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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that I am doomed to a life of singledom forever?

437 replies

DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 10:42

I have been thinking recently about maybe getting a new boyfriend at some point in the future.

As the only men I ever meet are wankers, I don't know why I crossed that out actually, yes, most of the men I meet are wankers, I have decided to start having a little look on Guardian Soulmates to get an idea of what is out there.

Basically, what is out there is men like:

"Crazy Creator
Intuitive, playful, spontaneous, celebratory, he makes things - sometimes for 'the world of culture' but many times for you, songs, poems, cards, perfumes, he will get the tube carriage to sing happy birthday to you, hold a gigantic airport placard with your name on or when you are ill he will dress as a doctor...he will jump without thinking!!!!."

This. This man talks about himself in the 3rd person and is a dickhead.

Can anyone find me someone who is NOT a pretentious arse please?

OP posts:
valiumbandwitch · 06/05/2011 11:46

No I don't think you are being unreasonable. I haven't read the replies. But rather than 'getting out there' hunting for a man I am just slowly accepting that I will lead the rest of my life as a single person. I don't think that that's 100% bad. Advantages, disadvantages.... The biggest hurdle is being the odd one out in society i think.

People may ask why I'm so certain I'll be single for ever and I think it's because I realise now, men weren't attracted to me when I was in my 20s with no children. They're not going to be attracted to me now that I'm 41.

My self-esteem is good. I don't think I'm not worthy of a bf or anything like that. I think that what men are looking for is .........not me. And what I'm looking for in a man is not unreasonable but it would be rare to find it.

What can you do but just accept it. Not everybody HAS to be with somebody. This is what bothers me about being single. How COUPLE centric society is.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 11:46

Hmm I may steal borrow a few of those Hully. Like the No mentallers/cretinous families/thickos.

Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 11:47

Thank you dickie darling.

He is a bad person. Still onwards and upwards what about:

"Maybe I want to meet a girl from a Sinatra song. So we can stroll down Upper Street in the rain. Watch old black & white movies with Jimmy Stewart or Cary Grant. Mock one anothers pretentions." (I quite like his profile actually, he's quite funny.)

I've just fallen in love with one of them men on there but he is 59 which is a bit too old for me unforch.

OP posts:
dickiedavisthunderthighs · 06/05/2011 11:48

Sweet jesus

"I love skinny dipping... Not in a whip your clothes off and jump in the Thames kind of way but in a sneak down to the beach with a bottle of champagne on a beautiful island kind of way."

I think you should go on a date with him to Southend and see quite how his idea of skinny dipping pans out.

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 11:49

Very lovely tall woman who likes animals in an appropriate fashion and not worryingly, indoors or out, with or without a fire, fond of sex, but no sausage in a wind tunnel please seeks man who is reasonably adequate and not fat.

Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 11:49

Sarah, I think you should put "Dizzy amazonion seeks enormous cock"

I wonder what sort of replies you'd get.

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 11:50

I am sorely tempted to put my lists, with Dickie's additions on the wanted one... It would save time and messing about, and they are to the point and not poncetastic.

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 11:50

That should do it, Sarah.

TethersEnd · 06/05/2011 11:51

Going to have to agree with Arthur, Sarah- you need to lower your standards quite considerably.

Then you can add 'low standards' to the list of your best features.

Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 11:51

I like "likes animals in an appropriate fashion"

use that.

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 11:51

no sausage in a wind tunnel

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 11:51

I think you should do the list thing, it would filter out the tossers who didn't get it.

valiumbandwitch · 06/05/2011 11:52

Oh there are some self-absorbed creeps out there. why bother?

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 11:52

Right I'm putting my lists. This is going to be a disaster isn't it...

I promise I will share the best worst results with you.

spatchcock · 06/05/2011 11:53

"I combine restructuring a domestic violence charity, working with kids in a small film & theatre company and establishing sustainable businesses in Zambia to fund a HIV orphanage..."

Hahaha! No ... really?

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 11:53

You absolutely must put "not a complete mental"

spatchcock · 06/05/2011 11:55

I once placed an ad on the (now defunct) gumtree dating saying something like

"Overweight, chain-smoking, beer-drinking couch potato seeks similar male"

I had about 200 replies, mostly saying "lol come on darlin I bet u dont look like that lol! send me a pic I bet u sexy as hell xxx".

Except for the couch potato bit it was pretty true at the time.

valiumbandwitch · 06/05/2011 11:56

That's funny! I can't believe you got 200 reoplies. was it an experiment?! or did you want an overweight, chain-smoking, beer-swilling couch potato?

Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 11:56

Don't put the bit about "Not a holiday wrecker" because that just makes you look like a bit of a...weird.

Right. I'm fed up with all that now...I'm going for a look at Plenty of Fish.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 06/05/2011 11:57

The friend in the pink jumper went all the way to Scotland to meet an internetty male. She phoned me from the shower (with it running to hide her call) to say that his photo was 15 years old and he was vile but they'd had sex anyway because she'd travelled so far it seemed a waste.

Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 11:57

God yeah, gumtree was amazing for dating and all that. I haven't had a good rummage on gumtree for ages

OP posts:
ezzie21 · 06/05/2011 11:59

having just looked at the 24 men available in my area...

i would like some who just looks good in the corner holding a pint for the evening and came forth when requested

i dont want opinons/in depth discussions on bollocks...actually breathing would annoy me at most of the times

should i order a button up flannel nighty now?

animula · 06/05/2011 12:00

there must have been a bottle of wine (for courage) behind some of these. Surely?

animula · 06/05/2011 12:02

Have visions of alternative situation to soulmates: Standing in a shopping centre with a sign looped around neck:

"Take me home. I would like sex and company. Am not scary. At all."

BalloonSlayer · 06/05/2011 12:03

"A friend once likened me to a cat that you'd throw out of a 14th floor window (Not that I would do such a thing of course...) who'd land on his feet, nonchalantly lick his fur and potter off in search of mice."

No, to me, that translates as: I will shag all your mates, spend all your money, lie to you, break your heart and when you finally kick me out I will get all our friends on to my side and calling you a bitch, and be married to a rich younger woman within a month