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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go round to my ex husbands house and rip his tiny head off?

235 replies

unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:17

I need to vent about this before I boil over - may be long sorry.

DD has asthma, it has been bad for the last week or so unable to take her to the GP Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon due to bank hols and it wasn't that bad then.

ExDH and I have a very acrimonious split since he moved in with a really
controlling bitch unpleasant women, who the kids hate and who has caused row after row after row by totally dominating Ex, and basically stirring and meddling in issues to do with the kids that have nothing to do with her (I of course am "a pyscho" Hmm)

I work full time and have 3 DC, Ex has them every other weekend and 1 weeknight. Doesn't help if they or I are ill, no inset days, no school holidays, didn't take any time off when DS1 was in hospital with appendecitis and had to have two weeks off school (in fact was moaning in the hospital while I phoned around desparate for a bbsitter for our younger two when we were waiting for DS1 to have surgery that he "needed to get back as his OH had a meeting that night and he was supposed to be looking after her DC" Hmm didn't offer to take ours with him). Often refuses to have them if I have dared to suggest he is being a twat, takes holidays a few times a yr so doesn't have the kids. Arranges holidays without asking me and expects to be able to take the kids (term time), expects 6 weeks notice if I need to change arrangements, refuses to be flexible (my OH is in the navy).

I have had a really nasty fluey cold this week high temp etc, I have carried on going to work as DD also looked like she was coming down it and I didn't want to take time off for me in case I needed to for her to be off school. Due to work, clubs, me being ill and there being no appts at the drs I haven't been able to take her and she has a really nasty cough and I suspect chest infection so text ex asking if he can take her this weekend to the saturday clinic (as its his weekend). "No I won't have time".

Text him this morning saying please can you take her to the Drs after school today I recieve a text slagging me off for having a cat which DD is apparently allergic to although this hasn't been medically proven Hmm (which we had before she had asthma) and for not making her take her spray properly (she does) and if she was bad when he had her weds so why have I not taken her yet and he will try but he is really very busy.

Phone Drs at 2pm (earliest you can phone for an afternoon appt) got an appt for 4.40 - text ex to say please can you take her to this appt got a text back slagging me off for giving him such short notice (10 mins after the drs opened Hmm) and no he can't as he is too busy.

DD texted me at 4.50 saying they were playing at his in the garden (as they are not allowed inside when its sunny Hmm) and ex and his oh are in the kitchen.

Fucking cock.

Thanks - thats better.

OP posts:
Original poster
unsurevalentine · 07/05/2011 21:36

What if that job pays for the roof over those children's heads?

OP posts:
springpiece · 07/05/2011 21:47

Got to agree with florence there. If the worst came to the worst and you became unemployed then you would get a council house. If the worst came to the worst with your dd's health it doesn't bear thinking about.

BeakerTheMuppetMuppet · 07/05/2011 21:58

crikey, still OP bashing? i thought maybe it was late last night and people had alcohol induced bravery?

there's no need to harp on about the DCs health is there? OP has come back and said she's fine

and the posters who have said about a job, that'll be a 'mother's' job that has to take 2nd place is it?

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 07/05/2011 22:06

Oh ok sod my job I'll just rely on the state and all you guys to support me Grin

OP posts:
BrawToken · 07/05/2011 22:36

YANBU

OP, how dare you have a job and be a responsible parent? I have a daughter (13) with asthma and have a reasonable relationship with her Dad and he would always take her to the docs if necessary, esp if I was at work and he was available. Even if it wasn't during his time with her. Your ex sounds a total prick and I feel sorry for you having to be civil to him.

Could your dd's asthma be linked to hayfever?

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 07/05/2011 23:22

No, it's linked to her spineless fathers genes.

