To think picking a 4yr old child up by their arm and throwing them on a sofa

[devonsmummy]

is totally unreasonable - followed by 4 mansize smacks to the bottom?

if df did this he would be out of the door and would never see the kids again.

also why is he belittling you, you was already giving the child his punishment by putting him on the back door.

Ok am just settling DD then going down to talk

i think OP knows her husband best, its for her to decide what she feels should be the next step

OP, I hope your conversation with your DH goes well, because this is abuse and he can't do this again. Would he be receptive to some further conversation to discuss how this happened or counselling?

you can't be on eggshells waiting for this to happen again. i grew up in a household where this would have been considered appropriate discipline, and it had longlasting and sad consequences for all of us, especially for my brother who was the child who received the "discipline". and yes, they really did think it was discipline and that they were loving parents whereas, in truth, temper got the best of them on a regular basis.

I'm curious to know how often it has happened before. The OP said it had happened before but not how many times nor what the outcome was. I'm sure her 'd'h apologised and said it wouldn't happen again .... Until the ne t time.

How many times makes it too many? How many times before you should make an effort to protect your dcs and leave?

I have no idea what the answer is for the OP. For me twice would be too many. Once is inexcusable but I'd give the benefit of the doubt. Twice would be enough for me to act.

said it earlier & will say it again - do as you wish to me, raise a hand to my child and by god i'd kill whoever did it - his dad or not. especially in the way it's subsequently all come to light it was a lot harder.

and the swingball set - yeah isn't that what people do when they feel guilty and well it's ok & we won't say anything cos we get treated to nice stuff?!? (childs POV there)

Bastard.You are just as bad for allowing it.

OP I hope that this is a one off loss of control by your husband and he is feeling very guilty and remorseful - if not then you really ought to consider yours and your childrens life with him

I was smacked once as a child by my father and I have never forgotten it - it was a well deserved smack btw - I had twatted my little sister around the head with a heavy wooden african carved ornament and knocked her out

Anyhoo - I hope that you can sort this out and your son has no lasting effects of the attack ....because thats what it was

devonsmummy how are you today?

So, he bought DS a "sorry for hurting you" present...

ex-P used to do exactly the same... Part of the cycle of abuse is the abuser trying to rectify themselves in the victims eyes.

H at work again today
We spoke - I asked if he realised just what he'd done and he said hed thought of nothing else all day.
I told him it had made me feel sick all day and I can't imagine how DS was feeling.
He apologised - looked very sheepish and said he would not lay a finger on him again.
I said if he eVer did that would be it - a parents job is to protect their child.
He didn't want to speak further - said I've said I'm sorry what more can I do? And wouldn't speak about it anymore
This morning DS was creating, - he was cold but didn't want to get dressed - H took away his DS console which would probably have been a smack before.
DS seems ok today but who knows what's going on in his head ?:(

so how do you feel about it ?

i read some of your previous threads....everything else ok?

I am really glad you are able to talk to your DH devonsmummy. He is the only one that can change his behaviour. I am glad that he realises that he is responsible for possibly damaging his relationship with his son.
Good luck to all of you, I hope you can all get through it.

have been lurking and just wanted add my support...hope he does understand what he's done

I think that it's really concerning when somebody posts something like this and then everyone jumps in telling the OP to leave right now/ find a hostel/ lamp him one etc etc - all this tough 'I wouldn't let him get away with it/ he'd be out the door etc etc' How does that help? Leaving an abusive (or not, we don't know) partner is a major upheaval, and surely other support should be offered rather then a telling off and a display of how tough other posters are?

We don't smack, this was horrifying, but the straight off assumption of DV and a need to find a refuge is also quite shocking.

grumpypants....you give your advice,others give theirs....its concerning for you???

well back in january this poster had had enough of whatever else she is putting up with andd had posted for advice on HOW TO LEAVE....that was also put in earlier in this thread......perhaps read a bit more?????

whilst i agree that the violent partner should be given a chance to put their behaviour right...I think that the fact that the boy was retching after this 'discipline' makes it dv, surely?

It is concerning because a lot of it is posturing - I wouldn't let that happen, subtext being 'aren't i great stuff.' Sorry - carry on giving your advice. This is another of those threads it's prob best to ignore.

did you add anything constructive??

off you go then, grumpy

Grumpy, not all of us are posturing...

I spent four years in an abusive relationship, and what I said in my post is the god's honest truth. I left the day after ex-P got TOO rough with DS. Saying I'd put DS first is not posturing, it's common sense....

It's not easy, no. But you do what you need to do to protect your children. Regardless of how difficult it is.

Grumpy - I don't think that anybody has come onto this thread with any subtexts. People are concerned for OP and her DC and are offering advice which OP can choose to ignore.

Leaving DV is never easy (I speak from experience) I left EXP at 10pm one boxing day when DD was 5 months old after many many months of abuse. It was absolutley the hardest thing i've ever done, but my overriding motivation to get out was the saftey of my DD and knowing that I didn't want her brought up in that sort of destructive environment - 10 years on I don't regret my decision for a second.

It is HARD but there are many places to get advice and support from.

OP please keep talking x .