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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at SIL naming her baby daughter almost the exact same name as my DD?

460 replies

RubyGrace17 · 23/04/2011 19:32

Hi everyone,

I've posted a few times on various topics but this is my first AIBU :) I can't decide who is being unreasonable here, hopefully you can help me decide!

I have three daughters- aged 5, 3 and 4 months. My SIL (DH's Brother's Wife) had her second daughter on Tuesday evening and we are all absolutely delighted for them. However, last night BIL txt DH (and other members of family) to announce baby's name as they hadn't been able to decide up until now. She is named Isabelle Eva- lovely name. The issue is that my DD3 is named Isabella Eve and goes by Bella. Initially I was shocked that she would choose such a similar name, however, I did think she would choose a different variation for a nickname- my own DD is Bella. We went over to visit tonight along with PILs and no, they are calling her Bella too.
I can't decide if I am being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed- MIL is infuriated and wanted to "confront" SIL about "copying" and is none too happy at "having 2 GDs with the "same" name" (her words, not mine). I convinced her that wasn't necessary and insisted that she would no doubt choose a different nickname so it wouldn't be an issue. I could understand if it were a family name and she too wanted to honour a family member but neither of these names are.
I am not extremely close to SIL, however, we do get together as an extended family once a week or so and I often look after her little one as she is the same age as my DD2 and we all adore her so the girls do all spend time together. She has never really expressed to me that she particularly likes Bella as a name, nor has she expressed dislike. I know I do not "own" a name but it just strikes me as being quite unreasonable? I don't know- perhaps I'm just hormonal and being silly.
Look forward to your opinions!

Sorry- very long post!

Ruby

OP posts:
Original poster
RubyGrace17 · 23/04/2011 19:51

Thanks for replies :) So quick! Glad it isn't just me. You've made me feel better already.

To those who said about BIL being involved- yes, you're right, he would've had a say too. He is one for a quiet life though and generally goes along with SIL to ensure an easy life so I'm not sure if he would've objected and she did it anyway, or he too wanted to name her Isabelle Eva. Perhaps he did.

My own DH is very close to his brother and doesn't want any sort of conflict. He didn't seem too annoyed when he got the txt but does agree with me that it isn't "appropriate" and is "a bit strange". But he said it's their own choice and has nothing to do with us. True, I suppose. Just can't help but be really annoyed and slightly upset for my own daughter as she's having to "share" her name with her 4 month younger cousin. They will be spending a lot of time together growing up and currently the girls (my two and DN- baby isn't yet old enough) stay at granny and grampa's (PILs) once a month on a Saturday evening to give mummies and daddies a break so it isn't as if they'll never be together.
Had I known that they would choose that name, I would've called my own Bella something else as I just don't think it's fair on her. I think that's my issue- I feel sad for my daughter that she doesn't have her "own" name and her sisters do. I'm not too annoyed on my own behalf, just on behalf of my daughter who is too young to express any opinion as yet!

My own 5 year old thought it was great, having "two baby Bellas" so perhaps my own daughter will have the same view? I'm now wondering if I should start calling my daughter Issy or some other nickname as she is young enough to not know, if you see what I mean. But she's been known as "baby Bella" since I was pregnant and I don't want to change it :( Sorry, it sounds so silly, like a petulant child but I simply don't want to. I know I could and perhaps I should... :(

Ruby

OP posts:
nethunsreject · 23/04/2011 19:52

yanbu!

princessparty · 23/04/2011 19:52

have a friend who had a baby with his wife 'James michael (surname)' He got divorced married again and called his first son with new wife 'james Michael (same surname)' so he had 2 children 18m apart in age living in the same neighbourhood with exactly the same name .Nowt so queer as folk!

spamm · 23/04/2011 19:53

How has the family not confronted her about this? In my family, somebody would have told them how ridiculous they are being. It is just so weird.

JellyBeansOnToast · 23/04/2011 19:55

I think you should let your MIL say something, and I certainly don't think you would be being unreasonable to say something yourself, either. They should be the ones backing down and agreeing to change the name (has it been registered yet?) or call her Issy etc, rather than you!

princessparty · 23/04/2011 19:56

op you don't have exclusive rights on a name and i'm not really sure why you are upset and why you think your dd would have any right to be?

spamm · 23/04/2011 19:56

By the way, this is one of the most normal AIBU I have seen in ages. Grin

BitOfFunnyBunny · 23/04/2011 19:57

Do you usually lack imagination, princess? Grin Really? You don't see a problem at all?

dementedma · 23/04/2011 19:59

I always wanted the name James for my DS. I had two DDs and then sis had a son who she called.....James. she then compounded it by abbreviating it to the hideous Jamie. (apologies to the parents of all Jamies who I have just offended Grin).
Then. belatedly DS appeared.i so wanted to call him James but it would have caused no end of confusion and settled for something else. I had the last laugh though as my gorgeous nephew is known to all and sundry as "Jimbo" much to sister's annoyance!!!

valiumbandwitch · 23/04/2011 20:00

maybe you could txt the sil and say "are you going to call her Izzy?"

if there was an izzy and a bella would that be bad? mind you bella is so much nicer than Izzy.................. I fear you might end up more upset.