OP posts:
springpiece · 08/05/2011 00:02

Not saying it's ideal to rely on the state and have me and others support you just saying I would sooner lose my home and everything I have than risk my kids health.

freeandhappy · 08/05/2011 01:23

Your ex is a complete Cunt and you are so not being unreasonable. You sound like you could do with some support. Must be really tough working and feeling sick and looking after everything on your own. And he should jump at the chance to take her and do something for his own little girl. Good for you bad for him.

Buddhastic · 08/05/2011 05:51

YANBU he is a twat.

saffy85 · 08/05/2011 08:37

Yeah ofcourse when you lose your job and then your home too, you get a council house. Hmm Loads of 'em lying empty just incase.

Honestly unsurevalentine I think you should just quit your job now and live off the state. That way whenever your ex decides he hasn't got time to be a proper dad you have all the time in the world to step in because after all, his time with the DC and his life in general is way more important and precious than your own. How can you not know this? Wink

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 08/05/2011 09:50

I'm sorry saffy, how could I have been so dim?! Wink

OP posts:
babybarrister · 08/05/2011 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 08/05/2011 10:04

She isn't allergic to the cat.

She manages her asthma really well and I am proud of her for that. We all get a lot of pleasure from our cat and she has been through some tough times with us. It would be more detrimental to my DD to get rid of the cat than to carry on as we are, the cat is part of part of our family.

When our cat departs I won't get another cat until DD leaves home.

OP posts:
9876543210 · 08/05/2011 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 08/05/2011 10:13

Her dad has asthma and has no pets, she has her asthma from her dad.

She was breast fed for nearly 3 years too Sad

OP posts:
Iam666 · 08/05/2011 10:16

Mine were breastfed and have asthma. Was she specifically tested for cats at the hospital?

SparklyCloud · 08/05/2011 14:06

I agree with you, you should not re home your cat. They are part of the family.
Even if tests showed that she is allergic to cats, I would be keeping the cat.

I am allergic to cats, and i have cats.

Have you seen this www.cpnewcastle.co.uk/allergictocats.htm

Believe its good stuff.

Didyouever · 08/05/2011 14:14

I'm intrigued at how tiny your ex's head is.

Is it very noticeable?

SparklyCloud · 08/05/2011 15:09

ha ha didyou Grin

JockTamsonsBairns · 08/05/2011 15:15

Springpiece "If the worst came to the worst and you became unemployed then you would get a council house".

This has got to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever read on MN. Are you for real?

Poor you OP. It's so hard trying to juggle everything, and harder still with a twat of an Ex who refuses to do his bit to make things a little easier for everyone. I do agree with the posters who have suggested relying on him for nothing, so that whatever he does is a bonus.

Hope your DD is ok.

springpiece · 08/05/2011 16:14

Am I for real in saying that I would sooner live in a council house than risk my kids health - erm yes!!! Wouldn't you? And it says a lot for the benefit bashing and snobbery on mn that a lot of people value their employment status more than their kids health.
I have never claimed benefits btw but NOTHING comes before my kids welfare. If I was in a job that would sack me for taking time off when I needed to take my child to hospital I would get sacked (and take them to court).
Thankfully the OPs child is OK but if she had taken a turn for the worse would people be congratulating her on keeping her job - I don't think so!

Tortington · 08/05/2011 16:16

pmsl - yeah council houses a dime a dozen atm. Hmm

Meglet · 08/05/2011 16:18

How would you take them to court without money? AFAIK legal aid has been slashed to almost nothing.

springpiece · 08/05/2011 16:20

Are you saying that you genuinely think that the OP would be thrown out on the street with her kids if she lost her job because that's not the case - she would at least get a refuge which I would also prefer than risking my kids health.
Either the child needed to see a doctor, in which case the OP should have taken her when she found out her inadequate father wasn't going to bother or it wasn't that urgent - and if that's the case what is this thread even about?

springpiece · 08/05/2011 16:23

My point is that there is no point having a family home if you've got no family to live in it because you put your job before taking them to the doctors. But it's really pointless conversing with people who genuinely think that having a job is more important than their kids health.

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