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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at SIL naming her baby daughter almost the exact same name as my DD?

460 replies

RubyGrace17 · 23/04/2011 19:32

Hi everyone,

I've posted a few times on various topics but this is my first AIBU :) I can't decide who is being unreasonable here, hopefully you can help me decide!

I have three daughters- aged 5, 3 and 4 months. My SIL (DH's Brother's Wife) had her second daughter on Tuesday evening and we are all absolutely delighted for them. However, last night BIL txt DH (and other members of family) to announce baby's name as they hadn't been able to decide up until now. She is named Isabelle Eva- lovely name. The issue is that my DD3 is named Isabella Eve and goes by Bella. Initially I was shocked that she would choose such a similar name, however, I did think she would choose a different variation for a nickname- my own DD is Bella. We went over to visit tonight along with PILs and no, they are calling her Bella too.
I can't decide if I am being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed- MIL is infuriated and wanted to "confront" SIL about "copying" and is none too happy at "having 2 GDs with the "same" name" (her words, not mine). I convinced her that wasn't necessary and insisted that she would no doubt choose a different nickname so it wouldn't be an issue. I could understand if it were a family name and she too wanted to honour a family member but neither of these names are.
I am not extremely close to SIL, however, we do get together as an extended family once a week or so and I often look after her little one as she is the same age as my DD2 and we all adore her so the girls do all spend time together. She has never really expressed to me that she particularly likes Bella as a name, nor has she expressed dislike. I know I do not "own" a name but it just strikes me as being quite unreasonable? I don't know- perhaps I'm just hormonal and being silly.
Look forward to your opinions!

Sorry- very long post!

Ruby

OP posts:
BitOfFunnyBunny · 23/04/2011 19:35

YANBU- this would piss me right off too.

horriblemotheragain · 23/04/2011 19:36

No, YANBU - that strikes me as odd if your daughters will spend a lot of time together - very confusing!

ShuffleBallChange · 23/04/2011 19:36

Me too. Its ridiculous.

WillieWaggledagger · 23/04/2011 19:37

what about your dh's brother - did he have no part in the decision?

it does seem very strange choosing a name that means the grandparents ahve two GDs with the same name/nickname. it's not like an uncle with a nephew names after him. but maybe they were always hoping to call their daughter that name? and I bet when they are older the cousins will love having the same name

tigermummy35 · 23/04/2011 19:38

YANBU - I'd be well hacked off too!

MumdiddyMum · 23/04/2011 19:38

YANBU I would be absolutely fuming!

valiumbandwitch · 23/04/2011 19:38

YANBU, and your husbands parents will now have two granddaughters with the same name!! that will be odd for them. and the same sur name too???
Shock has she forgotten what your dd is called Confused

bandgeek · 23/04/2011 19:38

YANBU. How very strange! I'd be annoyed too.

microserf · 23/04/2011 19:39

I opened this post thinking - how bad can it be?

Shock

YADNBU. That's really bad. DH and I wouldn't even use the name a close friend used for their dc.

TrillianAstra · 23/04/2011 19:39

The kids will love it, then can be big Bella and little Bella.

I agree with Willie too - why is it all about SIL? Don't parents choose a name together? Do you have a particular grudge against her? Do you feel that she would deliberately choose her DDs name to spite you? Or do you think that maybe they had a name they loved, you used it, and they thought that since they already loved it they would go ahead and use it?

BarbarianMum · 23/04/2011 19:40

I came on here to tell you YABU but actually, after reading, you are not. Same name, well that's one thing but same nickname - madness.

BendyBob · 23/04/2011 19:40

Gosh I don't think yabu at all Shock - you must be really annoyed. I would be too under these circumstances. Have they no imagination of their own??

There's nothing you can do I suppose, but I'd keep a frosty distance if it were me. I'm not especially confrontational, but the time would come where I'd have to say something. I just know it'd come out sooner or later.

Some people..!hmm]

barbie007 · 23/04/2011 19:40

Very weird. I'd be upset to.

Of all the names in the world. Mind you, my SIL told me when I was pregnant not to pick the name Thomas as that's the name she really wanted for her next child (she wasn't even pregnant!!!) So guess what we called our little boy? :)

JellyBeansOnToast · 23/04/2011 19:40

Very odd. Could understand it more if she were to choose Izzy/Issie as a nickname, but to give the same first name, practically the same middle name and then to make the nickname the same?! Mad. How annoying for the grandparents too. It'll end up being 'Big Bella' and 'Little Bella' which the girls will both hate.

Icelollycraving · 23/04/2011 19:40

Yanbu,I'd be pissed off!
No doubt someone will say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but not in this instance!

PorkChopSter · 23/04/2011 19:41

It's very very odd because

  1. They have the same surname
  2. They are the same age
  3. They spend lots of time together
  4. It's the same name!!

Any chance of them going to the same school?

I'd be freaked out more than annoyed - it's your BIL and SIL who are looking like the fruitloops for doing this.

JellyBeansOnToast · 23/04/2011 19:41

Also, I really struggle as to why she'd do this - surely you'd want your PFB special baby to have its own name in its own right?!

ib · 23/04/2011 19:44

They probably really loved the name but made an effort to make it a bit different from what yours is really.

I wouldn't worry too much. For all you know both will end up being called something entirely different from the name you've carefully chosen for them [bitter voice of experience].

In the end, they are the ones who have to live with the name every day, so why wouldn't they choose a name they really love just because on the rare family occasions when you are both there it would inconvenience others?

Mare11bp · 23/04/2011 19:45

Dreadful and YADNBU.

Have some idea what you are going through, had DS been a girl we had a name sorted, and told the family as such. SiL had a girl after us and took our chosen name for her daughter.

My SIL is nasty, vindictive and has no life or friends. I can't help but feel sorry for her. Maybe your SIL deserves some pity for having no independence of mind.

ib · 23/04/2011 19:46

Sorry missed the bit about them spending a lot of time together.

In that case the nickname thing will probably be resolved even faster by someone else (probably the older siblings)

ihatecbeebies · 23/04/2011 19:48

Yadddddnbu.....that is really creepy, I'd let grandmother have a go at them.

frgr · 23/04/2011 19:48

^1. They have the same surname

  1. They are the same age
  2. They spend lots of time together
  3. It's the same name!!^

I was going to post that YABU since 90% of these threads it's a clear cut case, but having read your OP and the above points, this would concern me too, it's very very odd and you are NOT being unreasonable! How confusing will that be to teachers and relatives, etc....!

jade80 · 23/04/2011 19:48

Start calling their daughter 'Bella 2' and hope they change nickname!

BendyBob · 23/04/2011 19:50

Oh my goodness though - they're not going to keep doing this with subsequent children they may have are they?? Ie using your other dc's names.

The more I think about this, the more this would be a very big deal to me.

valiumbandwitch · 23/04/2011 19:50

Others may disagree but perhaps a quick polite cautiously handled phone call between brothers before they have registered her birth might not be too bad an idea

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