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AIBU?

To think picking a 4yr old child up by their arm and throwing them on a sofa

161 replies

devonsmummy · 16/04/2011 08:34

is totally unreasonable - followed by 4 mansize smacks to the bottom?

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altinkum · 16/04/2011 08:35

This reply has been deleted

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sausagesandmarmelade · 16/04/2011 08:35

Completely agree..........

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MissVerinder · 16/04/2011 08:35

It is so unreasonable! What had said 4 year old done to "deserve" that?

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cookcleanerchaufferetc · 16/04/2011 08:37

Wow, is this you or your or your partner doing this? What was the reason? Seems very very excessive to me.

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onceamai · 16/04/2011 08:38

Disgusting and FWIW I once gently and without force pulled dd (3 then) towards me when she was lying on the floor and wouldn't get up for tea and dislocated her elbow. Had to go to a&e to have it clicked back (manipulated) into place. She was in a lot of pain. With force it could have been much much worse. More details OP.

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devonsmummy · 16/04/2011 08:38

Asked to play an xbox game that he knew he wasn't allowed to play then cried - which went into a whine - for about 5 mins.

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altinkum · 16/04/2011 08:39

This reply has been deleted

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cookcleanerchaufferetc · 16/04/2011 08:40

So did you hit him for this? Why not put him on the naughty corner instead?

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beesimo · 16/04/2011 08:42

I am assuming the culprit was the Father?

Don't argue the toss about serverity of treatment just say 'do you want your DCs to love you or do you want them to be frightened of you' then watch his face and that will tell you what to do next.

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devonsmummy · 16/04/2011 08:43

No not me ! I had just put him on back door mat and H came downstairs picked him up by the arm threw him on sofa ( he says dropped) and hit him 4 times.
I told him it was out of order he stormed upstairs and slammed door.
DS was almost sick - retching afterwards

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HecateQueenOfTheNight · 16/04/2011 08:44

I think it was OTT, yes. Physically lifting the child and throwing them onto the sofa? Not on. 4 'mansize' - I assume that is a way of saying very hard indeed? - whallops as well?

If my husband picked me up and threw me onto a piece of furniture and then hit me 4 times, I'd divorce him. I don't think it's any more acceptable when it's a parent doing it to a child.

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cookcleanerchaufferetc · 16/04/2011 08:46

Is this the first time your husband has reacted like this? Or has he hurt you? Just wondering if there is a pattern or if it was a one off incident?

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davidtennantsmistress · 16/04/2011 08:47

that's awful poor child.

You'd told him off & he'd had his punishment so that's the end of it tbh. very unreasonable - what's he usually like with DC? - although to be fair do as you wish to me, raise a hand to my child and it's another case.

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DuplicitousBitch · 16/04/2011 08:47

that is a hateful thing to do. your poor ds

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devonsmummy · 16/04/2011 08:53

He's never hit me but gets mad with DS much more Quickly than me. He has Smacked him hard before but thinks that's what kids need - always ends up us rowing about it.

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HecateQueenOfTheNight · 16/04/2011 08:55

ok. If he hit you, what would you do?

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FriedEggyAndSlippery · 16/04/2011 08:56

How often does this happen?
Is your DS scared of him?

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davidtennantsmistress · 16/04/2011 08:59

kids need love security & the ability to be free to have a bad day - they can be disciplined/given boundaries without the use of hitting them (as you did). I always felt that hitting means a loss of control of the situation.

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DuplicitousBitch · 16/04/2011 08:59

next time your dh whines about something, pick up a baseball bat and beat him - it is in his best interest after all.

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magnolia74 · 16/04/2011 09:05

Sorry but you are ok with letting your son live like this? Angry

To be hit 4 times by an adult is abuse ffs!

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Ormirian · 16/04/2011 09:08

Bastard! Angry

That sounds like sheer temper not discipline.

He is totally wrong.

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ILoveYouToo · 16/04/2011 09:12

I'm not comletely anti smacking; I think it has its place if done only occasionally. But four smacks, and 'throwing' him on the sofa - that is really not ok. Sad

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onceamai · 16/04/2011 09:13

Four hard smacks this time - how many more next time? You said your son retched afterwards. Don't waste any more time on here - get to a solicitor. Why do you even have to ask if you are being unreasonable about this. Was our husband abused as a child - does he know no better and require counselling? If he doesn't see his behaviour as unreasonable then he is not, IMO, a fit parent although I am aware that in some cultures it is considered appropriate to physically punish the child.

Having said all that mine have had the odd tap over the years - but not with force or violence.

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washnomore · 16/04/2011 09:17

The thing is with smacking (and I have smacked in the past) is that it's generally far more about the smacker losing their temper than it is about the child receiving an appropriate punishment.

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GeekLove · 16/04/2011 09:21

What you are describing here is DV pure and simple. So the child is whining? That is no excuse children are meant to make mistakes. However as an adult he should no better. As others have said it's about his loss of control rather than a meaningful punishment. What would you have done if it was amstranger who assaulted your son?

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