · 06/05/2011 19:01

Your daughter was ill and wasn't seen.

If you are so sure you were right, why post?

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 19:02

She wasn't that bad to need the bloody out of hours service Hmm.

I am sure she will be by sunday though Hmm

OP posts:
worraliberty · 06/05/2011 19:04

You don't have to be particularly bad to use an out of hours service. They are there for people who can't get appointments...especially those who possibly need a course of anti biotics...that sort of thing.

pooka · 06/05/2011 19:05

Right - so your ex wont take her. Well in which case you'll have to ring out of hours now and go and get her and take her.

But in your op you said that because of "work, clubs, me being ill and there being no appointments at the drs" you hadn't been able to take her. Ignore the clubs, and (I'm afraid) you being ill - you still could have either got an appointment (surely the doctor would have made time - most surgeries would if you're talking about a child with asthma, potential chest infection) or taken her to out of hours.

He sounds like an arsehole. No doubt this is why he is your ex. So rant away, and make a note to never expect him to shift his arse to help you or the kids. Really unfair and unreasonable as it is, that seems to be the way things will have to be.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 19:08

Because - I said I was bloody venting.

I make all the desicions I do everything alone I work and work and work I work at my relationship with him constantly.

I invited him to DS's parents evening on Weds he said to DS I'm not going esp with her.

He communicates througth our kids and yes they are stuck in the middle and I bloody hate it Angry.

I run around two different schools and I am trying to better my career so the kids can have things and so when he threatens to not pay the maintenance I can tell him to fuck off.

OP posts:
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