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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS only child in class not invited to a birthday party

263 replies

sweetiesue · 03/05/2011 17:46

DS has come home from school very upset today. Invitations were handed out some of the class last week to a child's birthday party, with the rest being handed out today. DS didn't have an invite in his bag and came home in tears. Explained it could be a numbers thing thinking that only some of class had been invited. Another mum asked if ds was going so as to double up on lifts and I said ds didn't get an invite. She was shocked as rest of class has been invited. Now I used to be friends with the child's mum and we drifted apart when boys were in different nursery sessions but to my knowledge there was no fall out. Because ds was so upset and as a result of what other mum said I texted birthday child's mum just to say something along the lines of"ds came home saying child was having a party but he didn't have an invite in his bag and wondered if ds had lost the invite and didn't want to appear rude by not replying if it has gone astray at school. Understand if it is a numbers thing and hope he has a great day" She has replied he isn't invited and it is a numbers thing. My issue is the whole class has been invited apart from ds and the venue does have a max number but it isn't so small that they would be struggling to invite ds (in my opinion). Am I being unreasonable to think that there is something odd going on?

OP posts:
goodbyemrschips · 03/05/2011 17:49

Does sound odd. You were very forward in texting her but it does semm very odd to leave just one child out.

Goblinchild · 03/05/2011 17:50

Does he have any kind of additional needs? Because that's often what happens if your child is different to the norm. Sad
I think it's horrible, but there's not much you can do other than take him somewhere nice when the party's on and have a playdate with some friends afterwards.

KatieWatie · 03/05/2011 17:53

Are you sure the rest of the class was invited? You've only got the other mum's say-so and to be honest how would she know?

JamieAgain · 03/05/2011 17:54

Yes - maybe not all the class has been invited

How old are they?

woopsidaisy · 03/05/2011 17:54

What a cow. Leaving one child out is just cruel. I find it hard to believe that she would deliberately do this.
Are you sure everyone else is invited? Just have a special wee day with your DS.

Notsohotanymore · 03/05/2011 17:56

That is horrible and very petty.What a stupid bitch.If he wasnt the only child then I could understand...but just to leave out 1 kid,is the lowest of the low.It does happen though,so maybe a "who cares" attitude will help your son forget about it...and defo take him somewhere on the day. Have they fallen out? Why did you and the other mum drift?

themildmanneredjanitor · 03/05/2011 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CURLYMAMMA · 03/05/2011 17:57

I think that is awful, if he is the only one left out (but others may not have been invited). If its a numbers thing fine, but at least engineer it so you are not leaving a poor wee soul out.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/05/2011 18:00

That's awful... to invite everybody except one child in the class. How can anybody be so cruel? :(

Do what mildmannerjanitor suggests... pick a lovely treat for DS. Grin

Toughasoldboots · 03/05/2011 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Piggyleroux · 03/05/2011 18:04

Bitch. How horrible. Hope no one turns up. Grin

chloesmumtoo · 03/05/2011 18:05

Maybe not all the class are going, do you know that for certain? As children sometimes feel that everyones going but them. I couldn't have text them, you never know with children if they have clashed and have a reason for not inviting them or just don't want certain children to come. Not that I personally would let my dd leave out individuals. I shouldnt worry about it as your concern with the situation may make it worse for your ds. Just get him to understand only invited children can go to parties like you mentioned about numbers and leave it at that. It will happen alot more as he gets older and parties become smaller. Sad

pigsinmud · 03/05/2011 18:05

I wouldn't take another mum's word for it that the rest of the class has been invited. Has she asked everyone? If your ds is the only one left out then that is very mean.

Dd2 was upset when all the girls were invited to a girl's birthday party apart from her. Mother even handed out invitations in front of me and dd2. They are only in reception. I think some people just don't think.

I went with the who cares attitude. Tbh dd2 doesn't like this girl as she is very bossy, but I know it's difficult not to feel upset.

ggirl · 03/05/2011 18:07

bloody cruel thing to do if he is actually the only one not invited
bitch

KatieWatie · 03/05/2011 18:08

Yeah you could ask her outright if all the rest are going, but then if there's actually loads of them not invited then you're going to look a bit silly Hmm

I don't know much about the protocols of parties, but it seems a really odd thing to do and for her to be so blase about it in her text back to you seems very suss and makes me think she possibly hasn't invited all of them and therefore it hasn't even crossed her mind that you'd get het up about it, maybe?

Shakirasma · 03/05/2011 18:08

I can't see how any parent would know whether or not the whole class had been invited, unless it's a tiny class with only a dozen kids.

Original poster
sweetiesue · 03/05/2011 18:09

The other mum is friends with child's mum and she said that the plan was to invite whole class. DS has said that everyone got an envelope to put in their bags but he didn't. The teacher handed them out so it's not as if the child had hidden it or lost it. I'll ask a few more mums tomorrow if there children are going.
I texted saying " Hi, sorry to bother you. DS(name) is confused as he thinks he has been invited to (child's name) birthday party but can't find his invitation in his bag. Teacher said she handed them out on Thursday. We have checked bags and tray etc but no sign. I have explained that (child's name) might only be having one or two friends for a party so he may not be invited. Can you please confirm as do not want to be rude by not replying if invitation has been lost. Thank sweetiesue"
She replied "Due to numbers (ds name) hasn't been invited - sorry"
DS is in a class of 17 by the way so not huge,and I know he is def the only boy not invited.
I am now starting to feel very upset and a little angry

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 03/05/2011 18:10

It all seems really odd

KatieWatie · 03/05/2011 18:14

It's really bizarre... even if you'd had a massive fall out with the b'day child's mum it would still be really harsh not to invite your son but invite everyone else Confused.

I'd be tempted to just ask her outright I think, as long as you've got your facts right first. The original plan might've been to invite the whole class but then she might have culled the numbers later and not told the mutual-friend-mum about the change of plan?

JamieAgain · 03/05/2011 18:15

I can only think that there has been a fall- out and the other child really doesn't want your son there. Or, that your son has been unfairly targetted. Not nice either way - any sign he's being bullied?

Toughasoldboots · 03/05/2011 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 03/05/2011 18:19

The only boy not invited or the only child not invited?

Goofymum · 03/05/2011 18:20

Sorry, don't want to labour the point but how do you know that he is def the only child not invited? For DDs classmate's parties often mums say the whole class is invited but in reality it is only 2/3 of the class.

If it is definite that he is the only child not invited you are not unreasonable to feel hurt and angry for your DS. It is very cruel to single out a child like this.

Does DS have friends at school, has he fallen out with this child? How old is your DS?

diddl · 03/05/2011 18:20

Did you think to ask the teacher if everyone had been invited?

I´m a bit on the fence on this as tbh I don´t see why a child should have someone they don´t want at their birthday.

But then I think unless the child really does want the whole class there, I don´t know why parents do it tbh.

BoffinMum · 03/05/2011 18:20

Very mean and thoughtless of her if it's as you say. I would let it be known at the school gate to one or two of the more sensible mums that my kid was the only one not invited and that he was in tears as a consequence, and let that get back to her ... but I supposed it depends if you're the head held high type or not.