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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To tell ds9 he can't go in neighbour's garden now they have a swimming pool

542 replies

Bluesatinsashes · 01/05/2011 22:51

Been lurking for a while but this is my first thread. I'd like to know what you wise ladies think. Our back gardens are easily accessible, separated by hedges only so kids can run between gardens to play. DS is a good swimmer but we also have a dd3 who can't swim, so I've told them both they can't go next door but one anymore. DS understands my reasons but it's going to be hard for him when he has to say he can't go over, isn't it?

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 01/05/2011 22:53

erm if the pool is not inaccessible then you need to take urgent steps to fence your garden to keep your children safe

dearprudence · 01/05/2011 22:55

Seems a bit tough on the 9 year old. Surely he's allowed to do lots of things that the 3 year old isn't. YAB a bit U, although I totally understand why you're concerned.

FabbyChic · 01/05/2011 22:57

If your 9 year old is invited he should be allowed to go. The responsibility of the 3 year old is yours not your sons.

Original poster
Bluesatinsashes · 01/05/2011 22:57

That has certainly come to my mind. Only found out today the pool had been purchased.

OP posts:
dearprudence · 01/05/2011 22:57

Meant to add - I'm amazed that someone has built a pool in a garden that's easily accessible by other people/children, and where it's commonplace for this to happen.

Do you need planning permission for these things? Is safety a consideration in the approval process? (genuine questions - I have no experience of this).

PumpkinBones · 01/05/2011 22:58

If she's 3, is she playing there supervised only by her brother? Not that I think this is a particular problem, but I wouldn't trust a 9 year old to solely supervise a non swimming 3 year old around a pool. Is it raised, is it accessible - how old are the friends they play with, and are the parents going to be supervising now they have a pool?

worraliberty · 01/05/2011 23:00

Fence it off and allow your 9yr old to go when invited.

Original poster
Bluesatinsashes · 01/05/2011 23:01

So you would be happy for a 9yo to go into a pool when you don't know if an adult is keeping an eye out for them?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 01/05/2011 23:01

Prudence I doesn't have to be 'that sort' of pool.

I have a 12ft by 4ft inflatable pool in my garden.

worraliberty · 01/05/2011 23:02

You said your son is a good swimmer and you didn't mention no adult supervision??

What sort of pool is it anyway?

Original poster
Bluesatinsashes · 01/05/2011 23:03

The 3Yo doesn't go over

OP posts:
NimpyWindowmash · 01/05/2011 23:04

I think YABU, your 9 yr old is old enough to understand they are not allowed in the pool unsupervised - but unfair to ban him from the garden because you happen to also have a 3 yr old.

worraliberty · 01/05/2011 23:05

I'm confused now? Confused

we also have a dd3 who can't swim, so I've told them both they can't go next door but one anymore

Does she go over or not??

WhiteBumOfTheMountain · 01/05/2011 23:06

Have they no fencd it off? I would be very scared...you need to secure your garden as a matter of urgency.

Original poster
Bluesatinsashes · 01/05/2011 23:07

Wirral - hope I didn't offend you I was just asking. As a wouldn't be able to see him I wouldn't know for certain that an adult was watching. It's one of those hard sided pool that you climb up a ladder into.

OP posts:
WhiteBumOfTheMountain · 01/05/2011 23:07

worraliberty she will have told the 3 year old just as a matter of precaution...even i y child had not been next door I would also reiterate that it was not allowed if I knew there was a pool there.

worraliberty · 01/05/2011 23:09

No of course I'm not offended lol. I'm just confused but that's nothing new Grin

Really you need to secure your own garden as a matter of urgency and I think it's fair to allow your son to visit when invited, as long as you've spoken to the adults to make sure he'll be supervised.

squeakytoy · 01/05/2011 23:10

Surely you should have your garden secure if you have a 3yr old roaming around in it.

A 9yo is a completely different matter. He can swim, and is 9, so I dont see any problem with him, and he should not be responsible for a 3yo anyway.

2rebecca · 01/05/2011 23:12

This is next door BUT ONE. You all sound very paranoid. If you don't think your hedge is very substantial then you could add a fence to it. At 9 my kids were fairly sensible and could swim and if I said they could only go in if an adult was supervising they'd have stuck to that. Keeping the 3 year old away sounds sensible, although at 3 my kids weren't in the garden unsupervised anyway so the fact that your hedge is a bit flimsy and in need of building up a bit (a good hedge should be harder to get through than a fence) would be irrelevent.

meditrina · 01/05/2011 23:13

Agree - you need to fence off your garden so you DD cannot wander and escape. Even with competently swimming 9yr olds, I'd want to know there was an adult pottering nearby too.

Original poster
Bluesatinsashes · 01/05/2011 23:14

My DS is not responsible for his sister I am. Gardens are separated by hedges.

OP posts:
lynehamrose · 01/05/2011 23:14

If your garden isn't secure, then that's your responsibility to make it so. As for the pool- I cant see why you would ban your 9 yr old from going round, when he's invited. Lets be honest, there are unlikely to be too many days in the year when its warm enough to swim. The 3 yr old is a different matter - you need to look out for her , not her brother

squeakytoy · 01/05/2011 23:15

My DS is not responsible for his sister I am. Gardens are separated by hedges

So why have you banned him from going to his friends?

bubblecoral · 01/05/2011 23:18

I think you are being unfair to your 9yo. If he pysically had to climb a ladder to get into the pool and there is no chance of him bieng knocked or falling in accidentally, I don't see the problem. He is old enough to be told not to go in the pool, and surely he wouldn't want to unless he had swimming stuff with him and it was arranged?

Your 3yo should have nothing to do with what you let your 9yo do.

Original poster
Bluesatinsashes · 01/05/2011 23:22

Because there's a pool there and I wouldn't be able to see him. But I have asked for your opinions because I'm not sure I should have 'banned' him altogether.

OP posts: