I would post this in feminism but I've never posted there so .... AIBU to have emailed a company

[changingmynameagain]

Backstory - am looking to get a pop up tent - how boring.

Anyway, stockists locally are a major sports/camping retailer.

I was on the website looking to find out if they had the tent I wanted in stock to go and buy it, but also so that they could demonstrate it to me - how it goes up and down.

Anyway, I'm on the website filling in the "contact us" form and the only options for "Title" are

Mr

Mrs

Miss

Now, call me pedantic but I'm divorced, so I'm not a Mrs. I'm not a never married so I'm not a Miss.

There was NO OPTION for Ms.

For some reason this really got my goat and in the comments box of the page I actually typed

"Oh and for your information there's no option in your title box for Ms. I am divorced, therefore I am not a Mrs. I was married, therefore I am not a Miss. Please could you get some of your IT boffins to insert the option for Ms. In this day and age, I think it is unfair that the only options available on the form for a woman to have as a title refer to her marital status."

And yes, I know it's trivial but it got right up my nose.

and a woman is a woman and three letters don't change that unless you allow them the power to do so

I think frgr you are claiming that a name does define you whereas I am confident that I am the same person no matter what others call me

I use dr ping, a neutral, gender free professional designation that I have earned. I will not become dr pingvinerschap when I marry as dr ping is my name and is how i choose to be known personally and professionally.

Ive had the same problem with websites - why would I have to use a different title which defines my gender and marital status to buy a tent or something? Why do I need to create a non existant person (miss, mrs ping) who does not really exist (all my cards, bills, passport, official information are for dr ping) for some transactions. I have had one site gets stroppy as my card details didnt match the name given

I think it should be free text whenever possible - then if someone is keen to be known as miss/mrs/ms or any other title this could be acknowleged. Conversely if somone wants to abandon the whole convention and write firstname lastname it would also be acceptable.

though I would like to be a 'the honourable' or 'the reverend'

mrz I think you're missing frgr's point. You may feel the same no matter what name you use, but others most certainly make at least partial judgement on you based on your marital status.

No I'm not missing her point I just happen to disagree. I see it as weak to be afraid of three little letters sorry.

mrz, I don't want to continue to get involved in this thread as I don't see the point.

But you do not represent what I think on this matter, and you are misrepresenting it for your own aims. Stop it. You are posting things which are not true, and which I haven't said.

Pack it in.

But you're not disagreeing mrz - you are arguing a completely different point!

You're talking about your self-identity while frgr is talking about the perception that others have of you.

Can you honestly not see the difference between the two?

No Tolalola I'm disagreeing in that the perception others have of me or you doesn't matter in the slightest if you are confident in who you are. It only matters if you put some worth on the assumptions of complete strangers, who as in the case of the OP you perhaps will never meet in real life. I see it as a constraint to spend any time worrying about the perceptions of faceless strangers based on three little letters.

Perhaps some people are so worried that strangers will perceive tham as the "extension" of their husband if they tick Mrs that they enslave themselves

If I complete a form and tick Mrs what exactly do you know about me?

I know more about you than I would if you were a man and you could simply tick Mr.

I think the point is the inequality, rather than the importance, iyswim?

You know nothing if someone ticks Mrs-they may well not be married. Someone who is Miss may have been married 30 yrs with DCs and grandchildren.

FRGR: I understand your point and I happen to agree with it. Thanks for making it so well

Mrz, sorry, you are missing her point. I know you don't think you are, but you are. Just wanted to point that out before I leave

Absolutely, I agree. Pointless going round and round in circles when two entirely different points are being debated.

Actually frgr I didn't say anything about loving my husband more than those who dont change their name or title, don't put words in my mouth, and stop being patronising.
All I am saying is that I DONT CARE!
And it doesn't define me, I am me, no more no less. My life experience shapes who I am, not whether I am called Ms because of years of male oppression...
No one has 'missed' your point, we just don't agree. Sorry you can't accept that. Bye.

YABU. Just say Mrs

I'm all for using Mrs in the original intended form of the title, as a respected adult women, as long as all women get to take it on turning 18, rather than getting married.

Perhaps we're wrong trying to get everyone to use Ms as a marital-status-neutral title and get all women over 18 to call themselves Mrs instead.

Tolalola you think you know anything about me from a tick in a box next to Mrs ? For all you know without actually being with me when I tick it I could be a man [horror]

YADNBU Well done for writing in!