to be annoyed at SIL naming her baby daughter almost the exact same name as my DD?

[RubyGrace17]

Hi everyone,

I've posted a few times on various topics but this is my first AIBU :) I can't decide who is being unreasonable here, hopefully you can help me decide!

I have three daughters- aged 5, 3 and 4 months. My SIL (DH's Brother's Wife) had her second daughter on Tuesday evening and we are all absolutely delighted for them. However, last night BIL txt DH (and other members of family) to announce baby's name as they hadn't been able to decide up until now. She is named Isabelle Eva- lovely name. The issue is that my DD3 is named Isabella Eve and goes by Bella. Initially I was shocked that she would choose such a similar name, however, I did think she would choose a different variation for a nickname- my own DD is Bella. We went over to visit tonight along with PILs and no, they are calling her Bella too.
I can't decide if I am being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed- MIL is infuriated and wanted to "confront" SIL about "copying" and is none too happy at "having 2 GDs with the "same" name" (her words, not mine). I convinced her that wasn't necessary and insisted that she would no doubt choose a different nickname so it wouldn't be an issue. I could understand if it were a family name and she too wanted to honour a family member but neither of these names are.
I am not extremely close to SIL, however, we do get together as an extended family once a week or so and I often look after her little one as she is the same age as my DD2 and we all adore her so the girls do all spend time together. She has never really expressed to me that she particularly likes Bella as a name, nor has she expressed dislike. I know I do not "own" a name but it just strikes me as being quite unreasonable? I don't know- perhaps I'm just hormonal and being silly.
Look forward to your opinions!

Sorry- very long post!

Ruby

It is wierd. My sister had exactly the same problem recently. Her SIL (DH's brother's wife) insisted on giving their baby exactly the same name as her DH. Both children have same first names, nicknames and surnames. Again not a family name. They are 15 months different in age. SIL must have realised that they were out of order because they didn't tell the family the name for 3 weeks after birth. Again DH kept out of it as their family don't like arguments. When grandparents challenged it SIL and BIL just said well we don't see that much of each other so it won't matter. My sister has kept the moral high ground by saying nothing but we all agree that SIL is wierd and bang out of order.
YADNBU

my neice as the same first name as my DD's second name though spelt different my DH really wanted it as 1st name but i told him though it was traditional and his granny's name it was not fair to give her the same name as her cousin as it would upset my sister and my parents would have 2 GD with same name, so we gave her it spelt the way his granny spelt it as a second name and told my sister why we had used name she was alsolutely fine about it but admitted would have been miffed / upset if it was DD 1st name of course their surnames and other names are different too;
but your SIL and BIL ABU, even if they think you chose their name they are only not being U if they had said before you had your baby we are really keen to call a girl isabella
but its done now and different nicknames will sort themselves out soon as no-one will keep saying bella x's Daughter or Bella y's daughter
but don't fall out over it esp as you like BIL in time it will be ok but if you have another child or you find out she is pregnant again when you are say something like shall we agree this time to do different names but no-one owns a name

Hmm the OP has legged it.

This is really bad! I was annoyed that someone on One Born Every Minute and then Kym Marsh called their babies Polly, as I thought my 16 month old had quite an uncommon name and dont want it to become popular! But your situation is obviously far worse OP.

I'm speechless! Even if your SIL had loved the name, if someone else had a child and gave them 'her' chosen name, surely you'd choose something else? I think she has forgotten that her baby is a person, who deserves to have a name in her own right, not be following in her cousins shadow IYSWIM. Ruby, i think you've been really dignified and your SIL has come out of it looking like a grade A loon.

Stick to your guns. Call your daughter Bella and hers Issy. After all Bella is not a diminutive of Isabelle

'you'd choose' should say 'she'd choose' I'm not suggesting you should change your DD's name

Hi everyone,

I haven't "legged it" as someone suggested. DD2 hasn't been very well this week and was taken into hospital for two night. Bit of a stressful time but she seems to be on the mend now, thank goodness.
I haven't had time to respond to everyone but thanks for all the suggestions and views- I have read each of them and considered them.
As far as SIL/BIL situation goes, not much has changed. DH and I have decided to definitely give DD3 an extra middle name, and we will be keeping that quiet for the time being.
SIL has sent a couple of txts to check on how DD2 is so she seems to have put our differences in the name thing aside for now which is nice. BIL has been fantastic this week, MIL and FIL are on holiday, my own parents are in Florida for 6 weeks so we'd have struggled a bit if BIL hadn't been so good and taken DD1 out a few times with DN1 and kept her busy so I could be with DD2 and DH could focus on looking after baby, as well as being with DD2 and back and forth visiting her.
Feeling better about it this week as after DD2 being unwell, I have been able to put it into perspective- it is annoying but it really isn't the end of the world. We're just lucky to have a third beautiful DD and a second beautiful DN. No matter what their names are. As well as my daughters having an uncle who treats them just as he does his own daughters. I'm so grateful for his help this week and realise how lucky we are to have BIL too.

Ruby

Reality said: "Tell SIL that Is A Believer and having Libert Belle makes her choice a nonsense, without the added barkingness of your DD having almost the same name in the first place."

Yes. Do that.

Ruby, what a lovely post.

They do after all have their own first names & when they are older the nn thing might not be an issue imo.

Ruby, you sound so lovely and your SIL sounds completely off her head! I hope DD2 is on the mend now.

I think the idea to add another middle name is a good one. There is a boy at my DC's school who has exactly the same name (first, middle and surname) as my DS, purely by chance, we are not related. Actually it is very strange as our surname is quite unusual. Anyhow, there has been confusion several times even though they're four years apart in age. We've recieved letters addressed to his parents, the school have phoned the wrong parents about after school clubs. We're also registered at the same gp and have had their medical records switched a couple of times. Again, despite the different address and DOB. Luckily none of these incidents was more than slightly annoying.