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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell ds9 he can't go in neighbour's garden now they have a swimming pool

542 replies

Bluesatinsashes · 01/05/2011 22:51

Been lurking for a while but this is my first thread. I'd like to know what you wise ladies think. Our back gardens are easily accessible, separated by hedges only so kids can run between gardens to play. DS is a good swimmer but we also have a dd3 who can't swim, so I've told them both they can't go next door but one anymore. DS understands my reasons but it's going to be hard for him when he has to say he can't go over, isn't it?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 01/05/2011 23:25

At 7yrs old I was a competent swimmer and went to the local pool with my friends, unaccompanied by any parents.

At 9yrs old you should be able to trust your son to to play with his friends without you watching his every move. You say he can swim well, so I really do not see why you have any problem with him carrying on as normal.

As for your daughter, I am amazed that you already allow her to wander from house to house at such a young age, and this seems to contradict your previous posts.

worraliberty · 01/05/2011 23:26

When your neighbours told you they were getting a pool, did they say your son would be invited to use it?

NotaMopsa · 01/05/2011 23:28

i would agree with you totally op. We wont holiday where there is a pool. Even a competent swimmer can drown - 9 is still a baby - he needs to be watched .

so no yanbu

You are being a good loving parent

Gooseberrybushes · 01/05/2011 23:30

You need to fence, and I would not let your 9yo go without "adult supervision", by which I mean, if other parents are not in the garden, you would need to be in yours and listening hard and checking regularly

sorry but this is an easy way for a child to go

they don't make a noise, they are silent when they drown

you need to listen for silence

worraliberty · 01/05/2011 23:32

Oh feck off is 9yrs old still a baby lol...especially a competent swimmer.

Having said that, I'd still expect the adult who invited him into the garden and pool, to keep an eye out.

If you wont holiday where there's a pool, how on earth do your kids learn to swim and enjoy water safely?

NotaMopsa · 01/05/2011 23:33

they've coped so far Hmm

do you have a nine year old worral?

Gooseberrybushes · 01/05/2011 23:33

"You all sound very paranoid."

You are not paranoid.

I have had children round to play in the pool and it is no fun for the adult. Nor should it be. You have to be alert one thousand per cent all the time.

lynehamrose · 01/05/2011 23:34

Its Perfectly safe to holiday where there's a pool if you look after your children responsibly. Id be more worried about not giving them the opportunity to learn to swim.

Gooseberrybushes · 01/05/2011 23:35

I have had two to fifteen year olds in the pool. You watch, and if you aren't watching, you listen. My children have almost an excess of independence in many ways but where pools are concerned believe me, they can have too much.

HeadfirstForHalos · 01/05/2011 23:35

It is unfair to let the 9 year olds life be hindered by the 3 year old. The 3 year old is your responsibility not his, as others have said.

NotaMopsa · 01/05/2011 23:35

i am with Gooseberry

kids die in pools fact

Original poster
Bluesatinsashes · 01/05/2011 23:35

Squeaky my daughter doesn't wander from house to house. When you went to the local pool i presume there would have been a lifeguard?

OP posts:
HellNoSayItAintSo · 01/05/2011 23:36

percent only goes up to 100, FYI.

lynehamrose · 01/05/2011 23:37

I don't think anyone is disagreeing that children can drown in pools. But the op is talking about never letting her 9 yr old go into that garden again! Thats daft, just let him be invited over.

worraliberty · 01/05/2011 23:37

do you have a nine year old worral?

I have child who will be 9 in November, a 12yr old and a 19yr old...all very good swimmers.

It's a skill we began teaching them from the age of about 2yrs.

squeakytoy · 01/05/2011 23:39

Blues, i grew up living less than half a mile from a reservoir and a canal. As kids it was our playground, and all children were taught to swim from an early age (as all children should be unless there are disabilities which prevent this).

9 years old is not a baby Mopsa, honestly it isnt

Gooseberrybushes · 01/05/2011 23:40

oh my gosh, does it really Hmm

can you let me know what hyperbole means too, I've no idea

OP, children die in pools with lifeguards, with swimming instructors, with their friends, with their parents present, in pools which aren't "deep", in school swimming lessons etc etc.

If it's going to be so infrequent and he is invited say something casual like "will you watch today or shall I" or something like that

If she takes offence she shouldn't have a pool - people with pools know how responsible they should be

ask any Australian Smile nb not an oz myself but they are complete experts

Gooseberrybushes · 01/05/2011 23:41

all my children can swim like fish from the age of 2-4

what does that mean? it means they are confident

when with friends? over confident

Original poster
Bluesatinsashes · 01/05/2011 23:42

Sorry, I seem to have made it appear my son is responsible for his sister. He's not. He came in from garden today and told me in front of dd about the new pool. So she was aware of it.

OP posts:
NotaMopsa · 01/05/2011 23:42

American statistics on drowning

I stand by what i said and think some of you on here need to get some perspective. 9 might look old when you have toddlers but even a 14 and 15 year old needs looking after Hmm

Gooseberrybushes · 01/05/2011 23:43

mopsa - complacency is the very devil

you don't teach your child to swim by letting him go to the neighbour's pool without supervision

Gooseberrybushes · 01/05/2011 23:44

well done mopsa - good link

squeakytoy · 01/05/2011 23:45

what do you think will happen to a 9year old who is a competent swimmer in a man made pool?

a swimming pool is not the same as a lake or the sea where the depths can change suddenly or there are hidden rocks, or reeds, or strong currents...

a 9yo is not likely to be pissed and going for a swim..

a 9yo would be more likely to get hit by a car, or injure themselves falling off a bike than they would drown in a swimming pool...

catchmeifyoucan · 01/05/2011 23:46

Seriously Mopsa - you are doing your child a huge disservice. If you think they're going to die from looking at a swimming pool how on earth do you get by in day to day life? Crossing roads? Walking up and down stairs? Going to school? The perceived dangers are endless and you're going to end up with a child that's scared of it's own shadow.

pigletmania · 01/05/2011 23:46

You should replace the hedge with fences and allow your 9 year old competent swimmer ds to go to his friends, you cannot wrap him up in cotton wool, he is 9 not 19 months old.