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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS only child in class not invited to a birthday party

263 replies

sweetiesue · 03/05/2011 17:46

DS has come home from school very upset today. Invitations were handed out some of the class last week to a child's birthday party, with the rest being handed out today. DS didn't have an invite in his bag and came home in tears. Explained it could be a numbers thing thinking that only some of class had been invited. Another mum asked if ds was going so as to double up on lifts and I said ds didn't get an invite. She was shocked as rest of class has been invited. Now I used to be friends with the child's mum and we drifted apart when boys were in different nursery sessions but to my knowledge there was no fall out. Because ds was so upset and as a result of what other mum said I texted birthday child's mum just to say something along the lines of"ds came home saying child was having a party but he didn't have an invite in his bag and wondered if ds had lost the invite and didn't want to appear rude by not replying if it has gone astray at school. Understand if it is a numbers thing and hope he has a great day" She has replied he isn't invited and it is a numbers thing. My issue is the whole class has been invited apart from ds and the venue does have a max number but it isn't so small that they would be struggling to invite ds (in my opinion). Am I being unreasonable to think that there is something odd going on?

OP posts:
Ishani · 03/05/2011 18:44

This woman may have a good reason to leave one child out fgs.

worraliberty · 03/05/2011 18:44

pigletmania No fucking way Shock

Jesus, I'd absolutely die if my Mum did that to me...and if anyone 'dumped' their uninvited child at one of my kid's parties, I'd tell the Police they'd bloody abandoned them!

pigletmania · 03/05/2011 18:45

I personally could not bring myself to invite her son to your ds birthday party I could not, but you a a bigger person than me op

marmaladetwatkins · 03/05/2011 18:46

I would flare up like a London derby if it were my DS, even though I'd have no right to. It hurts like buggery when your kid gets left out :(

pigletmania · 03/05/2011 18:47

he he he worraliberty just a suggestion Grin

Original poster
sweetiesue · 03/05/2011 18:47

I agree you shouldn't have to invite whole class if you/your child don't want to. I have never bought into the whole "keeping up with the jones" approach, and would never do something just for the sake of it.
Strangely though, over couple of hours I have had messages/phone calls from six other parents (all to boys in class) asking regarding lifts to party. That means that of the ten boys in class, seven have def been invited and one is the birthday boy. That only leaves one other and my son. Now not sure about the girls but will catch up with a few mums tomorrow on that one. The venue has a max of 20 so numbers thing is reasonable, doesn't stop the tears of a 5 year old though when trying to explain why friends have got invitations but he hasn't.
To date the parties have gone all boys, all girls or whole class.

OP posts:
bemybebe · 03/05/2011 18:47

piglet now you do sound like an 8 yo. grow up.

pigletmania · 03/05/2011 18:47

no isani no excuse at all imo

pigletmania · 03/05/2011 18:48

well bemybebe we are all entitled to our opinion even if you don't agree

Ishani · 03/05/2011 18:49

Yes grow up piglet, some people won't like your 5 year old, so what as long as you do and it's not everybody.

pigletmania · 03/05/2011 18:50

I agree sweetiesue but I don't agree with leaving one child out. We had a party for dd recently, it was a joint one with another boy she knows in the pre school with birthdays the same time and they invited 8 each (there are 39 in the class) so not all were invited.

bemybebe · 03/05/2011 18:50

piglet seriously, you will punish a 5 yo to spite his parents? how are you better than the birthday boy's mum?? (I guess that party lists are drawn not exclusively by 5 yo and parents have some say...)

pigletmania · 03/05/2011 18:51

Well ishani you can talk! To leave one child out is pretty mean and heartless tbh

pigletmania · 03/05/2011 18:52

No I wouldn't bemybebe thats why I do not do whole class parties.

Maryz · 03/05/2011 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bemybebe · 03/05/2011 18:52

ok, i think we are arguing about the same thing... i just do not agree with you piglet, when you suggest leaving this boy out to make his parent see how it feels... whatever.

meditrina · 03/05/2011 18:53

It happened to one of my children, and like OP I found out only because I was asked about lift sharing. As the party was held midweek directly after school, it was very obvious that DC was the only one not going. I never had the nerve to ask why - so I still don't know if we're disapproved of as a family, or if there was something going on between the children (in which case, I wish I had known so I could have done something useful at the time). DC was very sad at the time (not least as party was much discussed the following day in the playground).

I am of course now torturing myself with the possibility of a missing invitation, and the other parent thinking I'm a non-RSVP oik (then again, I don't think she'd ever spoken to me before this, let alone since).

Ishani · 03/05/2011 18:54

Shoving a 4 year old down a flight of stairs wins any meany and heartless competition i've ever entered Piglet.
At the time i'd have quite liked to have shoved her myself, she got off lightly.

pigletmania · 03/05/2011 18:56

fair enough bemybebe but that would be very rare is i don't believe in whole class parties just would not invite the party boy thats all. That happened to dd where most of the pre school were invited to this boys party recently, all the mums were talking about it and dd was not invited, fair enough, but dd did not invite this boy to her party. He is not one that she plays with the most anyway no biggie, but another mum was rubbing my face in it a bit.

Jennytailia · 03/05/2011 18:57

I think you are over thinking this tbh.

His mum might have said "right you can invite 15 friends" and hr miry have wanted cousins, family friends ect. She may have been worrying about leaving out family more than school friends.

I would let my son invite who he wanted to his party, she probably hasn't even thought about who is not going.

caughtinanet · 03/05/2011 18:58

OP - I hope you are replying to all the texts saying that your DS hasn't been invited and hopefully someone will find out the reason behind it.

Obviously venues have limits but to leave out just one child of the same sex as the party child indicates that there must be some reason - I agree with other posters who say it isn't likely to be something that you've done unless there are some very petty people out there

Notsohotanymore · 03/05/2011 18:58

I agree with piglet.WTF should their kid be invited? That stupid cow needs to know how it feels. And I would invite the WHOLE class but him.

Nanny0gg · 03/05/2011 18:58

I know some have said that if the birthday child doesn't want to invite someone then as it's their party it's their choice. And if the 'invitee' is the only one not invited then it's a good lesson to learn that you don't always get what you want.

Well, on the other hand, surely it's a good lesson for the host child to learn to be thoughtful and think of others and what a kind, generous thing it is to do.

Especially when it's small children we're talking about.

bemybebe · 03/05/2011 18:59

we are on the same page here piglet i do not approve of whole class parties...

Nanny0gg · 03/05/2011 18:59

And you can't punish the horrid mum by punishing her child.
That really isn't fair.

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