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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I would post this in feminism but I've never posted there so .... AIBU to have emailed a company

192 replies

changingmynameagain · 25/04/2011 15:57

Backstory - am looking to get a pop up tent - how boring.

Anyway, stockists locally are a major sports/camping retailer.

I was on the website looking to find out if they had the tent I wanted in stock to go and buy it, but also so that they could demonstrate it to me - how it goes up and down.

Anyway, I'm on the website filling in the "contact us" form and the only options for "Title" are

Mr

Mrs

Miss

Now, call me pedantic but I'm divorced, so I'm not a Mrs. I'm not a never married so I'm not a Miss.

There was NO OPTION for Ms.

For some reason this really got my goat and in the comments box of the page I actually typed

"Oh and for your information there's no option in your title box for Ms. I am divorced, therefore I am not a Mrs. I was married, therefore I am not a Miss. Please could you get some of your IT boffins to insert the option for Ms. In this day and age, I think it is unfair that the only options available on the form for a woman to have as a title refer to her marital status."

And yes, I know it's trivial but it got right up my nose.

OP posts:
DitaVonCheese · 26/04/2011 21:50

onagar people make software you know, it doesn't just spring fully-formed from the ether Confused

Lady I've always rather fancied myself as a Dame ... Wink

onagar · 26/04/2011 23:44

Actually I do know that, but the shop owners are not the software designers as a rule. You want shop software you take what is on offer.

They could of course pay for it to be changed and in some cases that part might be configurable, but the point was that the person whose site it is didn't especially plan to offend dukes and so on.

Original poster
changingmynameagain · 26/04/2011 23:50

Onagar - fair point if it was a small store but it was Decathalon

OP posts:
DitaVonCheese · 27/04/2011 00:32

And if there was no feedback, things would never change.

Us Dames are up in arms about it, I'm telling you Wink

CurrySpice · 27/04/2011 07:51

Tbh it's the kind of thing I would roll my eyes at and move on because if I spent my life having my goat got about this kind of thing, I would never have time for anything else

Original poster
changingmynameagain · 27/04/2011 07:54

But if it isn't challenged then how are things ever going to change?

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 27/04/2011 08:22

Challenge it yes. Get knickers in twist and not only email the company but post about it extensively here?

I dunno op. I just think there are bigger issues than this and I can't get that exercised about it

(although exercised enough to post to say I'm not exercised obv :o)

Original poster
changingmynameagain · 27/04/2011 08:25

How would I challenge it if I didn't point it out in the email?

I thought a forum was for people to post about their experiences. Of all sorts. Confused.

You obv think IABU which is the point of this part of MN.

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 27/04/2011 08:28

Do I have to formally say it then changing Wink

Yanbu to roll your eyes about it. YABU to get so het up about it :o

BellsaRinging · 27/04/2011 08:32

Do you know I had exactly the same thoughts yesterday when I was about to order from Decathalon. It really wound me up (I've been a Ms since about 16), and ended up not ordering. I tried to enter no title, but it wouldn't accept it! YADNBU!

Original poster
changingmynameagain · 27/04/2011 08:34

Bellsaringing - James has emailed the IT DEPARTMENT AT HEAD OFFICE to let them know.

What's a bigger issue than offending someone?

And it's obv not just me that finds it offensive.

And it has feck all to do with ordering a bloody tent!

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 27/04/2011 08:52

Before I was married I was at work (am a journo) and looking through all the day's papers and (in a slightly unprofessional manner) the thing that my eye went straight to was a heated clothes airer. Our Victorian house was a bugger for drying clothes indoors and it was perfect - it was in the Telegraph (a reader offer) so I made a note of the weblink. When I got home and went online to order there was an embarrassment of possible titles - Mr, Mrs, Miss, Dr, Lord, Lady, The Hon (!) - but no Ms!

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 27/04/2011 09:08

Dita, OK then, next time one of us comes across a menu with 'Dame' or 'Rear Admiral' in the options let's go for it! And message each other to say we've done it. Good luck!

ScroobiousPip · 27/04/2011 09:38

YANBU.

On a bit of a tangent is there a data protection issue here with companies collecting more information (and inaccurate info at that) than they need for the purpose of processing an order. I mean, how relevant is a title to the delivery of an order anyway? And if it is relevant, surely people are entitled to ensure that the company at least has it accurately recorded?

Xenia · 27/04/2011 10:01

DO people need to know if you're female or male in order to supply you with goods? if you chose to put Mr down , say because there was only Miss or Mrs would your order be rejected because it doesn't tally with the name on the credit card or not?

Longtalljosie · 27/04/2011 11:59

would your order be rejected because it doesn't tally with the name on the credit card or not?

Probably Xenia. When I lived in a flat half the firms had it down in their database as Flat B, 22 ... and the other half had it down as 22B. If I didn't correctly anticipate what was in their records, not only would they reject my order, they wouldn't let me resubmit it!

frgr · 27/04/2011 12:17

YANBU.

Either have it as Mr and Ms (i.e. titles which do not refer to marital status) or allow the full range so that people can choose what they want.

I don't care if the woman next to me stamps her feet if Mrs or Miss isn't available, but I prefer not to link how I'm address to whether I'm married. I want the same courtesy as is shown to my husband.

So - it's not trivial and YANBU.

Who programmed their website - dinosaurs?

porcamiseria · 27/04/2011 12:18

I HATE MS, get over yourself! hardly a burning feminist issues

frgr · 27/04/2011 12:19

BellsaRinging, I've also not ordered from websites that don't allow Ms.

There was 1 exception, where I considered putting in Mr instead, but wasn't sure if the postie would let me pick the parcel up with a male title. So I phoned them to explain I had a slight issue with their website, and put it through the phone instead - the girl I spoke to didn't question it when I said my title was "Ms as in Emm Ess", and it came addressed to Ms too. No idea why their web guys thought Ms was inappropriate!

SurreyDad · 27/04/2011 12:22

I am a man and hate not having an option to state I'm married. I don't like being a neutral 'Mr'! But what I absolutely deteste is when people write Mr & Mrs Husbands firstname + last name.

chrisonabike · 27/04/2011 12:23

my Great Uncle is a Brigadier and is infuriated by such tick boxes. So much so that he will put "Mrs" instead of "Mr". He is rather eccentric, however.

chrisonabike (Ms)

frgr · 27/04/2011 12:25

onagar, my DH is a programmer. trust me, i've asked about this before, there's nothing complicated about adding options to forms and stuff like that if you already know how to add in the other ones.

or, put it this way - there is nothing more technically complex about adding in Ms relative to Mr, Miss or Mrs.

The idea that there is, is just stupid.

The driving force behind this is ignorance and/or a lack of respect for other people's (customers!) preferences. In some cases, it's outright maliciousness (e.g. the poster's FIL who said "oh you're one of those are you?" - I've heard such sneers before).

I don't get upset when other women want to call themselves Mrs HusbandFirstname HusbandSurname - or any other combination - whatever works for each of us is great - but I'd like the same in return due to my preferences though.

mrz · 27/04/2011 12:28

I like Mrs it's derived from mistress Wink much nicer than "widow mrz"

frgr · 27/04/2011 12:32

But mrz, it's not about what you like.

It's about us all being allowed to choose what we like. Whether you, me, or Jane Doe next to us all have different preferences, these things should all be respected esp. in the case where you're facing customers. Personal preferences, tradition or lazy programming is no excuse on the website owner's part.

Summerbird73 · 27/04/2011 12:32

Sorry but i detest 'Ms'

there - i said it