Annunziata · 23/04/2011 20:00

Is it a family name at all? Even if it is YANBU!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 23/04/2011 20:00

No problem at all? That two cousins share an identical name? And you don't see why the op would be a bit pissed off? Very odd.

tiggyhop · 23/04/2011 20:01

It's the choice of the middle name too that's really odd. Isabelle/Isabella Eva/Eve. I think you should have a giggle about it. Wasn't it George Foreman who called all his five sons George?

cantspel · 23/04/2011 20:01

It is a bit strange but maybe they really love the name and it was the only one they could agree on.

In a couple of years it wont matter anyway as they will both be at school and will probably both be one of 12 or so Bella's.

Ormirian · 23/04/2011 20:02

I am Kate. My godmothers dd is also Kate.

We survived.

BendyBob · 23/04/2011 20:02

Maybe the SIL in question has joined the thread Grin

SlinkyB · 23/04/2011 20:02

Wow, you are definitely not being unreasonable. I think you have every right to be annoyed...could they not think of an original name themselves?! Very odd, but I guess you can't really confront them about it? Poor you!

EllenJane1 · 23/04/2011 20:03

That is very 'single white female' and quite creepy. Even the same middle name! I was going to suggest you call her Baby Bel after the cheese, as a put down, but if you call your own DD Baby Bella, then maybe not.

nancy75 · 23/04/2011 20:03

my cousin has exactly the same name as me (first middle and surname) my dad's side of the family had a history of giving all their kids the same name and my Mum hated it so called me something totally different. when my aunt and Uncle named their daughter the same as me it caused no end of arguments between our family (as they knew it would). I really don't understand why people do it. As for the kids liking having they same name - i didn't like it at all.

valiumbandwitch · 23/04/2011 20:04

Ormirian, goddaughter is different because you and your godmother's daughter don't share grandparents I presume! or a sur name?

FairhairedandFrustrated · 23/04/2011 20:04

If her name is Isabelle, would they perhaps call her Belle and not Bella?

Either way, I agree it is strange, and someone should say something before the name is registered.

FabbyChic · 23/04/2011 20:04

You are not being unreasonable and I would have to say something, how ridiculous.

namechangertoday · 23/04/2011 20:05

My Aunty lost a baby boy called James 24 years ago and much as we liked the name when ours were born we considered the name to be used and therefore off limits. Imagine our surprise when her own son used it for his pfb, it seems that names are available to everyone and it was us being tactful over thinking

Collision · 23/04/2011 20:06

YANBU at all

I would be fuming!

Princess - why the hell can you not see the prob?

OP has stated she knows she does not own the name blah blah but come on.....

I would change my dd's name to Issy tbh.

I do feel for you.

Original poster
RubyGrace17 · 23/04/2011 20:07

Sorry, I'm not quick enough- lots of crossed posts! It is odd because when we went over to theirs, nobody actually mentioned it. I know it sounds odd (even to me now!) and I actually wish it had been mentioned when we had first seen her (after announcing the name) as now it seems like it'll never be spoken about or it's too late to actually say anything about how similar they are.
MIL does not see eye to eye with SIL (long story- MIL thinks SIL is too "controlling" over BIL) so I felt it unfair on SIL if MIL confronted her, considering all the other issues there are with them. If anyone mentions it, it should be me or DH. But DH won't as he hates any form of conflict with BIL- he can do no wrong) and I actually feel bad causing any bad feeling amongst the family :( I adore BIL and my niece(s) and would hate to lose that bond we have as I just don't know how SIL will react.
My own family find it very odd and my own sister cannot believe she would choose such a similar name. Had it been my sister (though she would never do it!) I think I would feel more able to say something but as SIl and I aren't too close, I feel less able to say something to her.
Wish I had said something upon hearing it initially instead of leaving it a day but I've no idea what I would've said anyway! :(
Thanks again for your input- my own sister and mother are away on holiday (been txting her!) and I don't feel that DH wants to particularly discuss it much more so it means a lot to have your input!

Ruby

OP posts: