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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that I am doomed to a life of singledom forever?

437 replies

DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 10:42

I have been thinking recently about maybe getting a new boyfriend at some point in the future.

As the only men I ever meet are wankers, I don't know why I crossed that out actually, yes, most of the men I meet are wankers, I have decided to start having a little look on Guardian Soulmates to get an idea of what is out there.

Basically, what is out there is men like:

"Crazy Creator
Intuitive, playful, spontaneous, celebratory, he makes things - sometimes for 'the world of culture' but many times for you, songs, poems, cards, perfumes, he will get the tube carriage to sing happy birthday to you, hold a gigantic airport placard with your name on or when you are ill he will dress as a doctor...he will jump without thinking!!!!."

This. This man talks about himself in the 3rd person and is a dickhead.

Can anyone find me someone who is NOT a pretentious arse please?

OP posts:
munstersmum · 06/05/2011 10:47

What do you expect in the Guardian ? Grin Grin
Have a friend who has used a website called nothing something like mucky wellies. Has a focus on rural / farming types. More likely to find plain speaking or even men of few words !

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 10:48

God he sounds like the awful 'Lloydy Boy' who was on CDWM earlier this week. I had to switch off before I threw something at the telly.

I'd like a non-pretentious arse too, I'm going to lurk and see how you get on.

Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 10:48

I don't want a farmer type though.

This is what this man is looking for, ready?:

"At some stage you will have probably wondered what this mystery of life is all about.

And the character that doesn't fit into the top box.

Moneyman
His Face is in the Book. He's a juggler, a circus act, creative and it can involve visual art, writing articles, exhibitions, community groups and mentoring. This character is being developed in the new series, where he is due to meet Fatherman (and also you) In the next episode he meets a rich widow, robs a bank, meets the Dali Lama (deliberate pun) and realises that he needs to trust his own process. Moneyman does like the fine things in life, and usually finds a way to make these surface."

OP posts:
Hullygully · 06/05/2011 10:49

AHA, found it, Shirl.

You are too fussy. Place your own ad: Man wanted, must have testicles and rudimentary grasp of grammar.

florencedougal · 06/05/2011 10:49

I have been thinking recently about maybe getting a new boyfriend at some point in the future.

I hear Argos do quite a good budget line

tbh if you are looking the the Guardian, what can you expect :(

jeckadeck · 06/05/2011 10:50

It has to be said that the Guardian is a magnet for pretentious twats "creative types". But I think the nature of online dating is that it prompts people to show off to get attention. A lot of these people may actually be less insufferable than they sound if you get them out for a pint.

Xiaoxiong · 06/05/2011 10:50

YANBU if the only men you meet are wankers - it must be hard to believe that there could be anyone out there for you.

But perhaps as encouragement I will say that my FIL met his now wife on Guardian Soulmates. She is really lovely and it's wonderful to spend time with them, they are so happy and comfortable around each other. I think because they were both in their late 50s when they met and both had grown up children, they were very clear from the outset that they had their own independent lives they wanted to lead as well and established clear expectations.

I'd say be patient, ask lots of people out for coffee, and say yes to anything - you never know whether someone has got a friend to write their profile for them, or if they just don't come across well on paper and are lovely in real life.

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 10:50

Is this the same man that jumps out with placards?

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 10:52

My friend plunged into tinternet dating after a sorry and irrelevant tale. She turned up at my house in a pink sweater (low cut) before breakfast and waved a camera at me demanding I photograph her so she looked feminine. Then she disappeared again and had some trouble with a lying old git in the north.

Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 10:52

"I will climb a tree for you"

I think I've found him!

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 10:53

I'd be worried about what Moneyman had taken before puking up that fine example of verbal diarrhoea.

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 10:53

Meet him in a park and point him at various trees you require him to climb.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 10:55

Maybe he thinks he's a cat Hmm

MotherMucca · 06/05/2011 10:57

I did the rounds on SoulMates years ago. Most of the men I met were twats. Nearly sent me off the the DM's equivalent. Hmm

Sorry, Shirl, I can offer no advice. I got my last bloke from a funeral. (true)

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 10:58

Hmm there's a crematorium not far from here...

ChateauRouge · 06/05/2011 10:59

You need the Private Eye small ads... or even better- the LRB's Grin

MotherMucca · 06/05/2011 10:59

Get down there, quicksmart!

TethersEnd · 06/05/2011 11:02

Marry me instead.

I'll leap out from behind bus stops and scream in your face

Although I can't climb trees.

razzlebathbone · 06/05/2011 11:03

I had a Guardian Soulmates date once. When he turned up he looked nothing like his photo, was wearing a Jimmy Nail t-shirt and asked me if I was into rimming.

I went to the toilet and legged it.

Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 11:03

"...and I like memories (when they feel good); I favour the underdog,
I'm a man not a boy, I read the guardian, I was at the recent student protests,
I'm curious, I love it when everything turns white and wouldn't it be great if Father Christmas was for real"

FFS!

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 11:04

LRB? Can we have some links please so I can laugh at peruse the ads with Shirl.

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 11:04

When he says climb trees, he means lurk in the shrubbery with a raincoat.

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 11:05

It would be great if ol FC was for real, though. It would save parents a fortune. Think on.

bupcakesandcunting · 06/05/2011 11:06

This one sounds pretty perfect;

"Hi, I can fix a leaking pipe, do the washing up, change light bulbs and vacuum with my dyson. I can cook spaghetti bolognaise, tuna pasta special and I make tea from the pot not with a bag. I use Willy's cocoa to make my hot chocolate. I also do toast. I can read and write in English. Babies trust me, kids think I'm fun and your mother will want me back for Sunday lunch :)"

Only problem is he's 34 so he's way to young for you Shirl', soz n that.

Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 11:07

Honestly Hully - the tree climbing one is....hilarious. He is looking for "A space assassin.
A cove. A bean.
A hug just waiting to happen."

a space assassin. I mean. a SPACE ASSASSIN - who can live up to this?

OP posts:
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