to think that I am doomed to a life of singledom forever?

[DameShirleyKnot]

I have been thinking recently about maybe getting a new boyfriend at some point in the future.

As the only men I ever meet are wankers, I don't know why I crossed that out actually, yes, most of the men I meet are wankers, I have decided to start having a little look on Guardian Soulmates to get an idea of what is out there.

Basically, what is out there is men like:

"Crazy Creator
Intuitive, playful, spontaneous, celebratory, he makes things - sometimes for 'the world of culture' but many times for you, songs, poems, cards, perfumes, he will get the tube carriage to sing happy birthday to you, hold a gigantic airport placard with your name on or when you are ill he will dress as a doctor...he will jump without thinking!!!!."

This. This man talks about himself in the 3rd person and is a dickhead.

Can anyone find me someone who is NOT a pretentious arse please?

Yy, BalloonSlayer.

What is amazing that he has published that as his "Selling Point".

We might add: "Also sadly flawed by devastating egotism."

I once had a guy come over from belfast for a date with me (when i was young first discovered internet) he had a voice like velvet, was a rugby player and looked lovely in his pics

what i picked up at the airport was NOT what i expected (you know the fat ones in the scrum with no teeth and weird ears) i hid him in a cupboard indoors with the curtains closed for the weekend while he sat and scoffed a whole tin of heros and watched shite tv (he looked happy as a pig in mud) while i cringed and refused to asnwer the door to anyone

Yeah Balloon. Can you imagine what else his mates said if this was the best thing

I land on my feet = I AM A BASTARD

Did you have the sex with him though VT~?

valium - It was kind of an experiment but a bit serious, too. I was just sick of all the guys writing ads (gumtree was very far removed from the guardian) like: 'well ... don't know what to say, lol, am new at this. My friends say I'm good looking, I've got a good sense of humour, I like going to pubs and comedy clubs, I like going to see movies and watching DVDs...'

I did meet one really nice guy, actually, but it fizzled out after a few dates.

I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're 40+ you'll be lucky if you get a 60 year old. Most normal men of around 35/45 want women aged between 25 and 30.

I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that's the reality.

Shirl i was gonna, i though wtf its a shag, but seriously (and im being serious) i couldnt find his cock under all that fat, and when i did it was the size of a chipolats (erect)

Right. Plenty of Fish looks like fun. I have had to make a profile though, which is a bit rubbish, but I have found a man, who lives in my area who is looking for " dont like chavy or pikey woman not my thing and would like to meet someone who understands that i see my kids regularly and wont stop till theyve had enough of me lol
i hate liars and cheats honestys the way to go !!!!"

I AM IN LIKE FLYNN

you'll be lucky if you get a 60 year old

hahahahahahahahaha pore ol Shirl

Just so long as he's over 60

this is my profile

which i set up about...6 minutes ago. I have already got a message in my inbox saying:

"Hello! Do you fancy having a chat with me? If you would like to (surely there's no harm in talking ) could you please add me to your msn messenger contacts list; we can then chat there to see how we get on.

My msn messenger address and email is :-
***@hotmail.co.uk

It would be really nice to hear back from you.
However, if you are not interested I will wish you all the very best and take care."

Dear God

carminaburina can't help herself - she loves to help.

oh yeah when I had a brief look on one site, all the men, even the older ones 55 ish were looking for women no older than 39. I mean, how they do delude themselves.

This is what I am going to put about me. Feel free to critique:

Tall
Dizzy
Relaxed
Happy
Like mucking about
Like being outside
Curvy but not fat - how do I explain that? I have ticked 'average' on the body thing.
Like walking/riding and own 2 horses which you will have to put up with!
Like animals, own a small dog.
Like socialising
Do not smoke, do not object to others smoking.
Not much of a drinker - odd glass of wine occasionally. I don't need alcohol to have fun.
Like making people laugh, but am not a stand up comic, or one of those annoying 'me I'm the life and soul' people. Generally I want to beat them with a blunt instrument.
Can cook, enjoy cooking, but don't expect anything above standard dinner party fare. Heston B I am not.
Like beaches/sun
Also like open fires/snow etc
Love reading, films, going to the cinema, watching rugby and cricket. Although I don't understand them. I just like watching the players run about.

VT - so you DIDN'T have the sex?

I like it that you've put so many different pics of yourself

pPOF is full of weirdos posing with their tops off, well they are in my area, i always find the good lookers are darn sarf

you should do a search of guys in Cumbria, my god.

Are you only 18???

no, sex was actually impossible

Get rid of dizzy, sounds like you might fall over at any minute. And for alcohol, just put "don't drink much" - says it succinctly. V gd. I'd give you one.

Like it Sarah.

No Valium it is a fake profile just so that I can nose about a bit.

Cheers Hully. I do love you, you know. Shame we're not lezzas or I'd give you one too.

I'm not actually a circus performer either

Oh I love the ones where their entire profile is a rant about HATING GAME PLAYERS and LIARS.

Get in there like swimwear.